Mar 15, 2019 | Your Business, Your Relationships

Sorry not sorry. You are ultimately responsible for all of it [Lesson Learned #3]

I think one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in business (and to be honest I’m still learning this one) is the notion that I’m ultimately responsible for all of it.

I’ve had enough coaching calls with my own coaches, colleagues, and mentors at this point that I could write a book detailing all the ways in which it’s not my responsibility.

How I really didn’t have enough time, or how this circumstance really was absolutely unreasonable and out-of-the-ordinary. Oh, POOR ME!

The bottom line is that ultimately, it’s always my responsibility.

I’ve created more excuses than I’d like to recount to let myself off the hook for all of it.

But the thing is there will always be circumstances that get in the way, and they’re not going to change until we do.

Learning the lesson of personal responsibility has been, by far, the most difficult and well-won lesson I’ve learned as a business owner.

Here’s the thing, as soon as you start listening for this in your day-to-day life, you will begin to hear just how common playing the victim is.

Every time you blame it on the traffic, or the metro being delayed, or that person not getting back to you, or the birthday party at the office that caused you to eat two slices of cake, you are playing the victim.

That, darling, is the tough love simple truth.

I know I’ve felt entitled to play the role of victim in so many ways…

→ When I never received a response from that email
→ Or my partner said he would do x, and he didn’t
→ Or when I worked 10 hours on a task and I still didn’t achieve the desired result.

But at the end of the day, who cares?

Your victim-status may make you feel better about your current reality because you have one more person who will collude with you and who will buy into your excuses.

But it will be temporary.

Ultimately, your experience will never change until you change it.

That starts and ends with taking responsibility for all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I know, it might feel great to be right, to make someone else wrong. (Heck, I did it for years!)

But this strategy will run out, even if playing the victim has been effective for you in the past.

It will run out. I don’t know when, but I guarantee you, it will.

Learning to take an unstoppable stand for myself and what I’m creating in the world is something that continually makes me proud of myself.

And ultimately, it’s given me freedom.

Freedom to not be so negatively impacted by others and their choices; freedom to express myself; freedom to give up resentments and blame; and the freedom to be fully myself.

Start listening to yourself. How can you show up in life and own responsibility for all of it?

Responsibly yours,

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Empathy for Change with Amy J. Wilson

I am so delighted and thrilled to have my esteemed friend, Amy J. Wilson here with us today. Amy is a change leader, community builder, movement maker, and an empathy advocate. She is the author of Empathy for Change: How to Build a More Understanding World, a guide to create positive, compassionate change where we work, live, and play. All of this guides our conversation as we cover the different types of empathy and why they are important, dismantling current power structures and rebuilding them with empathy at the core, prioritizing rest, and so much more. Being empathetic does not mean you lack power, and this episode is going to tell you why – enjoy!

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