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What’s your relationship with the word “selfish?”
I must admit that this word has been a hot button word throughout my life. It’s a quality that has triggered me frequently in relationships, it’s a quality I have resented at times, and it’s now a quality I have come to deeply appreciate both in myself and others.
Let me explain.
In my experience, when we don’t have an empowered relationship with ourselves, or when we don’t have a sense of who we are or what we need, we often default to getting our needs met by other people. We put other people first, we obtain our own happiness by taking care of other people.
This is how selfish and selfless people come to form relationships with another, platonic or romantic for that matter.
These types of relationships (where the selfless don’t stand up to the selfish) typically reach a breaking point at some point. It can create a dynamic in a relationship where resentments occur and fester.
It is often the factor that separates a codependent relationship from an interdependent one.
Sometimes being ‘selfish’ is the key to bringing that balance.
Do you need to be a little more selfish in your relationships?
If you’ve noticed that you don’t have an opinion or desire about what you’d like to do on the weekends, or where you’d like to eat. Take note.
If you see yourself in any of the above, you too may be getting your needs met from someone else, rather than getting them met by yourself. These are some codependent patterns to look out for.
This used to be me. And what I came to realize is that while I thought I was being selfless, it was actually a form of manipulation.
What I used to consider as selfish, I know realize is ultimately personal empowerment.
Here are some things to look for the next time you’re feeling like your relationships are sticky and you view that person as being selfish.
When is the last time you allowed someone to tell you what to do and then blamed them for controlling you? Take back your agency girlfriend! Make choices for yourself.
All our choices have consequences. Learn to be ok with that vs choosing something else because of someone else’s desire. What happens when you please others instead of yourself is you then become resentful of those choices you made. Can you see the trap here?
It’s time to be a grown a** woman! Make choices for yourself and you will discover the freedom you desire. 💜🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️💜
That’s the difference between a boss and a leader!!
To unlocking your potential,