Jun 28, 2019 | Your Business, Your Relationships

When being ‘selfish’ is the best thing for you...

What’s your relationship with the word “selfish?”

I must admit that this word has been a hot button word throughout my life. It’s a quality that has triggered me frequently in relationships, it’s a quality I have resented at times, and it’s now a quality I have come to deeply appreciate both in myself and others.

Let me explain.

In my experience, when we don’t have an empowered relationship with ourselves, or when we don’t have a sense of who we are or what we need, we often default to getting our needs met by other people. We put other people first, we obtain our own happiness by taking care of other people.

This is how selfish and selfless people come to form relationships with another, platonic or romantic for that matter.

These types of relationships (where the selfless don’t stand up to the selfish) typically reach a breaking point at some point. It can create a dynamic in a relationship where resentments occur and fester.

It is often the factor that separates a codependent relationship from an interdependent one.

Sometimes being ‘selfish’ is the key to bringing that balance.

Do you need to be a little more selfish in your relationships?

If you’ve noticed that you don’t have an opinion or desire about what you’d like to do on the weekends, or where you’d like to eat. Take note.

Do you…?

  • Derive your own happiness from making other people happy.
  • Like being described as the mother hen, or the one who takes care of every one.
  • Have a hard time deciding or saying what you want, and you’re frequently the one to “go with the flow.”

If you see yourself in any of the above, you too may be getting your needs met from someone else, rather than getting them met by yourself. These are some codependent patterns to look out for.

This used to be me. And what I came to realize is that while I thought I was being selfless, it was actually a form of manipulation.

What I used to consider as selfish, I know realize is ultimately personal empowerment.

Here are some things to look for the next time you’re feeling like your relationships are sticky and you view that person as being selfish.

  • Start doing things on your own and discover what makes you happy.
  • Start noticing where you feel like others are controlling you, and take your power back. (No one actually has control over you unless you give it to them.)
  • Next time someone asks you what do you want to do or where do you want to eat, think about it and give them an answer!
  • Next time you experience a resentment, consider that within each complaint or resentment there is simply a request to make.
  • Next time you experience someone else as selfish, notice what there is for you to learn from them (both in a positive and a negative light).

When is the last time you allowed someone to tell you what to do and then blamed them for controlling you? Take back your agency girlfriend! Make choices for yourself.

All our choices have consequences. Learn to be ok with that vs choosing something else because of someone else’s desire. What happens when you please others instead of yourself is you then become resentful of those choices you made. Can you see the trap here?

It’s time to be a grown a** woman! Make choices for yourself and you will discover the freedom you desire. 💜🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️💜

That’s the difference between a boss and a leader!!

To unlocking your potential,

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Mindful Spending & Navigating Lifestyle Creep with Cris Caruso

In this episode of the Prosperous Empath®, I’m sitting down with financial advisor and UNBOUNDED Mastermind Alum, Cris Caruso to talk about a phenomenon that many people have experienced in recent years: lifestyle creep. Cris has been in the financial services industry since 2004 and a financial advisor since 2008. Beyond that, she has pursued additional education in understanding how our behaviors shape financial outcomes by earning the Behavioral Financial Advisor designation from Think2Perform. She also earned the Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor credential prior to 2015 as a way to support her LGBTQIA+bclients and continues to use this knowledge to work with unmarried couples and non-traditional families. You’ll appreciate her unique experience throughout today’s episode as she speaks on lifestyle creep, or lifestyle inflation, which is overspending on things that you don’t actually need as your income increases. When you’re early in your career, your spending habits focus on must-haves like housing and groceries. But as your income increases, it’s easy to lose track of what is a necessity and what are simply too many luxuries, and to just keep buying more. Cris and I discuss both values-based and practical strategies on how to identify the areas of your life you should spend generously on and where to be more mindful to reach your long-term goals. How do you live in alignment with your money, especially as an entrepreneur and an empath? You’ll get an answer to this question as you listen to our thought provoking conversation on purposeful spending, the importance of allowing yourself to have fun & fabulous experiences, and more.

Visit this episode’s show notes page here.

The Prosperous Empath® Podcast is produced by Heart Centered Podcasting.

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