Oct 17, 2023 | Podcast, Your Business
The Overlaps of Motherhood and Entrepreneurship with Orlesa Poole
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About the episode:
Parenting and entrepreneurship is not a solo sport, but oftentimes we feel like we have to go through it alone. Orlesa Poole, therapist and parenting coach, is on the show today to share how she’s shifted her mindset postpartum to get really comfortable asking for help as a mom and as a business owner. There are so many overlaps in motherhood and entrepreneurship, and even though I’m not a mother yet, this conversation left me with so many actionable takeaways for receiving support, relinquishing control, and setting healthy boundaries. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
- How Orlesa’s experience with new motherhood during the pandemic lockdown led her to starting her business, Psychotherapy for Moms
- Why values clarification is the first thing that has to happen for setting healthy boundaries and how Orlesa helps her clients do this
- The connection between acceptance and finding joy in motherhood
- How to accept children fully as they are while addressing their negative behavior and teaching them consequences
- Some of the shifts that Orlesa has seen with mothers post-pandemic
- Why Orlesa’s biggest piece of advice for soon-to-be or new mothers is to learn to let go of control
- How receiving help and support can help to let go of control, whether it’s in business or motherhood
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Click here for a raw, unedited transcript of this episode
Catherine A. Wood 00:03
They are Alisa. Welcome to the podcast.
Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Catherine A. Wood 00:08
We were chatting before we hit record that we were connected through drew rabbit who, who, who I had on the podcast several months ago, and then, uh, Tiffany McLean as well. So it’s really fun to have you here today. And I think by way of just jumping in, like I’d love for you to share your pronouns, and then a little bit about your story.
Orlesa Poole 00:34
Okay, so my pronouns are she hers, um, my, my story, I don’t really know where to start. But I guess because we’re talking motherhood. I had my son in January 2020. Right before the pandemic happen. So I feel like in my memory, I had my son, we immediately had a pandemic. But the initial postpartum period was pretty rough for me. Because of postpartum anxiety, I’ve always struggled with anxiety, and I still call myself an anxious mom. And I’m sure a lot of like, highly sensitive, people still feel a lot of anxiety. But when it was time for me to go back to work, we were in the middle of lockdowns, I was an essential employee, because I’m a therapist, I was working in community mental health at the time. And I just wasn’t ready. Because I had so so much anxiety about having this new baby and exposing this new baby to what we thought was going to be like the end of the world. And I, you know, tried to get like medical exceptions and things like that. And they worked for a while. But then eventually, I was told no, you have to come back into the office. And I just couldn’t, I was still, you know, just extremely anxious still losing sleep at night, because of the numbers that it was a crazy thing. So I started my own practice, because I wanted to be virtual, and I wanted to do my own thing. And I wanted to be able to basically protect my son. So that’s how I got started. So I am the owner and lead therapist at managing motherhood psychotherapy. And because it was timely, it’s what I was experiencing. At the time, I was in groups of women who were just all struggling, we know the pandemic really threw moms for a loop. So to me, it felt very appropriate, knowing my struggle and knowing what all of my friends were struggling with, to start a psychotherapy practice for moms. So that’s basically what I did. And that’s how I got here.
Catherine A. Wood 02:40
Wow. So you were struggling, not struggling, you were experiencing being a COVID mom, and going out into entrepreneurship, all at the same time while being in a lockdown state.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I felt like I was forced to kind of go into entrepreneurship, you know, because of the lock downs and because of being a new mom, and just all of the feelings and anxieties that comes with that.
Catherine A. Wood 03:09
Wow. I mean, I, like commend you. You know, like, I work with a lot of new entrepreneurs, and that journey from corporate or a nine to five to entrepreneurship is no easy feat. And then on top of that, being a brand new mom, like that takes so much courage and bravery and, and I can absolutely hear that. You wanted to create a safe home for your son.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can see it looking back now. Like, take some courage to like jump out on your own right. But for me, like, keep myself safe. This isn’t courageous.
Catherine A. Wood 03:54
Totally. I mean, I so I partner with another coach in my mastermind, and she works with moms. And she talks a lot about the she talks about the mother ship, having a lot to do with entrepreneurship and like that, that sense of courage and bravery that we kind of find within ourselves when we’re forced to. So I can totally hear that like you. You didn’t you didn’t have a choice like you just kind of it was it was inevitable for you.
Yeah, I mean, happy like looking back so happy. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. But at the time, it definitely was self preservation.
Catherine A. Wood 04:38
Mm hmm. Well, how has that what was your entrepreneurial journey like? Like, building a business during the pandemic as a new mom like what was the road like for you?
Well, absent downs, um, it was a lot of fun. I had a really great support system. I did have assistants so I could not have done it without my sister actually came and was our nanny, because, you know, I was terrified of like opening up our bubble. So she would take care of my son while I was working. And I was able to like really jump in and dedicate all of my time to building my practice. It was interesting because being an entrepreneur, you have to do different things and different scary things. So you’re right, it was it was pretty scary. Because things like this networking, really putting yourself out there, like, those were the really hard parts for me actually having to become a business owner. And not just a clinician.
Catherine A. Wood 05:47
Totally. I mean, I think for so many of us who identify as empaths and highly sensitive, the the service part of our work, that being a practitioner, being a service provider, that’s easy. The networking, the owning our services, our expertise, the talking about our value, add the ownership over our pricing, like those are the those are the aspects that require like a whole new skill set that we need to develop.
Yeah, that’s the hard part. Actually being a therapy is absolutely amazing, right. But everything else outside of that that was brand new.
Catherine A. Wood 06:27
Well, I mean, I completely hear you, I think that’s why I launched this podcast, because there are so many heart centered entrepreneurs that I have connected with over the past decade, around the world who are so gifted at being a practitioner who are so just gifted in their business, but they don’t, necessarily. Yeah, like they, they don’t love the business aspects, or they don’t love the the money mindset aspects or, or they’re just kind of, you know, they we default to like following, following what experts tell us we should do to grow a business versus truly finding your way like finding your model your system, your approach to running your business. Oh, definitely. And I actually, I feel like that’s such a beautiful segue, because you said in. You said earlier, you mentioned that one of your favorite things to talk about are our boundary setting for moms. And I think that boundary setting in business is also extremely a game changer. So but I’d love to talk about I’d love to talk about boundary setting for moms. Because I mean, as I think about that next stage in my own family, like it’s certainly front of mind for me, and I’m wondering, like, what, what is that? What does that look like for you and your work with your clients? Like, how do you approach boundary setting as a mom partner?
Yeah, so I think for me, boundary setting starts with clarifying your values. It’s all about acting in alignment with your values and understanding that in setting a boundary, you’re acting in alignment with your values, it makes it a lot more comfortable. Because I think as moms, we are conditioned, I mean, we’re taught by society, right? Like once you become a mother, your life isn’t really yours. It’s not about you. It’s not about your happiness, right? It’s about everyone else. Even literally, as soon as the baby comes out, when people are visiting you, when people are calling you at the hospital, it has the baby, what’s the baby up to? Is the baby, okay? Is the baby healthy? Nobody really pays attention to my mom. So we kind of just lean into this whole like, oh, it’s not really about me like I am now my existence is to serve other people. And that makes it really hard for moms to set boundaries, like set boundaries at work set boundaries when it comes to entrepreneurship set boundaries when it comes to parenting. So for me, the first thing we do is we clarify values, because it’s like we’re not setting boundaries for no reason. We’re not setting boundaries to be mean. We’re setting boundaries, because we’re acting out of alignment with our values. And it’s affecting us in some way. Like there’s some negative impact. And because we as moms do so much in service to other people when we’re not good, they’re not good, right? We don’t have enough of us to really share with other people. So it’s about understanding why you want to set the boundary, the value that you have to prioritize, and then doing what it takes to prioritize that value and understanding that although there might be consequences To setting that boundary and prioritizing that value, the consequences of not doing that are even greater. I hope that makes sense. Because I know that was pretty. No, I think,
Catherine A. Wood 10:11
I think that makes a lot of sense. Like I, I and I almost hear that when we can connect with the importance of why we need to clarify our boundaries, that it makes it a lot easier to honor them. But and I noticed that I was also curious what your favorite either tool or technique is to support your clients in distinguishing their values. Because I think that that’s, that can also be really hard. Like, people, we know that it’s important to set to clarify our values. And yet, like, there’s, I feel like there’s so many different tools and books and approaches to do that. And I’m just wondering, if you have a favorite approach?
No, to be honest. So for me, it’s very there are like values, clarification worksheets, and things like that. And I used to have clients fill those out in the past, and it was kind of like, okay, well, now I’ve clarified them. Now what, so for me, the way it really works is when moms come to me, it’s because they’re struggling with something, they have something in their life, that is, you know, taking away from their joy of being a mom. And when they come to me with these problems, we look at the problem we go, what needs to be changed. And a lot of times what needs to be changed is some sort of boundary setting. And we’re having difficulty setting the boundary because of what I already told you, right? Because a lot of people are going to be upset, and oh, I’ve already agreed to this kind of thing. So in clarifying our values, what we’re really asking what I asked clients is, what about the situation doesn’t feel good, because that’s how we can figure out how you’re out of alignment. So if I have a mom, who is an example, a mom who picks up her kids at three o’clock, but she doesn’t stop work, until five o’clock. So she is trying to work and parent at the same time, her kids are driving her insane, she’s finding that she has a lot of like, anger and aggression towards her kids in the afternoon. And she’s like, I really don’t like it. But I don’t know what to do about it. Because, you know, I’m trying to do all of the things at one time. So if that’s, you know, situation, we have to say, Okay, well, what about the situation is really bothering you what part of it is really causing stress? And a lot of times, it’s going to be like, I don’t want to be yelling at my kids, but I need to get my work done. Right. So what are the values there that need to be prioritized, which values are not being prioritized right now. So, you know, one value could be, well, my work is very important to me, I want to work at Integrity, I don’t get off until five. So I need the kids to do something, leave me alone, right, like be occupied, so that I can get my work done. Because it is very important for me, I value financial stability, I value being able to take care of my family, but also working in integrity. And if I say I’m not getting off until five, I’m not getting off until five. So at that point, we say,
you don’t want to yell at your kids. Because you know, of course, another value that would come up here is like kindness and love and like being respectful towards my children. So how do we prioritize both of those? Well, the boundary that’s going to have to be set is here, your children are going to have to play independently, you’re going to have to maybe use screen time when you don’t want to, you’re maybe going to have to set really strict rules with them and say, here’s the timer. Mommy needs 30 minutes of uninterrupted time, like it’s going to look different for everybody. But we’re gonna set boundaries in order to protect that work time so that you can act in integrity, so that you’re also not feeling pulled in every direction, and then yelling at your kids, because you’re just so frustrated. I hope that makes sense.
Catherine A. Wood 14:06
I don’t think that’s super clear. And I love I love the piece around how you where you start, like it sounds like you really start with the conversation around like the problem that your clients are experiencing, where they’re acting out of integrity with how they want to show up, where they’re kind of expressing themselves with their kids in a way that they’re not committed to. It sounds like that that is kind of a an illuminating place to kind of see an opportunity for a boundary.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of I work with a lot of burnt out overwhelmed, angry moms who they’re not angry moms, but they think they’re angry moms, right? Because they’re like, I keep yelling at my kid and I really hate it. So they already know that they’re acting out of alignment when it comes to like how they’re showing up for the kids and how they’re paying Parenting, what they don’t realize is that a lot of times the stress of acting a lot of out of alignment when it comes to other things is contributing to that.
Catherine A. Wood 15:11
Mm hmm. I mean, I am thinking, as you’re mentioning this, I’m thinking about relationship because something i i say a lot is like the idea that consider when you’re being bitter or resentful that your bitterness or resentment is the consequence of something left unsaid.
Exactly. Yes. Yeah. So I
Catherine A. Wood 15:39
can totally hear how it can come up in marriage and partnership, and it can also come up in your mothership.
I mean, when we deal with kids, right, when our kids have behaviors that we don’t like, we always ask ourselves, what’s the why behind the behavior? What is this behavior telling us? The same goes for us, right? Like, what is your frustration and your anger telling you, you’re not this angry person. So what need is unmet. And the need might be as simple as I need time to complete my work, I need uninterrupted time to complete my work. So that once I take that uninterrupted time, and I feel like I’ve given enough there, I can truly unplug and then be with my kids fully.
Catherine A. Wood 16:24
Mm hmm. You mentioned earlier that, that you that you still identify as an anxious mom. And I think, honestly, I think so many new moms during the pandemic would relate with that, because there were so many curveballs that we couldn’t anticipate. And I, I notice, so often, that our fear or anxiety when it’s left unchecked, can result in kind of this predisposition to be controlling. And I wonder how that, how that shows up in your work and how you support your, your clients and addressing kind of that tendency to control?
Yeah, so I know it’s a loaded topic? Well, you know, it is because, again, it depends on how it’s coming out, right, like, we can address it from so many different angles. But as far as the control, a lot of it is, you know, gonna be radical acceptance, about understanding that the more you try to control, the more out of control you’re going to feel. Because when it comes to parenting, nothing is really within your control, like there’s another entire human being being influenced by an entire system that you are only just a part of. So control, when it comes to parenting, it’s really just an illusion that causes us a lot of stress. So, you know, I always go back to what are the consequences of this, because in trying to control, you are trying to protect yourself, you’re trying to protect your child, you’re trying to ensure safety for you and your family. At the same time, what are the consequences? In what ways is that desire for control backfiring, and not ensuring the safety that you want so badly to have?
Catherine A. Wood 18:31
Sounds like, Yeah, it sounds, it makes complete sense intellectually. And I wonder, like the practical implementation of that, of understanding somatically in your body, in your heart, that control is an illusion. What do you notice actually makes a difference in, in getting that, you know, like, in truly understanding that control is an illusion, and that it’s not possible even when we attempt to.
Now, you know, to be honest, a lot of what I do when it comes to moms who are controlling is planning for the worst case scenario, understanding the worst case scenario, so that we can really understand that usually, the worst case scenario is something that you will manage and you will handle and you will be just fine. And it’s going to be extremely difficult, but you are also extremely strong, and your children are extremely resilient. So it’s about going there going where they don’t want to go right, and then helping them to come to that place of safety. So you are terrified of this thing. Let’s go there. And let’s see how actually manageable it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But will you be okay. And coming to that intellectual understanding of I will be okay. Kind of helps with accepting. Okay, well, I’m saying Now, because even when I get there, I know what it’s gonna take to be safe.
Catherine A. Wood 20:06
I could, I could totally understand how planning for that worst case scenario would would support it in self acceptance, right? You said radical self acceptance. But also in kind of reconnecting with your vision for motherhood, right, because it’s like when we can accept what is it allows us to, it allows space to connect with what we want. And you, you know, you shared that you love. You love talking about finding joy and motherhood. And I imagine that there’s a huge connection between acceptance and finding joy. Yeah,
okay. So, yeah, I’m really excited. And my brain is going in all sorts of directions. But yeah, the part of it part of finding the joy is having that acceptance, right, because you come to terms with your strength, you come to, you know, part of even doing the worst case scenario top that I’m talking about is going back into the past. And like, Have you had any similar situations like this, or reminding them of similar situations that they’ve had, and like how much they’ve overcome to kind of again, like, enhance that sense of safety, like in yourself that you’re gonna be able to handle whatever. So a lot of finding joy is letting go, because her mom’s a lot of what takes away from our joy. Is that anxiety is that what if Is that am I doing a good job is the blame, you know, every kid goes through a crazy phase, we call it the terrible twos, but then you realize that it’s the terrible ones, twos, threes, fours, but that causes so much stress for moms, because they blame themselves so much for their child’s behavior. And that takes a lot of acceptance work, you know, accepting that my child isn’t going to be this perfect, well behaved child because that literally doesn’t exist. And I tell people all the time, like my child, he’s three and a half, he’s extremely well behaved. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t tantrum that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hit that doesn’t mean he doesn’t yell, right. So for me, being able to say, oh, yeah, my child is really well behaved. I also came with a ton of acceptance, that he’s going to have these behaviors that I don’t like that we’re going to have to address. But I’m going to accept them as normal and part of his development and like actually, really, really good for him. It’s good when he’s saying no, it’s good. When he’s yelling, it’s good when he’s hitting. Those are opportunities for me to teach. Right? Like, yeah, it’s fine to say, No, I appreciate that. No, it’s not fine to hit. How can we work on that? How can we make this a skill building thing, right? But you have to come from a place of acceptance.
Catherine A. Wood 23:01
Mm hmm. I so appreciate that. You know, I was chatting with a friend of mine recently, and she has a five year old, so I guess a little older than your son. But she her five year old is extremely emotive, like allowed, has no issue saying no, like clarifying what she wants and what she doesn’t want. And sometimes like a, you know, maybe like a socially offensive way. But as five year olds do, as five year olds do, and something I always joke with my friend about is like, you know what, like, more power to you, Mama, because there’s going to be so much less for your daughter to unlearn. Later, when she’s not a people pleaser, and give her like that. She knows what she wants. And she’s loud, like,
I love these kids come out the way they’re supposed to come out, right? If they’re supposed to have their aggressive moments, they’re supposed to be wild. They’re supposed to say no, like, that’s what we want. That’s them having autonomy over themselves and over their bodies and like learning how to fill up space in the world, right? Like, that’s what we want. We just don’t want it all the time. We want inappropriate scenarios. Yeah. But it’s all important. It’s so important.
Catherine A. Wood 24:21
That’s something I really appreciate about my audience is that so many of us identify as recovering people pleasers. And so I think that there’s probably for for those for my listeners who are moms like there’s, I can imagine that they’re hearing this conversation and they’re like, yes, like I so want this for my children, for them to be able to be loud to tell me no to say what they want. And I could imagine it’s also at odds with their own upbringing, and how they were raised being a mama’s child and a good girl. I’ll enter pleaser. And so how do you, mother while also kind of having, having some compassion for your own journey, because I just I imagine there’s some conflict there, you know, like a part of me knowing like, Oh, I’m so happy, my daughter is telling me no and yelling. And another part of me is like butt off? Why couldn’t she just be the good girl? Like I was just want to make your mom happy. You know, like, there’s those conflicting sides, you
know, you know what’s funny I parenting is just one big conflict. But I also do, like parent coaching and parent work and Child Behavior work. So it’s probably a little funny that I’m sitting here going, Yeah, your kid supposed to yell at you and say no. Because I also do a lot of work on how do we get kids behavior to be manageable. And there’s definitely a balance. And the reason I started doing the child behavior work is because again, I had these moms coming to me, they were so stressed out, they were so burned out. And one thing that was really causing a lot of stress was managing their child’s difficult behaviors. And part of it, of course, is going to be acceptance, part of it is going to be education on completely normal developmental, you know, milestones that your kid has to reach, part of it is going to be helping a parent understand what function this behavior is serving, right, so that we can be more accepting of it when our kid is saying, well, at the same time, my priority as a mom, is going to be my mental health, and making sure that I am not stressed out. And part of that is going to be my child behaving in ways that I need them to behave, so that I’m not always losing my mind, if that makes sense. And that’s where we kind of find the balance, we’re accepting of our children, we’re understanding that we’re not going to have these quote unquote, perfect kids. At the same time, I still want a child that knows that it’s important to listen, sometimes I don’t want them blindly obeying. But I want to raise a child that is conscientious and that understands, like, sometimes it’s important to listen, when we’re crossing the street, it’s important to listen, it doesn’t matter what I want. You know, when they’re in school, and they’re around other kids, it’s important to listen, when they’re around other kids period, it’s important to not hit because then hitting affects other people. Right? So like, that’s, I hope that’s an answer. But like, that’s kind of the ballots, we can accept them fully as they are, but still understand that sometimes their behavior has consequences to other people, whether it be me, whether it be other kids around, and that when we address the behavior, and that’s when we say, Let’s teach you about these consequences, so that you understand that not all behavior can happen at all times.
Catherine A. Wood 28:02
I feel like I’m taking notes for my future years of motherhood, that are hopefully in my not too distant future. But I guess I’m wondering, like, what that how does, how does that look in a very practical, tangible way, right? Like, my child yells at me at someone else. And I’m wanting to, you know, hear them and appreciate their self expression, while also being clear on the consequences of their behavior. So can you just walk me through an example of how you might work with a mom to handle a child? Who’s over perhaps overly self expressed?
Yeah, so a kid who’s yelling, um, one of the like, go to Tracks is just you kind of lowering your voice and say, you know, I actually can’t hear you when you’re yelling, I think I need you to lower your voice a little bit. So you’re not even like, really, you’re not going you’re not supposed to yell. Because what’s that going to do? That’s just going to elevate them even more. But you’re just kind of teaching them. You’re elevated, but I’m calm. I’m gonna stay calm, but I can’t actually hear you when you’re yelling. And I’m a big fan of, you know, if a kid is treating you aggressively, it’s okay to walk away. It’s okay. If your kid and you love them very much. It is okay for you to say, I don’t feel safe in this situation. I’m going to have to walk away. When you’re calm, I’ll
Catherine A. Wood 29:27
come back. That’s perfectly fine. So I hear modeling, like I almost hear Yeah, modeling the behavior that you want to instill. Yeah,
modeling, but then also it’s it’s setting boundaries, right? By saying, I can’t hear you when you’re yelling like that. I need you to quiet down a little bit. But then it’s also consequences, right? When you are yelling, and I say I actually can’t hear you. I need you to say that a little quieter. That’s a consequence because I’m not addressing whatever it is that you’re yelling about. And in order for me to address that, you’re gonna have to lower your voice, right? If I’m saying I don’t feel safe right now, and I’m walking away, that’s a consequence. You don’t want me to walk away.
Catherine A. Wood 30:12
Yeah, yeah, I love that example. I am curious about how your work with with moms has changed over the past three and a half years, right? Because now we’re three and a half years into the pandemic. And the numbers are starting to increase again, like I don’t know about you. But in my, in my family circle, like I’ve just heard of several family, several friends and family members of friends being diagnosed with COVID. Again, so I guess I’m curious, like, how do you notice you your mom’s like, being in motherhood at this point in COVID, versus where they were, you know, last year, two years ago, three years ago, like, what do you notice? Are some of the shifts?
Good and bad? As far as just handling COVID? We have just really shifted as a society, right? Like, no one’s really that concerned about it anymore. I do have a ton of moms and a ton of kids getting sick right now. At the same time, it’s something that’s happened, we’ve experienced it before, it doesn’t come with that huge emotional toll. Because you know, it’s COVID We’ll be fine. We’ve been here before we’ll go through it again. What I find to be the biggest stressor for moms now as we’ve I can’t even say reentering like we’ve re entered society is just managing it all. And when I say that, I mean, like, for a while, we weren’t doing school pickups and drop offs. We were doing virtual school, but things were different. We, you know, a lot more moms were working from home. And now moms are being told to go back into the office, which is a huge shift. And it’s happening just so abruptly. And you know, we’re kind of just getting, I’ve seen a lot more burnout now, because moms are having to do a lot more and manage a lot more than they have then over the past few years.
Catherine A. Wood 32:22
Yeah, I mean, in the entrepreneurial circles that I move in, like, I’ve just been noticing a lot this year, that there’s still this collective exhaustion that we’re operating on top of that we don’t necessarily have words for, or research to pack up, but that there’s just this energetic heaviness from all the months of anxiety and burnout, and over functioning that we’ve operated on top of and so I can just imagine the extra dimensions that that brings to motherhood?
Well, we have all of this right, like all of this emotional heaviness. And then we’re supposed to just be expected to go back to life as it was before life is normal. But what is normal? So yeah, it, it is hard on moms, because we also know that when we have to shift and when we have to adjust, who does it fall on? It falls on mom’s like adjusting when it came to pandemic parenting, the bulk of that fell on moms. And now it’s happening all over again. But in the reverse when we still haven’t recovered from having to adjust to that shift, you know, a couple years ago.
Catherine A. Wood 33:36
Yeah, so for those of us who are expecting moms or, you know, moms to be God willing, like, what, what’s your like, what words of wisdom would you offer? Like I just said, and just appreciating all of your wisdom that you bring to your clients, not only from personal experience, but from all your years of practitioners. So maybe this is coming from my own, like, want my own need to control or want to, like anticipate future breakdowns.
Here’s the thing. My advice to somebody who is planning on becoming a mom would honestly be go ahead and let go under control right now. Like prepare to be thrown for a loop. And just be able to like prepare to kind of just go with the wind because the more you push and you push and you push, the harder it is like when they’re little you’re gonna have to adjust to being on somebody else’s sleep and wake schedule, right? You’re gonna have to adjust to your kid maybe not feeling exactly the way you want them to. You’re gonna have to adjust to like so many different things and then they get older and like they have these behaviors. And you’re gonna have to adjust to like a kid saying no and nodding gauging in power struggles, like, motherhood becomes so much easier when you really just learn to adjust and pivot and be flexible. I mean, as far as that is I say that like, it’s so easy. No, it’s very hard. But once we do it, it gets easier.
Catherine A. Wood 35:20
Yeah. Well, I mean, I really appreciate you saying that. Because, you know, I’m not a mom. But in your words, like I hear, I hear so much of my coaching partners, or it’s like, there’s so much overlap between motherhood and entrepreneurship, there’s so much like need to surrender control, to release your attachments to, like, practice vulnerable communication and relationship to surrender to the give and take of, of both. Like there’s, there’s just a lot of similar mindset breakthroughs that could support entrepreneurship and motherhood.
Yeah. With both you never know what’s coming next, right? You really walk in kind of blind and just hoping for the best and going, whatever happens? I got it. We’ll figure it out.
Catherine A. Wood 36:12
Yeah. Yeah, I really, I really love that like, just the idea of being adaptive, being dynamic. And also kind of surrendering to the adventure, like allowing the journey to unfold versus being so attached to how it goes at every step of the way.
But you then you know, also something else that I think is important for somebody who’s a new mom or preparing to be a mom is also just trusting yourself, trusting your intuition and trusting that although it might not feel like it’s coming naturally. You know what to do?
Catherine A. Wood 36:56
Mm hmm. So I wonder if maybe if we could just like wrap on this topic, because I’m wondering how receiving help and support feeds into this conversation around releasing control, knowing what to do allowing yourself to be supported and nurtured, helped along the way, like, how does that feed into your work?
Yeah, so it’s funny, I was just having a conversation with someone earlier today, who was working on sharing the load. And the difficulty that comes with sharing the load is that people might do things differently than you, right. So when it comes to accepting support, I think the biggest thing is understanding that there is a difference between different and wrong. We as moms, again, because we want to keep everyone happy and alive. We do want to control and we have a right way of doing things. And when we insist on our way of doing things all of the time, it’s hard for other people to help. And even when they are helping, we’re still overseeing and we’re still managing, and that’s not really help, right? So it’s really important to ask yourself, when you are accepting help, are they doing it differently than you? Or are they doing something wrong? Are they doing something that is going to cause harm to your child? If what they’re doing isn’t going to cause harm, then it might be okay. And we might have to kind of lower our expectations a little bit in order to accept the help.
Catherine A. Wood 38:33
That is brilliant. I love that like, oof. I hope my Podcast Producer pulls that quote for today, because that just feels like such a powerful lesson. Like really getting that there’s a difference between different and wrong. And looking at the ramifications of someone else’s approach and seeing what the consequences are, can really support a mom in distinguishing like, is someone else just doing it differently? Or, you know, is there a threat of them doing it in a wrong way? Yeah. I’m taking that with me from today. I hope you do.
Because as moms we all need that support. We all need that help, like parenting is not a solo sport. But in order to accept it, you know, not everyone’s gonna do things the way we we do them. So
Catherine A. Wood 39:30
we also have to accept that. Yeah. Well, as we as we wrap up today, I asked this of all of my guests and I’d love to hear your answer like what do you say has supported you and becoming a prosperous and Beth?
That’s so funny. Okay, what has actually supported me is relying on my support system. I rely on my support systems so much, and I don’t even feel bad about relying on them. I do not feel bad about asking for help. because they are helped as well, right? When I am in a good place, I also give a ton of help. So, you know, like I said, from the very beginning, in order to start my business, my sister had to volunteer to be my nanny and like, watch my kid. And that means she actually left her job in order to come in nanny for me and yeah, she was compensated, but that was still a huge ask. I’m okay with that. Because it worked for her. She, you know, got the flexibility that she wanted. She has an amazing relationship with my child. Now she has a kid and we’re also extremely close. And I have an amazing relationship with my knees. Right? But it was a huge ask. So I have been able to accomplish what I’ve accomplished, because I have helped because my husband reads my blog posts and make sure they’re okay. Like, because a family member or a friend, like listens to my podcast and says, yeah, that episode sounds great. Like, don’t freak out about it, you know, like, ask for help and accept help, but then also give help as you can.
Catherine A. Wood 41:09
Such a powerful reminder and honestly, there’s something so incredibly vulnerable about that, about being willing to ask for help to know you deserve it to know you’re worthy of it, and to trust the people in your life that they will say yes or no or give you a counteroffer.
Yeah, and it’s okay for them to say no, right? It’s okay for them to say no. Your job is to ask their job is to set the boundary.
Catherine A. Wood 41:36
Totally. Yes. Or Alyssa, thank you so much for today. It was so lovely to connect with you and I’m, I’m taking I’m taking a lot of gems.
Awesome. Thank you so much for having me.
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Creating Transformational Group Containers with Kerry Dobson
Have you been thinking of adding a group program to your business offerings (or even investing in one)? This episode of The Prosperous Empath is for you! I’m honored to have Kerry Dobson, a coach who supports authors, coaches, and other thought leaders in crafting & leading their own group certification programs, on the show. After hosting over 100 professional groups in her career, Kerry has so much insight into what makes a group course successful for the leader and the participants via igniting passion and creating long lasting & impactful connections. Just by listening, you can hear the care and expertise she brings to this work. Your programs can be just as transformational as your 1:1 offerings, consider today’s episode as a resource to help you get started on creating your own!
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