The Four States of Consciousness: How Perspective Shapes Your Reality

Catherine A. Wood  00:01

Hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Cat here. I’ve been thinking a lot about a term that I referenced on the last podcast episode, this idea that we are currently living in a VUCA world. For those of you who haven’t tuned into the last episode, VUCA stands for volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous and gosh, it just really hits home for me that that is the world we’re currently living in right now. And for us empaths, for the deep feelers that we are, I find that for us in particular, it can be incredibly challenging to feel grounded, centered, connected with our higher self, so that we can respond to the complexities, to the uncertainties that we’re currently facing now, I think that there are conversations that hit us at different times in our lives that can change the trajectory of our entire lives. And I’m reminded of a quote that I once heard Wayne Dyer say. He said, When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And as a coach, I think that’s fundamentally the core of our job, right? It’s to support our clients in changing the way that we look at things, that the things we look at change. And oftentimes we hear things when we’re ready to hear them. And the framework that I actually want to share with you today on the podcast is a framework that I first heard back in 2014 when I was still in my coach training program. But I don’t think I was really ready to hear it at that time, it didn’t make much sense to me, but a couple years ago, one of my teachers shared this same framework, and I think I was just ready to hear the wisdom of his words and the power of this concept. So today, I want to share with you a framework that has fundamentally supported my clients and myself in changing the way we look at things so that the things we look at change. And my hope is that today’s conversation can provide a little bit more inspiration, a little bit more peace, a little bit more self compassion, acceptance and a little bit more empowerment to support you in changing the way you might be looking currently at the things that are going on in our world. Now, this framework that I want to introduce today is one that I was initially introduced to by the work of Michael Bernard Beckwith, and it’s called The Four Kingdoms of consciousness. So today’s talk is really adapted from his framework, the four kingdoms of consciousness, but the one of my teachers, Jim deathmer, he’s the founder of the conscious leadership group. He adapted the four kingdoms of consciousness and and for me, it was his words and hearing him talk about the four ways of leading in the world that that provide me constant peace, that provide me constant grounding and constant direction with this VUCA world that we’re currently facing and who we want to be in the face of it, this tool is at the heart and the core of ways in which I partner with my clients, both in my one on one practice, and in the mastermind. It’s one of my very favorite frameworks for transformation and personal growth, and I really wanted to gift it to you all today, because I think that the world in which we’re living is changing and that we as a and that we as a collective are truly deepening our own collective consciousness, and We’re growing and evolving as humanity. And I think that this tool and the concepts that it provide will really support all of us in responding consciously, in responding collectively and responding with intention, with purpose, in alignment with our values to all. Of the tumultuous all of the uncertainty, all of the chaos and the overwhelm and the fear that feels incredibly pervasive right now. I hope you enjoy. I I hope you find some peace. I hope you find some direction. I hope you find some clarity in today’s episode. You so the framework where I’m going to talk about today is called different things by different teachers. Michael Bernard Beckwith, he calls it the four kingdoms of consciousness. Jim deathmer at the conscious leadership group calls it the four ways of leading, and I like to call it the four states of consciousness. Now the four states of consciousness essentially describe four different stages of spiritual growth and personal transformation, and these stages represent how individuals, how we as individuals, relate and respond to life challenges and our ability to create our own reality, regardless of the circumstances. So these four stages, and I’m going to use the terms that for me, are the most helpful in describing these four states. So the four states are to me, by me, through me and as me. And I’m going to explore each of them with you now. The first thing I want to say about these states is that these are states. They’re not stages. So these are not stages of learning. They’re not stages of education or graduating from elementary to middle to high school to to bachelor to post grad these are these are states, so you can move in and through them. They’re essentially four ways of showing up and leading in the world in any moment. So in any moment in time we can be leading from this place of things happening to me, things happening by me, things happening through me, or things happening as me. Now, we often think that there’s a right way of leading and there’s a wrong way. And I want to, I want to invite you to consider that not any of these states is better than any of the others. Oftentimes, when we are attached or believe we need to be showing up in one way or another, that oftentimes contributes to our inability to flow more naturally and effortlessly between and among states. And when we’re in a state, consider that there is a really good reason that we’re there. So we’re gonna start in to me consciousness. Now in to me consciousness, we’re showing up from the perspective that life is happening to me. And when we’re showing up in to me consciousness, there’s typically a damn good reason that we’re there. We’re oftentimes in a moment of survival consciousness, where our ego, identity is perceiving a threat, and our entire system, our entire nervous system, is managing around this state and trying to survive. So whenever we’re in this threatened state whenever our nervous system is feeling unregulated, whenever our breathing is fast, we’re feeling ungrounded. We’re feeling scared, fearful, frustrated. It’s typically because we’re scared. Now the antidote to fear is acceptance, love. Having kindness, presence and self compassion. So an example where many of us are currently living in the state. Right now, we are in this survival state of of wondering. You. We’re in this state of feeling powerless, of feeling like we have no control over what politics are happening around us. There’s large emotions of fear and resentment and frustration and and typically, our nervous system is feeling really unregulated now the antidote to what we’re currently experiencing is not accepting what’s happening, but accepting that we are scared about what’s happening now our ego identities are typically committed to being righteous, to placing blame, To being attached, to being righteous to doubling down on on this attachment that we’re at risk, that that that these things are happening to us, and there’s no growth in doubling down on being right about how horrible the politicians in office are to double down on being righteous or self indignant or placing blame on others. There’s no growth there. There’s no higher levels of consciousness and creativity and acceptance and self compassion or transformation there. So when we look at shifting from to me to by me consciousness that that shift, that move, starts with taking radical responsibility. Now here’s the thing about radical responsibility. Radical responsibility can’t be assigned. It can only be taken. So we can’t make someone else take radical responsibility for the fact that they’re terrified or that they’re angry or that they’re scared or that they’re sad or that they feel powerless or hopeless. It cannot be assigned. It cannot be put on someone else. It can only be taken. So you know, in romantic relationships, we oftentimes argue about this idea that we have to have a 5050, compromise. But in reality, consider that the key to a successful relationship is not 5050, responsibility. It is 100 100 responsibility when we want to, when we want to take less than 100% responsibility. It’s typically because there is a part of us that’s holding on to that victim consciousness, that idea that it’s not all my fault that my partner has to take some of the responsibility, has to take some of the blame. And so that’s a little bit more of it like that is a little bit more of the tummy consciousness. So we can’t place responsibility on someone else. We can just take all of it for ourself. Now another key is you can’t take more than 100% responsibility, because when you’re taking more than 100% responsibility, you’re oftentimes showing up as the hero you’re trying to to rescue or relieve the tension, and that can oftentimes result in eventual frustration or resentment or a measurement in that relationship. So I use that as an example for why radical responsibility. It cannot be assigned. It can only be taken, and it can only be taken by ourselves, when we are willing and when we are ready to shift out of our current state of consciousness to a different one. So again, the move from to me consciousness to buy me consciousness is through taking responsibility. Now I want to provide a couple more examples of how you might know when you’re in Tumi consciousness, before we look at the next state of consciousness, which is by me consciousness. So when we’re in Tumi consciousness. Consciousness. We’re often sharing or experiencing life through the mantra, life happens to me. So when life is happening to me, we’re typically on what I like to call and what is often called the Drama Triangle. So imagine a triangle and the three angles of the drive of the triangle have the hero, the victim and the villain. So whenever we are living on the Drama Triangle, we’re typically either playing one of these roles or relating to the other individuals or circumstances in our life as playing one of these roles. So as empaths, we are oftentimes playing the role of the hero. We’re oftentimes trying to solve someone else’s problem, care for other people, save the day. Do more, accomplish more, help more. We’re oftentimes, um, trying

Speaker 1  16:01

to

Catherine A. Wood  16:07

make that a plus performance, or be that all star high achiever, we’re typically being driven and ambitious and kind of driven by that tendency to do more, be more, accomplish more, and when we’re showing up as the hero, it oftentimes feels really good, and it can often also feel selfless. It can often feel like we’re we’re giving and we’re contributing and we’re helping. But when we are giving and helping and contributing from this place of responding to a problem or responding to a crisis that needs to be averted or someone else’s problems that we want to help or solve, we’re often on the Drama Triangle. And when we’re on the Drama Triangle. We are playing a automatic role. We’re playing a typically subconscious role that’s not the full expression of who we are, that’s not the full expression of our creative our creatorship. That’s not the full expression of how we can respond and what we can create and how we can creatively contribute to change. And it’s really tricky, because when we do fall into that hero role, we often are being helpful and we often are being selfless, but when it’s largely subconscious, when it’s when it’s largely responding to a crisis, a need to be helpful, a need to save the day, and need to prove our worth or lovability, that is still a sign that we are in to me consciousness. Now we’re often showing up in that hero role when someone else presents in a need or in a state of helplessness or powerlessness, they they show up with a level of victim consciousness and are asking for our help, or we might be responding on behalf of someone else, Right? So if someone is being, if there’s some some villain, sorry. Let me start that one over. So that’s the example of the Drama Triangle. When we fall into one of those predictable roles of playing the hero, the villain or the victim, we’re typically somewhere on that Drama Triangle. Life is happening to us. We’re reacting rather than responding. It’s largely subconscious or automatic, and there’s largely something at risk. Our ego, identity is at stake. Now, how do you know if you’re on the Drama Triangle? So I think one of the key ways we know when we’re on the Drama Triangle is by listening for what questions we are trying to answer. So if we’re trying to answer the question, Why me? Why is this happening to me? Whose fault is this? Why did you do this? How could you right, like you can hear, even in the tone of the questions I ask, that I’m a little more on edge. I’m I sound a little bit more stressed out. I’m also responding from kind of like my upper chest, rather than from my grounded belly. The experience is coming from a place of blaming or complaining or righteousness, and there is this fun to. Mental belief that there’s a problem, that someone else caused a problem, and that we need to fix it. All right, so those are all signs that you Yes, those are all signs of being in to me, consciousness. Now again, if when we want to shift from to me, consciousness, to buy me consciousness, it starts with taking radical responsibility. Now we’re not taking responsibility for whatever circumstances are happening, but we are taking responsibility. We are taking responsibility for the way we are looking at the world. So coming back to Wayne Dyer’s quote, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So when I can take radical responsibility for the fact that I’m terrified, I’m scared about what’s happening in the world around me. I’m scared about what’s happening in the environment. I’m scared about what’s happening with all of my former colleagues in the international development space. I feel angry on their behalf, and I’m scared about their future. I’m scared about the future of Global Affairs and International Relations and our planet right now, even just saying that, even just acknowledging that I’m scared and I I become more responsible for those feelings. And as I become more responsible for those feelings, the things I look at start to change. And here enters buy me, consciousness. By me. Consciousness is the state of consciousness of creator, consciousness or responsibility. Consciousness, creator and responsibility. Consciousness is this idea that we get to start experiencing life through the lens of what do I want, or what do I want to create. So these are some of the key questions that we get to start answering when we are showing up in buy me consciousness. What do I want? What do I want to create? How do I want to respond? Now you can hear that when we get to start to answer those questions, there’s a lot more creativity possible. There’s a lot more curiosity possible. There’s a lot more hope possibility, appreciation. So the way we look at things start to change, and as the way we look at things start to change, the ways in which we can respond, the solutions in which we come up with, the creative contributions in which we glean, start to emerge. And they don’t emerge through forcing or blaming or resentment or efforting. They evolve from a place of curiosity, appreciation, intuition and creation. So when we take responsibility, we start to become the source of our own experience. And when we become the source of our own experience, the source of our own experience of life, the source of our own experience, of our feelings, of what we’re experiencing, then we become the architect of our future. We become the architect of our life, and we can start to design and create our life and how we want to show up and how we want to respond. Now, this move from by me to Toomey consciousness can feel really hard for a lot of folks, because we can feel really powerless and we can feel really hopeless when we’re in Toomey consciousness, and we might not even necessarily know that we’re there. So this is oftentimes why coaching is so helpful, because we start to glean more self awareness and more self knowledge around the ways in which we show up when we’re showing up in Tumi consciousness, because largely, we don’t know we’re there when we’re there. Now it can start. You can start to do some of this self work for yourself. You can start. To begin to shift your own consciousness by deepening your own level of self awareness. As we learn to gain some awareness around how we’re showing up, we take a little bit more acceptance around what we’re experiencing, so that we can start to shift more effortlessly and more naturally. Now I will tell you that one of my favorite places to do my own inner work these days is in the hot tub in the morning. So during my hot tub mornings, if I notice that my mind is racing or I’m stressed about something going on with the baby. Maybe he slept pretty crappy again the night before, or maybe he didn’t follow any of his routine the day before. Or maybe I got some bad news, or maybe I read some bad news, and my mind is racing. I feel a little bit unsettled. I’m not coming up with creative responses. I don’t have any direction around what I want to do or what my priorities are. For me, those are all signs that I’m showing up in Tumi consciousness. I’m unsettled. I have a racing mind. I’m not grounded. I’m typically showing up in my in my chest, chakra, like I just feel largely on, largely unsettled, like short, shallow breathing and and sometimes like a slight headache. So for me, those are huge signs I’m into me. Consciousness now, embodiment is super key to point to what state of consciousness that we’re in. So when you’re into me consciousness, consider taking a look at what’s your breath pause, what’s your breath pattern? Are you breathing from your chest? Are you doing box breathing? Are you taking deep meditative breaths. Are you holding on the inhale, on the exhale, or are you taking short, shallow breaths? Do you notice you’re grinding your teeth or your shoulders locked? Are you sucking for air? Another another key posture is to take a look at your body posture. What’s your body doing? Are your shoulders up and locked, or are they down and back? I have been having constant shoulder challenges lately because we’re still co sleeping, and I’m noticing that even my embodiment, it’s not it’s not really grounded right now, because I’m still stressing a little bit about my my baby’s sleep and wanting him to sleep through the night. And for me, that’s just a flavor of my current to me consciousness. Now, again, nothing wrong. It’s not a problem, right? This is something that every baby goes through some some of the most feedback I’ve received on podcasts lately was the episode in which I talked about my baby sleep and more parents responded about the challenges that they faced when their babies weren’t sleeping. And I get it like been there doing that. That’s my current experience of life, and I as I can become more accepting of my current experience of life, I start to take responsibility for them and shift to designing my response, or looking at what I want to create and who I want to be in the matter. And that’s truly the shift from to me, to buy me consciousness. You when we stop seeing life as a series of problems and we begin to see life as a series of opportunities, our experience becomes one of creation, curiosity and appreciation in buy me consciousness, we can start to have a little bit more fun around how we’re creating our own experience and how we want to be and how we want to respond. So when we’re in buy me consciousness, the mantra is often one of I make life happen. Some of the key questions that we ask here are, what do I want to create? Or what do I want? Some of the core beliefs of by me consciousness are this idea that I created my current experience so I can solve it and I can learn from it. Now. Some of the benefits. Fits of showing up in by me consciousness are that we experience a level of personal empowerment we explain we experience a lot more clarity around what we want and what our desires are. Now, many of us spend the majority of our time shifting from to me to buy me consciousness, for those of us who are really committed to higher levels of consciousness, we might continue to through me. Consciousness through me. Consciousness is this next level of consciousness and the mantra and through me. Consciousness is this idea that I cooperate with life happening in through me. Consciousness, the I starts to evaporate and dissolve, and we start to become more CO connected with life happening around and through us when we’re in through me consciousness. The key question is, what wants to happen through me? Now, I think this is really beautiful, the move from by me, consciousness to through me, consciousness is to become surrendered to our experience. So when we can let go of our own human attachments, around what we’re creating, around our results, around our attachment to goals, around our our attachment to be, being the source of our own experience. We can become more CO connected with life force, with God, with higher power, with nature, with whatever term or belief or philosophy you have around the world being larger than you, when we become co connected with that higher power or life force or that, that greater experience of life beyond the realm of our own self, the experience becomes one of allowing the experience becomes that of more of a flow state. The experience becomes one of wonder and awe when we’re showing up in through me consciousness. The fundamental beliefs are that things are perfect, whole and complete. There are no problems. And again, we get to begin responding to the fundamental question of what wants to happen through me. It stops being about what I want, and it starts becoming about what love or God or higher power or life force wants to do or wants to create through me, we’re no longer managing the movement of energy in the world we’re no longer trying to control or architect or have our creative solutions be one of our own design or of our own creation. Oh, wow, I’m just looking out my window and an eagle just landed on the tree outside of my window. Wow, that is one big bird. Wow, how beautiful. Gosh, what a beautiful example of of just what I’m talking about, right? Like when we’re in through me consciousness, life becomes an improvisational dance, and we simply become a we simply become Part of it. Some of the core benefits of being and through me consciousness are that of non attachment, of limitless possibility and of there being enough and an experience of sufficiency. I as an entrepreneur, some of my greatest moments of flow and creation and contribution have come when I have let go of my attachment to how things are going or to attachment to my own results of what I’ve created versus what I said I wanted to create, what I declared I was going to create, and allow what’s meant to be to be for me, that is the experience of showing up in through me, consciousness, and they have been some of my most blissful moments in entrepreneurship to date. I. Now the final state of consciousness is called as me consciousness. Now, in my experience, I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced as me consciousness, to be quite honest, the experience of as me consciousness is one in which there is no separate self. It’s not a belief system. You can’t find the self that you think you are. There’s literally no problems and there’s no questions. It is just this experience of oneness and knowingness. The experience is one of peace, spaciousness, and in my mind, wow and the eagle just caught something. Wow. What bliss. Um, as me, consciousness is when life is me. Life is happening as me. There are no more questions. There’s just knowingness. There are fun their fundamental beliefs from as me consciousness are that there are no problems and no one has to solve them, and some of the key benefits here are that you experience oneness, unlimited freedom and peace. Now, in my experience, when I think of ASMI consciousness, I typically think of some of the spiritual figures in my own life, who are completely surrendered, and for me, embody that state of oneness, that that this level of consciousness is really talking about. I hope you found today’s conversation helpful as you’re moving through your life, I invite you to start getting curious. Are you showing up from to me, by me, through me, or as me? Consciousness? If you don’t know what level of consciousness you’re in, again, start to take a look at what questions are you trying to answer, if you’re trying to place blame, if you’re asking whose fault this is? If you’re asking the question, Why me? Really great signs that you’re showing up into me consciousness. Really great signs that there’s something that’s confronting you, that you’re afraid of, that there is some peace, some loving kindness, some self compassion to extend to yourself, so that you can take responsibility for your own experience, so that you can shift to buy me consciousness, or through me or as me. Consciousness when you start to answer the questions, what do I want? What do I want to create? Really great signs you’re showing up in buy me consciousness when you’re starting to ask the higher level questions around, what does love want to create through me? What does God want to create through me? What wants to happen through me? What wants to emerge through me? Really great sign that you’re showing up in through me, consciousness. And if you ever get to this place that there are no more questions and no more answers just knowingness, then probably great sign you’re showing up in Esme consciousness. And if you ever get there, I’d love to hear from you how it is. And if I get there, I’m sure I’ll come back here and share a little bit more about my experience of being there again. Wayne Dyer said it best when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change the ways in which you respond. Change so as you are sitting with the experience of your day, your relationship, your leaders, the world around us, start to look at how you can change the way you look at things, so that the things you look at start to change, so that your collective consciousness, both individual and collective, starts to change and emerge, and we start to become more responsive, more CO connected, more surrendered, more allowing more creative, more connected with intuition and higher power and purpose. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you found today’s episode useful. If you did, I would love to hear from you. This is one of my most this is one of my favorite topics to talk about. It’s one of the distinctions that has had the most profound impact on my own life and in the lives of my clients. Thanks so much for tuning in, and we’ll see you next time bye.