How to Create an Outside the Box Business with Julie Bjelland

Catherine A. Wood 04:16
Julie, welcome to the podcast. I’m so excited to have you here today.

Julie Bjelland 04:21
Thank you. I’m happy to be here.

Catherine A. Wood 04:24
I think I’ve known a lot about you for many years, so this feels like such a wonderful excuse to connect and get to know you on a deeper level. And for my listeners, I often have the good fortune of chatting with someone before we record, and this is our very first conversation, so I’m excited for I’m excited to just dive in. So by way of getting us started, I’d love to invite you to share your pronouns and a little bit about your story, because I think we all learn through storytelling, and I know that your story has evolved a lot in recent months. Something that we’ve been chatting about over email, so maybe we’ll hear a little bit

Julie Bjelland 05:04
about that. Yeah, sure. Thank you for having me and great to get to meet you. Yes. So my pronouns are, she her, and my story is, I am a psychotherapist, and I’ve been specializing for years in high sensitivity, and now we’ve been learning about so many highly sensitive women who are discovering they are autistic, as well as we’ve learned that the guidelines have been wrong. So that’s been a big focus of mine. It’s something that I discovered about myself really filled in the blanks for Wow, so many things, and now I’m just thrilled to be working with a lot of women that are also discovering this about themselves. I raised two children. They’re in their 20s, so yeah, I’ve been kind of on a self discovery journey over the past year, and it’s been intentional, really learning a lot about myself after emptiness, after menopause, went through some challenging times during menopause, and kind of coming back out now, and finding this new part of myself. So it’s been really a beautiful process, and both personally and professionally, actually, there’s a lot to share, I guess. Just recently launched a children’s book for highly sensitive and neurodivergent children. Just launched a guide for understanding women and autistic women, for individuals and practitioners, so that we can get more people that understand this. And my goal is always, how do we reduce our challenges so that we can thrive to and really flourish in our fullest potential? So that’s a big part of my mission.

Catherine A. Wood 07:00
I know I mentioned this to you over our email exchange that one of my favorite authors, Catherine a discovered that she had autism in middle life as well, and I’ve had several conversations with people in my own professional network who have very similar stories. And so it seems like it’s truly a theme that’s emerging, and I’m curious, what was your journey like? Like, how did you how did you develop you were autistic, and what have been some of the personal and professional blessings and learnings that you’ve taken with you?

Julie Bjelland 07:35
Good question. Well, I had suspected it for a long time, and like many, did a lot of research on it and realized, because there was always that piece, that a lot of us would say that it’s like, well, I have a lot of autistic traits, but I’m very empathetic. So I can’t be autistic because we were taught inaccurately that autistic people are not empathetic, but that’s actually really wrong. So many of us are huge, you know, very deep feelers, very empathetic. And we also have walked around feeling flawed a lot in our lives, because from from childhood, we were told that how we were naturally was wrong somehow and that and that we were supposed to conform and fit into the social norm box. So many women, including myself, learned to mask, to hide, the challenges that we were having, and it for many of us going through something really hard, like for me, with which was menopause and emptiness, happening happening at the same time I started having health issues, and so I kind of plummeted for a while, and that made me decide to, you know, like, wait a minute, I’ve got to spend some time on what is going on. How do I start to heal? And I dove into it more connected with some some people in the field, and the more I learned about it, I was like, wow, this is me, and so I really wanted to do the diagnosis. A lot of women are choosing, you know, some are getting the diagnosis, diagnosis, and some aren’t. It’s a challenging process because there’s not that many practitioners that understand that it looks different in women, and our criteria has been inaccurate. So that that process was so liberating to I mean, it was incredibly emotional, first, because it was like, Wow, if I had known this about myself, I could have supported myself a lot differently in my life and and gone through less challenges than I did now toward you know, now that I’m kind of over the hump of that process, what I’m discovering about myself and other women I’m working with is that it is liberating to learn this about yourself, to take your mask off, to really show up in the world as you. Authentic self. I had already been doing that a lot just through my work, but there was still those little voices in the back of your head saying, you know, am I doing this right? And do people think that I’m weird? Is there something wrong with me? Why do I need so much alone time? Why am I so sensory sensitive, and when it’s really heightened to like that, that that tends to be a cue that for understanding autism and the differences between sensitivity and autism. So I really dove into, what are those differences? Because we need to understand this, and what resulted from it. I was just talking about this the other day, about it turned into a process of unmasking completely and really showing up as my real self in the world and in all ways. And it was a beautiful process to do that. And I felt really liberated that it was, it was almost like all the little flaws I thought were wrong with me was like, Oh, that is why that was hard for me. Or, you know, you start to reframe your whole life, and it now, I want that for other women, and that’s what’s been happening. It’s a really neat process that happens because it’s emotional, but it’s also like you replace the feeling of being flawed with self compassion. And self compassion helps with everything. It makes you more resilient. It it literally helps you in every aspect of your life. So I used to say there was like this dark hole that followed me around in my life, where if something went wrong, it was easy for me to fall into that hole. And I found out that the hole disappeared when I really understood this about myself, like this hole that had been with me my whole life, disappeared. And even if I went through something difficult, I didn’t fall in a hole anymore. And it was like, it’s, it’s almost hard to put into words how incredible that process has been. Wow,

Catherine A. Wood 12:09
that’s really beautiful. I hear just so much self permission to embrace all of you through that journey.

Julie Bjelland 12:15
Yes, yes, and you know, and you you realize, because there’s a lot of layers in that, because these messages were given to us with our child brain, not our adult brain. So there is a process of filtering through some of that to to realize, like, wow, I’m actually not showing up from as myself in these certain areas. And so you kind of go through this process of of realizing, like, the world’s not set up for highly sensitive or autistic people, so we have to use certain accommodations for, you know, for me, I have, like, really extreme sound sensitivity, so I have To Be careful about that sensory overload can activate the amygdala, which creates fight flight. And for a lot of autistic women, they’ve walked around with these what I call hidden challenges that a lot of people don’t see the challenge because it’s not showing up on the outside necessarily, but it is felt on the inside. So to be able to help other women remove that feeling of being flawed. It’s like has become my life’s mission. It’s the most beautiful. And I get messages every day about it, like you’ve helped me love myself for the first time. I mean, how powerful is that? And the ripple effect of that absolutely their families and their children, right?

Catherine A. Wood 13:40
I really appreciate this idea of how getting a diagnosis or identifying with a trait or a quality can provide just so much more a permission to embrace yourself. And you know, I’ve had, I’ve had this experience with several clients over the years who’ve pursued various diagnoses, and in doing so, they’ve really reconnected with parts of themselves that had been disowned or judged or masked. To Use Your Words, and I, I want to acknowledge I know very little about autism, and I’m I’d love to learn more from you, and I imagine this is going to resonate with a lot of my audience. So if you’re willing, I’d love to hear a little bit more about what the journey was to get the diagnosis you said it was empowering and and hard. And I’m also really interested to hear the differences between the high sensory and autistic trait. Because, again, I know, I know nothing. I imagine many, many, do many fall in that category?

Julie Bjelland 14:49
Absolutely, I do have a and just to let your listeners know, I have a free autism quiz that gives a lot of the details about what we’re seeing in. Autistic women. I also have just published this guide, an online guide, and it’s so extensive, so it’ll be difficult to share in just a few sentences, but I mean, it’s very extensive, and one of the things that I find really interesting is that we have different communication styles and for a lot but you know, when I say we I mean neurodivergent versus neurotypical, so the and specifically autistic versus non autistic, and that has been fascinating, because the past about how we’ve been we’ve been teaching neurodivergent children to conform, to change who they are, to fit in, and that has led to incredibly high levels of depression, suicidality, and because, as we can imagine, when you’re told something’s wrong with you and you need to change who you are, then you lose your identity. And so this is life changing information to get out there and and you’re not alone, because most practitioners and people don’t understand what it looks like in women. So one of the one of the things is that, like I was talking about the feeling of being flawed, feeling like there’s something wrong with you, that there is. You’re always having this feeling like you’re not quite fitting in. You’re not fitting into the box. You feel like an alien, like you’re outside of things. It’s hard for you to fit into groups of people that you don’t know. For example, we have really heightened sensory experiences, and it tends to be breadth and width. So it’s like, it’s not just like, oh, that sound kind of bothers me, but it’s like, that sound can actually create sensory overload, which will activate my fight flight, which will create a meltdown. And so a lot of autistic women walk around hiding the fact that they have meltdowns and that looks like different things. It may be that they that they if the fight, it’s like fight flight activation. So you may be a fighter, or you may be a fleeer, or you may be both, and there’s so much shame carried for that, because there’s these women like myself, you know, had tons of tools, worked on myself a lot, but I was still having these meltdowns and having a lot of shame about them, and that’s something that’s really common, and also just needing an enormous amount of alone time. Also another thing that a lot of women feel really guilty about, that they think there’s something wrong with them, but understanding why changes that so and then also socially tend to be like you might just really like to connect deeply with one or two people. You’re not necessarily someone that wants to be in a group of people. In fact, groups can be complicated, so that one or two people where you can connect on a really deep level tends to be our experience. So those are kind of like some of the highlights. But there’s a there’s so much to talk about, but that is something, if women are resonating with that, they might want to take the quiz. Might want to look at the guide to and practitioners too, because we need practitioners that understand this. It’s getting missed. It’s getting misdiagnosed, which is really concerning. I’m working with lots of women who have been misdiagnosed with bipolar, borderline, you know, personality disorders. I mean, really serious diagnosis, you know, happening that is inaccurate. They’re put on the wrong kinds of medication, it’s a it’s a big problem, and we’re losing the light of so many incredible women. We also tend to have supercomputer brains. So we’re we tend to be research, like researchers. We get really interested in specific things, and we’ll learn so much about these things, and be able to take in a lot of information all at once. And we tend to have drastic energy fluctuations. Some days a lot of energy. Some days crash with energy. So it’s those are kind of some of the highlights.

Catherine A. Wood 19:17
Interesting. Yeah, yeah. So fascinating. You know you used so you’ve used this term masking several times and and I think that so often when we’re when we learn whether we’re told directly or indirectly to change or how we’re behaving is wrong. We do. We put on these we put on these masks. And I think a lot of the work that both you and I do is in different ways, is supporting our clients and unmasking and and really embracing all the facets and gifts and and and weird idiosyncrasies of who we are. And how we behave, and it’s so empowering and freeing and liberating, and so I would love to hear you know what in being able to unmask on your journey of getting this diagnosis, like, what have what parts of yourself have you reconnected with? Like, what are some of the the delights or the joy, joyful experiences of that. Yeah,

Julie Bjelland 20:23
it is joyful like and to we tend to have heightened specific interests, but, but another thing that is sometimes stigma is that it’s like you’re somebody that’s had the same interest since childhood, like you’re super into Star Wars or something like that. And you’re, that’s what you do all your life. But actually, what I’m finding is that we tend to jump to different interests, you know, and dive deeply in a particular area and then get interested in another area. It’s just that we’re, we dive in deeper than most people do. And there is such a I want to say too, for for people in business, one of the thing that’s comes out that’s exciting is like when you finally do unmask and you show up with your real self and your quirky self and your unique self, that’s actually what people get attracted to and want to work with, because they start to see themselves in You. And the more in my journey, the more I started to show up and talk about my real challenges, my real experiences. I would always hear from other people would contact me, and I really resonated with that story. And you know, years ago, when I first started out, trying to start to share my real self, I would, I would get so nervous, like I would shake before I was talking about it, because I was so worried about judgment and and that was hard. And I know a lot of especially women in business, struggle with that, to put themselves out there. But what I found is the the more you really do show up as your authentic self, the more people really resonate with that, specifically what who you are. So what we think is our the wrong parts of us are actually the most beautiful parts of us. And I think that’s a wonderful thing too. That’s a wonderful message to give.

Catherine A. Wood 22:13
It is it? Is it’s I find it to be often the most endearing qualities in other people, because they’re the most truly authentic ones,

Julie Bjelland 22:23
absolutely,

Catherine A. Wood 22:25
which is actually a really beautiful segue, because when I first reach out, reached out to you about being on the podcast, I wanted to talk about authenticity, because I had consumed a couple of your podcasts, and you were just so refreshingly authentic On the episodes that I listened to, and I find authenticity to be a really common struggle for sensitive and empathic entrepreneurs and leaders. And I think for many of us, it can. It can occur from some of the very things that we’ve been talking about, that who we are is wrong or bad, or the ways in which we communicate or show up in relationship or talk is different from how we were taught or what was modeled for us, or how we were kind of educated to be. And I think that a lot of the work I do and have done on myself and with clients is really about this very theme, embracing our truly authentic self. It’s certainly why I launched this podcast. Because I wanted to show a different way of thriving in business and offer other empathic and sensitive entrepreneurs that they could thrive being being empathic and sensitive, and how those business models and ways of communicating and ways of relating with other entrepreneurs could look and feel and be different and effective and and I’d love to hear perhaps your thoughts on on being fully authentic with an autistic diagnosis or for high sensitivity, and how do we, how do we continue to embrace more of our own authentic and quirky selves?

Julie Bjelland 24:09
Yeah, that’s so great. What the work you’re doing? Yeah, it’s I find following my intuition more than my to do list is an important piece, following my energy more than my to do list, not putting myself in a box, and because usually those boxes don’t fit. And so I do things very differently. I talk openly about that too, in terms of how I do business, how I run my business, and because I think it’s important that we get these different kinds of messages. It doesn’t have to be everybody doesn’t have to do it the same way that there are ways that work for us. And it’s really inspiring to see how many highly sensitive autistic women are are kind of carving. Out this path that works for them. You know, being able to work from home, have their own businesses, where they can set up their lives in a way that works for them. And I think that’s such a important piece, is that we have to the other thing I want to say that I think has been a big piece of of of making my work easier and taking away any fears that anybody might have is instead of focusing on that external thing where you’re thinking, what are they going to think about me? What are they going to say about me? I now, every time I do something, I instead think about, how can I help the people that are listening? So I know that there’s going to be at least one person, and everything that I say that’s going to help someone. So knowing that and focusing on that removes your fear, because then you’re talking to that one person. So I would give that advice to anybody that’s maybe starting to do video and feeling scared about it or putting themselves out there, in some ways, think about those people that you are trying to help. Think about those people that you have information that can help, and focus on that. And then the fear goes away, and it becomes this internal mission that you know that you have something that’s going to help someone, and that makes everything easier. Yeah?

Catherine A. Wood 26:28
Okay, we could take this conversation lots of directions. Yeah. Well, first of all, let me just name for our listeners who perhaps aren’t seeing this on video, but I am so Julie has this gorgeous background. Is this your Is this a home office? Yes, amazing. So Julie has 12345, plants behind her, and some beautiful rocks and a Himalayan salt lamp. And so just speaking to this idea of creating business out of the box, your background is the epitome of that for me.

Julie Bjelland 27:04
Thank you. I love plants. I love nature, surrounding myself with nature, damn.

Catherine A. Wood 27:09
Yeah, so, so maybe we’ll start there, because I think doing business out of the box, in alignment with your values, your intuition, your energy, is such a juicy topic, one of my favorites, and I also noticed that it’s something I take for granted, because the way I’ve designed my business is very intentional and delightful and joyful, and I love it, and it just works. And I don’t, I don’t, I don’t often remember to actually talk about it and share so openly, because it’s so integrated into my schedule, it doesn’t feel special or something to teach or highlight. It’s just how things flow and grow and go for me, and I get that really getting an insider’s perspective of what it looks like to to create that business out of the box in alignment with you is incredibly helpful. So would you be willing to share your your model, your version of, um, how operating your business outside of the box looks and goes?

Julie Bjelland 28:19
Yeah, I was actually about to write an article about, for example, since I just launched two big things, the children’s book in the autism guide, both things that I had worked on for a long time. A lot of businesses would have been like, we have to plan that launch. We have to, you know, do the launch at separate times. We’ve got to do it this way and this way and this way. But I have done things completely different than that. I if I have something that I think is ready to launch, I launch it. I mean, they, they were launched within two days of each other, which, you know, most people wouldn’t do. But I don’t do things in soon as I try to put myself in a some kind of a box or or try to do things in, like a restricted kind of a way it I stopped being happy like, with what I’m doing. I don’t like too much structure around it, like I tend to work from the place of this is what’s lighting me up right now, and that is that shows up in my work because I’m lit up. And I also don’t schedule too many things that are like scheduled times. Like, if I do too many things that are scheduled in the week, I start feeling overwhelmed. I need a lot of flexibility, fluidity in my work so I limit what’s, what is, what is structured. I really focus on the things that I love doing. I hire for the things that I don’t love doing, because that allows me to have more time in my creative flow. And I’m always thinking about that. I think about, well, what do I want to do, what feels right to me, rather than what am I supposed to do, or how are things supposed to be i. In the business world, because I think a lot of us don’t, didn’t receive that information, and that information is not out there to do things in the way that you intuitively and feel so intuition and following your light, that’s what I would say. What lights you up is what you is the path that you are meant to be on, whatever that looks like not and not having anybody tell you that’s not going to work or anything like that. But when your light is lit up, people will be drawn to that, and that’s what actually works in business for for most sensitive people.

Catherine A. Wood 30:37
I mean, I imagine following your light is also a good way to manage your energy, and at least I know for me, like sometimes when I’m following my light, I can become a little deregulate, dysregulated, or disconnected from my energy, because I’m so fired up by what’s lighting me up. So how do you do both? How do you follow your light while also honoring your capacity?

Julie Bjelland 31:00
Well, you actually named something important is that, yeah, sometimes when we’re doing what we love, we get really lit up and excited, and we want to maybe stay up all night doing something. Or for me, I have to regulate my sleep a lot so in order to be well, and so I have learned how to get to know my physical I call it the whispers, the whispers that your body gives you about what you need in the moment. And most of us are taught to ignore those whispers until their screams. And then a lot of women, especially in business, end up burnt out doing because they’re just pushing, pushing, pushing all the time, and they people pleasing, and they’re not good at setting boundaries. They’re they’re, you know, because by nature, we tend to be people that are very giving. We want to give to others, help others. So it’s a process of also learning how to take care of yourself and how to be your highest level of wellness. So for me, I now have learned I cannot skip that intensive self care that I do on a daily basis, like my mornings, I get up really early and I I’m outside really early before the noise of the world starts, and I spend time with the water birds and The fish. I live on a lagoon, and it and that was intentional too, which I actually moved recently to be on the water. And I have like times where I spend during the day doing mindfulness, things where I’m bringing myself back into my body. How is my body doing? How am I feeling? So it’s really about learning how to read that at a earlier time, because I also used to get burnt out. I used to do that grind of pushing, pushing, pushing, or maybe I was just so excited about something I didn’t stop. You know, working all day long, and you forget to eat and you forget to take care of yourself because you’re so excited about a project that is something I’ve had to learn how to rein in, and sleep and self care has to be at the top, not the bottom, and that is how I have longevity in business and in what I’m doing, so that I’m not constantly doing the cycle of burnout

Catherine A. Wood 33:18
totally I mean, the word that was coming to mind for me as you were speaking is self maintenance like it sounds like you’ve really learned the rituals and practices that allow you to maintain yourself, just like we do every other machine in our life, every other thing that moves and operates

Julie Bjelland 33:36
exactly it’s just like a super computer. It’s like when you have a computer, you have too many tabs open, it starts to slow down, doesn’t function so well. You need to restart it, you know, we’re like that too. Our nervous systems are like that. So it has to be a, you know, it’s a different and I now I am an empty nester. So it’s easier to do those things when you don’t have children at home. For people that have children at home, that’s obviously something that’s going to take a lot of energy, so learning how to not skip your own needs. That is, that is the biggest part of it to be yourself in the world, to be there for your how you want to show up in the world is it’s we have to do that.

Catherine A. Wood 34:24
As you were sharing the my version of this, it often revolves around overwhelm, because I used to get overwhelmed all the time, and was really disempowered by it. And the thing that I realized over time is that I often create and produce in fits and bursts, in seasons, you know, just like seasons of the year, but I don’t, I don’t do just one big thing at a time. And you actually spoke to this also, I often do multiple a couple years ago, I got married, and I. At the same time I got married, I was in the process of selling my first home with my husband, and I was also launching an entire rebrand, an entire new website to the tune of multiple 10s of 1000s of dollars. And all three of those things happened at the same time.

Julie Bjelland 35:17
That sounds overwhelming, and it was overwhelming.

Catherine A. Wood 35:21
And then I realized that I actually have a pattern of creating in that way, and that I love creating in that way. I love be being lit up by multiple projects at the same time, and then I have this season of hibernation and slowing down and maintenance, and that’s actually a season I’m in right now as I prepare for maternity leave, just this like beautiful season of maintenance and preparing. And it’s so lovely when you when you start to see those own patterns in your creative output, and then they become something that you’re empowered by, versus like, disempowered, burnt out, exhausted by

Julie Bjelland 36:04
Absolutely And you, what you’re talking about is acceptance, too, like understanding and acceptance of how you naturally are. I think that’s an important part of it. You’re not adding the guilt to it or the shame to it, which is the part that is so heavy on us and makes it difficult to recover. It’s the it’s the part of like, okay, now, and nature is like that. Nature doesn’t bloom all year round, and how much we accept that, right? So it’s really a lot about understanding and acceptance of how we are naturally and setting up our lives and our businesses like that,

Catherine A. Wood 36:43
and acceptance is a good word for it, because something I hear in your journey is that there’s been a lot of reinvention with this recent diagnosis and and what lights you up in business sounds like it started to shift. So we’ll certainly link to those resources in the show notes for this episode. But I guess I’d love, I’d love to speak on that, like just this idea of how, when we begin to unmask and follow what lights us up, it can be more there can be more self acceptance and permission to pivot and to reinvent ourselves in in business, but also, I think in relationship. I think relationship is another area where we where we reinvent a lot,

Julie Bjelland 37:30
definitely, and I think an openness to that, and an openness to being true to yourself, whether it’s personally or professionally, staying connected to the idea that it’s, it’s common for us to evolve and that, you know, I’ve always been in that. I I’ve kind of reinvented myself quite a bit over the years. I used to be a Guide Dogs for the Blind trainer. I mean, I What’s that

Catherine A. Wood 38:00
I saw that? I saw that on your website. You have a published book about dogs. I saw that many months ago. I forgot that. Yeah,

Julie Bjelland 38:08
yeah. So I’ve done a lot of different things, and, you know, I did that in my 20s, and, you know, it’s kind of like parenting in my 30s and 40s, and then building this, you know, I went back to school, probably in my late 30s too, to get a degree in my master’s degree in psychology. So it was just like I often evolved and pivoted, and even even where I’ve lived has changed because of different needs that I have. So it’s, it’s like, I think it comes down to being true to ourselves and where we are, and being open to evolving. And, you know, in fact, seeking that where we are evolving, because it, I think that, and it’s beautiful, because my audience is evolving with me, and obviously many of them are following me because they have related to me, and so many of them are also discovering their autistic so it’s been this really beautiful evolving process. All of us are evolving.

Catherine A. Wood 39:16
I really appreciate that. As you were speaking, I was curious the recent decision to move was that connected with the autism diagnosis.

Julie Bjelland 39:25
No, it was okay. I mean, it was a part of my whole process when I felt like I was kind of plummeting. I wasn’t happy where I was living. I wanted to be by the water. I felt like that was going to be really healing for me. Also, I wanted to be closer to my mom for a period of time because of her health issues. So it was, like, as difficult as it was to sell my home and move to a different location, sometimes I don’t even know how I did that in the midst of everything I was going through at the time, but he finds drinks, and I was like. You know what? I’m just going to live my year, my life, one year at a time. That’s what I had decided. So I was like, I don’t know for sure where I want to end up, so I’m just going to rent for a while, and I’m going to rent on the water, because that is what I know I need right now. And I put my feet in the water every morning. I ground myself that way. It was a part of my healing journey. And so I it’s kind of like an intentional process to do. I really love the concept of one year at a time too. I don’t know for sure what my life’s gonna look like in five years, and I’m okay with that, because I know I’m transitioning and shifting and finding myself now at this midlife stage of my life, and it’s and I’m staying open to those processes and thinking a lot about what I what I might want for the future, but also spending time just in gratitude that I get to have this experience by the water that has Been really healing and beautiful and part of my process of finding my light get bright again,

Catherine A. Wood 41:07
I resonate with that so deeply. My husband and I wintered on the water as well. We We rented a short term rental right across the street from the ocean, and I started an entirely brand new pack practice of daily full water swimming, which I did, and all winter until the end of March, when I started traveling. And it was an intuitive decision. I just felt like we were sent. We were meant to be in a temporary house housing situation while we aligned on what was next. And during that time of aligning on what was next, we got pregnant, and my husband got a new job, and we got a lot more clarity around where we wanted to birth a baby and and it was all just following my intuition and I and I want to connect some dots here, because, You know, we were talking earlier about being willing to live and be out of the box in how we live, how we operate, how we run our businesses and and I think this idea of living one year at a time, and being open to change and reinvention and accepting that what’s meant for us now might not be what’s meant for us in a year is so self honoring, and it requires really being willing to know yourself and honor your wants and needs.

Julie Bjelland 42:33
I love the self honoring. I love that that just even hearing that out loud and saying that out loud, it’s such a beautiful thing. And I think, I think it’s common for so many of us as mothers to have had a lot of focus on our children. And you know, even where I was living was focused on where they, you know, we wanted them to go to school. So it was like, it wasn’t where I picked so it was like, Okay, now I’m picking where I want to live, and I didn’t have everything figured out, but I took those steps and allowed myself that space to go. Let’s just plan one year at a time. That’s it, and it took the pressure off to try to figure it all out. Right? Now, that’s the thing, when you when you work from home, you could literally live anywhere, so it’s almost like too many options. But I also want to live near some of my friends and family. So there’s, you know, I was trying to figure out some of that stuff along the way, but I love the self honoring piece, because I think that is something that definitely will brighten our light, and that’s what we’re meant to do. I mean, there’s so much inside of all of us that are meant to be in support of others, and in order to do that, we have to support and have that foundation of self honoring, to honor our own needs, to have compassion for ourselves and our experiences, to really be open to different paths and how those paths affect us, how we feel about them, is the process of paying attention to ourselves.

Catherine A. Wood 44:05
Yeah. I mean, I think that just that the process of paying attention to ourselves, it’s such a mind, body and spirit conversation, right? Because we can so often deceive ourselves, or not trust our body, or not trust our intuition. So, yeah, I guess I’d love to maybe explore that a little more with you. This idea of of really tuning in, where do where? Where did you begin that journey? Like, how does that look like for some of the folks you work with? Oh, it’s

Julie Bjelland 44:47
such an amazing process. Like, what I see happen if we don’t tune into ourselves, if we’re not following our intuition, if we’re not following what lights us up, if we’re not paying. Attention to ourself and our needs is what I call we become an empty shell, and I’ve seen many women come to me as empty shells where they have lost their identity, they are miserable in their lives and it and they just don’t even know what direction to go in because they’re so lost and it it’s a beautiful process to walk them through that journey, you know, of paying more attention to themselves, of getting to know them. And you can literally see them from like, session to session. You can see the light starting to turn on. And that’s one of my favorite parts about this kind of work, is like you get to watch someone come out of that cocoon and turn into a butterfly. I mean, it’s the most beautiful thing, and it becomes this ripple effect too, because they generally go out into the world and they’re doing something great with it. And I think that for a lot of us, that process can come after a time of really intense challenges. I think I heard Oprah talk about that once, that it was like, sometimes when you’re in the most difficult parts of your life, it’s, it’s almost like a signal to pivot, and that pivot is, is needed, yeah, and, and it isn’t, Oh, you don’t have to have everything figured out. But even if you are just beginning the process of paying attention, it’s so important.

Catherine A. Wood 46:28
Oh, I agree so much. I mean, I’m smiling ear to ears. You say that? Because something I say in in my work a lot, is that we have to break down to break through, like the breakdown it always is before the breakthrough. And you know, in the beginning, when I started coaching a decade ago, I used to get really enrolled in my clients breakdowns and problems and get overly invested in I’d feel overly empathetic, and I’d really sympathize with their pain and their hardship. And over the years, as I’ve done my own work and become more and more detached and don’t take their stuff So personally, I found a lot more joy when clients reach that point, because I know what’s to come. I know what’s on the other side. I know what there is to look forward to if we’re willing to not stop there, if we’re willing to keep leaning in with curiosity and self compassion and maybe a little awe. Yeah,

Julie Bjelland 47:30
you’re so right. Because when you’ve been through this process yourself too, it’s like, you kind of know what it’s like over there, but how much better it gets and to be able to kind of be somebody’s guide through that, it’s so incredible. Because you’re like, I know what this feels like. I know what they’re going through, and but there is a spark in them. There’s a spark that made them reach out in the first place, you know, to work with us. And that spark excites me, because I’m like, okay, they’re on that journey they’re going to get there, and that is exciting, and that’s the part that I want to get them to. So that’s the part we start to focus on, yeah, yeah, it’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? I often think, like all the challenges and incredibly hard times of my life all seem worth it now to me, because it’s like, I bring that experience and knowing into this process, and it’s like, oh, that’s maybe why I had to go through all that, because now I can be someone’s guide to get them across, across that bridge I call it, to get to the other side, where it’s really beautiful over there.

Catherine A. Wood 48:39
Totally, yeah. And the visual I had is that sometimes we just need that person to hold the light when we can’t see

Julie Bjelland 48:46
absolutely yes, walk with

Catherine A. Wood 48:49
us. Well, this has been just as beautiful and delightful of a conversation as I expected. As we wrap today, I always invite my guests to share what supported you in becoming a prosperous empath.

Julie Bjelland 49:05
I would say the most important part was building a self compassion practice. And there’s like it’s a brain training technique. I’m very into brain training stuff, and you can grow self compassion. And self compassion literally helps with every single part of your life. It is the most important thing. I started out with zero self compassion when I first started my practice, there’s like a three step process where you’re activating parts of your brain that are actually calming centers. When you do that, that deactivate the stress centers, because they can’t be activated at the same time, which, when I found, when I found that out, it was like, the most amazing thing. I was like, what you could deactivate stress centers? Okay, Sign me up. So I would say self compassion. Practice. What’s the what’s the third? Part of the process. So the first step is, is that you are naming your emotions, because that activates the cognitive brain, and just by being able to come up with the words, so you’re about 50% starting to feel supported. And then the second step is to normalize and validate. It makes sense that I’m feeling these emotions to normalize. Might be, you know, other sensitive people most likely feel the same way. And then the third step is a check in. So you’re really checking in with what do I need right now to support myself right now? And if you keep on practicing that on a daily basis, you actually start to feel it like it starts to work, and it becomes something essential, whether it’s personal or business, something goes wrong in your life and you don’t have a self compassion practice. It’s a bit for me, it was a bit like having a foundation of toothpicks, where I felt like it would break, my foundation would break and I would fall apart. But with self compassion practice, I have a strong, solid foundation where I no longer fall apart. I can support myself through everything that is challenging or heightened emotionally and is absolutely the thing I recommend the most is to work on that I could link you to. I have a free video where I teach that too. I could link that for you also.

Catherine A. Wood 51:26
Yeah, by all means, we’ll include it in the show notes for the episode. Julie, thank you so much for today. It’s been an absolute delight.

Julie Bjelland 51:33
Thank you so much. It was wonderful talking with you.