Feb 07, 2023 | Podcast, Your Business
Healing for the Natural Sensitive with Jessi Michel Agadoni
About the episode:
Welcome back to another week of The Prosperous Empath Podcast. Today’s episode is yet another guest who I feel completely honored to have a conversation with to share with you – Jessi Michel Agadoni. Jessi has donned the term “Natural Sensitive” to describe not only how she has felt throughout her own life, but how her clients feel as well. You’ll hear how this differs from the more common term, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). We talk a lot about physical and emotional healing that is sustainable for people like me and you. Jessi is also sharing why the language we use is important and the things that support her most. This conversation was deeply resonant for me, and I hope it is for you, too.
- Jessi’s somewhat negative experience as a highly sensitive in childhood, how this shaped her as an adult and manifested itself physically and her work to overcome it and how this grew into her business today
- Why sensitives are more at risk to creating negative patterns in their lives that negatively impact their health
- The importance of language when talking about our inner work and healing as a whole and removing labels that have been given to us
- How to maintain a calm balance within while also embracing your inner circle and maintaining a sense of community
- Jessi’s process in realizing that she needed to withdraw and set more boundaries, how she honored herself and others
- Why we have to release perfectionism to be reminded of our self worth
- Jessi’s true definition of being a sensitive and how it differs from being a highly sensitive person and how you can work with her
- What has supported Jessi the most in becoming a prosperous empath
About Jessi Michel Agadoni:
Jessi Michel Agadoni is a Sensitive Health Guide. Her purpose is to help Sensitives cultivate success without succumbing to constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, auto-immunity, or any other body imbalance that could prevent them from having the impact they are called to have on this world! Her practice, Mêrfleur Wellness, and unique Authentic Calm Method teach Sensitives how to rebuild their calm and resiliency to create sustainable health. She deeply believes that if all Sensitives live in alignment with their sensitivity the world will be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.
Connect with Jessi:
Click here for a raw, unedited transcript of this episode
Catherine A. Wood 08:29
Jessie, welcome to the episode. I’m so happy to have you here today. We just recorded an episode for your podcast yesterday, and I literally haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since I’ve been really looking forward to our conversation.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 08:56
Thank you, Ken. I’m so honored to be on here and I love that we are doing our podcast back to back was like unintentional. It’s so perfect.
Catherine A. Wood 09:05
It totally is. It’s um, it’s almost it almost feels like a very Empath thing to do like to be generous in allowing the conversation to be on focused on one person. And then the next gets to be focused on the other. It’s like a, it just feels like such a, I don’t know, such a loving, generous exchange.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 09:28
That’s true. I do like that. Yeah, I think as an impasse, we are so conscientious of of thinking about the other person and wanting the other person to succeed and feel good. And so it’s really natural for us to kind of highlight each other and just listen, we’re good listeners, too, right?
Catherine A. Wood 09:48
Absolutely. Well, I I would love to hear about your story and your journey. I think our paths started in very different ways. fashion’s and they’ve landed in similar places working with empaths and sensitive so, I’d love to hear kind of your beginnings.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 10:09
Yeah, I always like, Okay, how far back do you want to go? Like the womb? I’m, I’m, I’m so deep. So I always am like, Okay, what what is too far? But no, for me, that’s really where my story begins is I was an unexpected child and came into a beautiful family. But there was a lot of stress, there was a lot of intensity, there’s a lot of uncertainty and fear. I was first born in my family, and I came out very sensitive. And my parents didn’t know what to do with me, they loved me, but they didn’t know what to do with me. And so right off the bat, I started getting messages that I was too much. And I learned early on to shut down and to, I didn’t know what I was doing. But even as an infant kind of repress my experience. And, you know, that manifested later on as I grew in my teen years, and 20s and 30s, into just physical manifestations of disease. And so, for me, my healing journey has been very physical. And I should say it’s been initiated by physical symptoms. So I was always a really everyone would tell you, I was really happy child, I was a really nice person, I was the nice girl, you know, always nice, always polite, always thoughtful, always good, a plus student, the golden child, all those things. And the reason was, is because I longed so badly to be accepted, to be loved. And whether my parents intended to or not, I received the way they, you know, ran our household and responded to me, I received it as conditional love. And so for me, I felt I had to perform in order to receive their approval and their acceptance. And I’ve come to realize that wasn’t their intent, you know. And as children, we see things in black and white, but that really was hard. And it really shaped me to become this overachieving overworking eventually exhausted person. But it wasn’t really until my mid 20s, kind of mid to late 20s, I started to really identify my sensitivity as something that was unique. I just thought I was normal. I thought everyone was the same. And I didn’t understand why all my peers could just keep going and going and going and going. I was like, aren’t you guys tired? Like, you’re always hanging out with each other, you’re always like, wanting to go to the next thing. You know, I did everything I did sports, I did. Theater, I did dance, I did I mean, you name it, I did it. I was a leader at school, all these things I was so involved. So and but there were people that were at the same level of investment in you know, different, I don’t know, sports or activities, I guess would be the word. And they were fine. They were more resilient is a good word. And I just kept getting exhausted and would have these what my parents called meltdowns. Because really what it was, is I was stuffing, stuffing, stuffing, and then I wouldn’t be able to hold it, and then it would explode. And I would just start crying like uncontrollably. I would just stay in my bed just and just stop. Because I just couldn’t. And I didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t even tell my parents what was wrong. It’s like, nothing’s wrong, I’m just. And they were just like, beside themselves not knowing what to do, or things. And so it was, it was really challenging, because I just it just created this shame, and this embarrassment and this confusion about who I was. And I lost trust in my body. And so I started you know, looking to others to tell me what to do. I really, I would never trust what my body was telling me the messages my body was giving me I just ignored or assumed it was wrong, because that’s kind of what I had heard my whole life. And so whatever anyone else was saying or doing that seems like they are an authority or an expert. I’ve said okay, they must be on track. And it was usually the opposite of what my body was telling me. So then I was like, okay, that I’m really wrong. And that just built up this huge disconnection. And that’s really what’s led me to the work I do. I started realizing I needed to heal my body because I was having all sorts of physical symptoms, like menstrual issues, like I wasn’t developing properly. I didn’t know it but I had hypothyroid I believe I had full on SIBO again, didn’t know it. All sorts of digestive issues that came alongside that I had PCOS, which is a really common diagnosis now, but back then it wasn’t. So I in college was the weirdo that was trying to eat gluten free before it was even a thing before anyone knew what that was. I was like, even in California, still people were like gluten free. What is that, you know. And so I really dove into the holistic health worlds, like mid 20s, but I should say, early 20s, kind of by myself, and with no resources, I had beautiful practitioners that wove in and out of my life that were so helpful, but no one really could solve anything. And so I finally realized it’s up to me, like, I have to educate myself, I’m in use, I love to learn, I love to learn, like if someone would pay me to just learn new things every day, which technically, that’s kind of my job now. But I just, I’m obsessed. So I was like, you know, I’m just gonna direct all this energy I have towards learning how to heal my body. And so I did it kind of DIY for a long time. And then I eventually just answered the call and went back to school and got trained as a functional nutritional therapist. And after that just did a whole bunch of other trainings because I’m just a nerd. And I love learning. So I got my board certification and all that good stuff, had mentorships and started working with clients pretty pretty quickly, because I’d already had people asking me to help them even before I went to school, because I just had gained so much. And within like, six months, I realized, oh, my gosh, all of my clients are sensitives. And like the year or two prior, I had become acquainted with Dr. Aaron’s work, Dr. Elaine Aaron of the highly sensitive person. I, you know, also around that time, became aware of the term Empath, and also realized I was an introvert. So it’s like, bam, bam, bam, all the bam, bam, and just like, oh, my gosh, I’m different, okay, and everything started shifting and started to make sense. And but it wasn’t until I started working with clients, and realizing that I was attracting, and paths introverts and sensitives. That we are, it’s not just me, but we’re all just kind of wired a little bit differently. And we have to go through our healing process differently. So all the training I had received, I realized needed to be shifted, not thrown out, but shifted to match what a sensitive body needed, what an empathic person needed. And so I really started changing my practice. And then I eventually just owned it and like claimed that that’s why I worked with because it was. So that’s been kind of the journey of how I got into the profession I’m in which is, you know, I’m a restorative practitioner, and I help sensitives heal, basically rebuild the calm in their body, which we can talk about. And that then creates resilience for sustainable long term health, which is the goal because what I’ve come to realize through all this is that I have a deep, deep passion to see my fellow sensitives and empaths give their gifts to the world. And they cannot do that if they are hindered by physical symptoms. And many, many of us are experiencing physical imbalances. Because we’re so overwhelmed, we’re so over stimulated. A lot of us have unhealthy patterns, consciously or unconsciously of over connecting what I call merging with other people. And that manifests in the body and gets expressed through symptoms. So it’s just my absolute joy and honored to come alongside my fellow sensitives to help them heal themselves. Truly, I’m just a partner, I’m just a guide, they do it. And then from there to just have this freedom and this energy and this capacity to actually give their gifts to the world, which is the whole point of us being here. Like we are all sensitive, we’re all empathic for a reason this wasn’t an accident, you know, this isn’t something that went wrong. But this is how you were made, how you were created, how you’re meant to live out your life in this world. And you can’t do that if you’re running away from who you are. So that’s basically my story. There’s so much more of course, but that’s kind of how I landed here. And in the last like six months, I’ve felt an extra calling to just start talking about this more and to really share my knowledge, my my physical body knowledge with the sensitive empathic worlds because there’s so much talk about mindset. There’s so much talk about breathwork and somatic healing and all these beautiful practices I absolutely adore. But I saw that there wasn’t much talk about like physical function. This is needed because most nutritionists and functional, even naturopath and functional doctors, they’re just a bit aggressive and harsh and for sensitive. And so I felt like my voice needed to be heard or really what I’m doing needed to have a voice. And so that’s also why I’m like, Alright, bring all the podcasts. Let’s talk about this.
Catherine A. Wood 20:16
And gosh, I so appreciate that reminder, you know, because yesterday when I didn’t share this with you, but yesterday when you were interviewing me, like, one of the questions near the end of your podcast was like, What have you done on a somatic level to heal and to support your body? And that was the question I felt most uncomfortable answering, because it is the most unconscious thing that I do. Like, it’s not it, I’m certainly active, and I’m active, but to use your words, like, some of it is more aggressive, like going out and running marathons and climbing mountains and pushing my body versus like that sensitive, tender approach. So I am thrilled to have you on the show today to talk about that. And I am so grateful for you sharing your whole story because from, you know, from the start of it, like we could have replaced my name with yours, and that would have been my exact experience as well. And I know it is for many empaths and sensitive listeners, and I am deeply present to how you are able to talk about it in such a distinguished way, in such a healed and whole way. So that you are not continuing to live out those childlike experiences and moments in the present. Right? Like it absolutely shows that you’ve done your healing work so that you get to create a different experience and story for yourself in the present.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 21:59
And we all can do that. And it’s so exciting. And it’s it’s weird. I I’ve heard a lot of people talk about this. It’s a whole thing. But I feel both healed and still on the journey, you know, and but I think it is time for me to start claiming that there has been a lot of heal, like I have healed. And there’s no I used to feel like I wouldn’t like that would be to false to say that I have healed because there’s still so much. And it’s it is in many ways, still, you know, a process. But there’s even Honestly, I was thinking before this podcast, I was remembering the days when I first started mine and I was so nervous about being seen. And so I would pick apart every single thing because I am a California girl, I say, I say like I know, I don’t have what I would enjoy the language I would enjoy to have. And even after years of podcasting, I still do it. Because it’s natural. And I also try to be relaxed when I speak. And so that’s what happens. But I was thinking about, you know, it’s so beautiful that now I can just let it ride. Like there’s moments where I’m like, but I don’t get into that perfectionist mindset that holds me back. And that’s been one big part of being a sensitive, empathic individuals that we can be so self critical, right? And prevent ourselves from taking those big steps to prevent ourselves from allowing ourselves to heal, because a lot of times in order to heal, we have to walk through it, we have to do it, take the action, take the risk. It doesn’t have to be aggressive. But it is going to be scary. Everything good has a little element of scary to it because it’s usually new, or we have some story behind it. Right. So like I described my like golden child, a plus student, you know, I was perfectionist, and I would say I still it comes forward when I’m really tired. When I have low capacity and I burned myself out I noticed my perfectionism starts to rise. But on the whole, that percentage has dropped massively to the point where I feel like I can say, I’ve had massive healing in this area. Yeah, so it’s it’s beautiful. And I think we all should honoring and claim areas that we have healed, you know, knowing that there’s still more to be had.
Catherine A. Wood 24:39
Absolutely, I mean, I think like it’s truly a reflection of those who have done their work to claim and acknowledge all the bodies of work that they don’t know right like who wasn’t that said the more we know, the more we realize what we don’t
Jessi Michel Agadoni 24:55
That’s exactly it. That’s exactly it. Yeah.
Catherine A. Wood 24:59
Well You know, one thing I appreciate in your shares, like your intentional use of language, both around welcoming the arms and the eyes, but also just how on purpose you are with the language that you use and the words that you share. And there’s, there’s two that I want us to talk about, I want us to talk about your definition, your languaging, around sensitive us sensitives, because you kind of have a different perspective. And before we get there actually want to talk about one that I read was your use of the spelling disease. So rather than spelling it as one word disease, you said, you were spell it as di s dash ease, which is also something that that I do, and I would love for you to share why?
Jessi Michel Agadoni 25:54
Fine? Yeah, I haven’t ever had anyone asked me about that. I would love to talk about that. So where do I begin with that? Well, I think just the concept of disease. And obviously, I’m, you know, American. So that’s my culture, my experience for anyone that’s out of out of country to know. Disease is something that I think we’ve created boxes for. And I walked through traditional allopathic Western medicine a lot as a child, and I never fit any of the boxes. And so I really became acquainted with the labeling and the you fit in this fit in that type of approach. And I understand why it’s used, and I get it, you know, it’s to serve the masses. It’s for efficiency, it’s for education, so many things, but it creates a lot of problems. And so I think, even just that word has so much potency and power for those that have not felt accepted, or understood or seen. And so I I actually, I can’t take credit for this. I’ve, you know, seen other people do this. But once I saw, I remember, I don’t remember when I first saw it, but someone did that with the word disease. And I was like, Oh, that’s so powerful. Because I do think we need to use words that culturally we understand. But to disrupt it, of it. I love disrupting, to separate the DIS and the ease, and to really help us understand, okay, what is that word actually capturing? It’s capturing imbalance in the body. So where I’m going with this, and I talked about this with my one on one clients all the time is, whatever label you’ve received, it really matter. It simply means that your body is out of balance. And we need to uncover what it is that’s out of balance, and whatever label you currently have, will dissipate. It won’t even matter. And so I think there’s a lot of us that, especially when you’re in that Western allopathic medicine world, you’re striving for that label, like, please give me a label so that I’ll be acknowledged. But if we remove the power of that label of not even needing it, but just recognizing is your body out of balance? Yes. Okay, let’s work on that. Let’s, you know, let’s strive towards balance. And really, that’s what dis ease is, it’s a lack of balance, it’s a lack of ease. And I am such, I’m so passionate about creating ease in the body, like that is health. So disease is simply the lack of ease, or the lack of calm in the body is another word to use, I use that a lot more. So what is health health is calm and ease in the body. So that is what we’re striving for. And that gets us into autonomic nervous system conversation, which I’m sure you’re familiar with. But for those that are not, we have this kind of innate ability to respond to our environment, either in you’ve heard this term, I’m sure fight or flight, which is known as your sympathetic nervous system, or with a state of calm. And this is where we rest. This is where we digest this is where we restore and regenerate. This is where we detox, all those things. And I call that your calm mode. So I kind of simplify and call it the calm mode and the alarm mode. And we’re always moving towards the common mode. That’s where we want to live. So we want to live in a place of ease, you want to live in a place of calm, not dis ease, not alarm. Does that make sense? 100% Yeah, so that’s really like what I’m so passionate about, and especially as sensitive impasse, we so easily find ourselves flipping our autonomic nervous system into that alarm, dis ease state, whether it’s overwhelm you know, by all of the energies and the people in a room. You Know the emotions that they’re giving off their experiences, it can even just be from watching a movie. Let’s be honest, you know, like I was just my husband and I are going through Lord the rings, we started with the Hobbit, and we’re moving through them. And I’m like, I forgot how amazing these movies are. They’re so epic. But I also like have to be so careful. Because even, you know, make believe movies like that i It’s so it’s real to me. And that’s true for everyone, technically, but especially for us sensitives as empaths we literally are living that out our nervous system thinks we’re like in that battle, you know, with the orcs or whatever. Or we’re, you know, walking through the marshes with Frodo and Sam, like we are in that story. And so even by a simple movie, we can switch over into that alarm mode. And if we’re not conscious, and not that there’s anything wrong with that, per se, but if we are constantly in that state and never going back to the calm, that’s where we start to see disease come forward, right? Gosh, that is so
Catherine A. Wood 31:06
beautifully said I love that reminder about or your definition of disease. And it’s when we’re out of balance or out of calm. I, I share this a lot on on my newsletter. But in my first couple years of business, I was a raging workaholic, I was so moved by my business and the growth and what I was building and I was talking about that I had no sense of balance between what was enough and how to manage. I mean, at the time, I was working a nine to five in the government. I was building my business, I was starting a new relationship with the man I came to marry. And I was also getting my certificate and financial planning, right, like all things. And I my first year in business, I got eight sinus infections that winter. Yeah, eight series of antibiotics. Oh, gosh, you’re poor get Yeah. And the same happened the second year in business, and the third year in business. And I think it was like truly that third year in business. It was 2016. I was like, Who am I being that is causing me to get sick. This consistently. And I know we share a passion for the book, The Body Keeps the Score. But I didn’t. I didn’t read that one until much later, the book that made a difference for me at that point in my life was, gosh, you can heal your body by Louise Hay. Yes. And that reminder of how I was creating that angst and unwellness in my body. And it made all the difference. I mean, I haven’t, I haven’t been sick in years, I haven’t had a sinus infection in more than five years. And like, I truly think that you’re you’re onto something here with this. This being out of balance and calm. It’s so beautiful. And I want to we’re going to come back to your definition of the word sensitive, but you mentioned something that I think is really powerful. And it’s the idea that we can create disease on a physical level in our physical well being. And we can also create disease from or as a consequence of the people that we’re in relationship with the level of care and generosity and the ways in which we extend ourselves to other people and also the what we allow in, you know how much energy we allow ourselves to take on. And I find that that’s particularly necessary for Empath, entrepreneurs and sensitives to think about through the lens of their community, and their inner circle and the people that they allow to be part of their inner circle and I I run a woman’s mastermind so this is something I see consistently like how can we stay in our own lane not compare our journey to the journey of other people to celebrate one another to welcome one another and also to be generous, but boundary. So I would love for you to share about how do you maintain that calm and balance while also embracing your inner circle and maintaining a sense of community?
Jessi Michel Agadoni 34:23
That’s a big one. That’s one that has been very freshly imprinted upon me in a really, really deep manner over the last few years. So
Catherine A. Wood 34:35
me too, for what?
Jessi Michel Agadoni 34:38
Yes, for a lot of us like through COVID and everything we a lot of us became aware of our capacity or lack of capacity. But I think as far as like inner circle, and knowing how to remain calm so I personally believe that I sensitives we are 100% impact by our environment, and our environment includes people and includes time, it includes silly things like smells, and all of that in our, in our situation, our current environment, it can be your home, it can be your office can be your car, whatever. And so slowly building out an environment that supports who you are. So first of all, you have to know who you are. That’s the big journey. And then from there, building out an environment that supports that. And within that, our relationships and relationships are so beautiful. But as empaths, we tend to have over emphasized the power of relationships in our lives. And I think we have tended to be, as you said, over generous with our giftings, of being able to carry and support and understand and love and listen. And so a lot of the work, especially if we’re called to entrepreneur work, especially if we’re called to being a leader of some sort, is to understand that we may not have what everyone wants from us, especially if we have a long history of giving, giving, giving, giving being kind of the carrier of a relationship. And that can manifest in so many ways, like we tend to attract people that have a lot of needs, because we usually are quiet kinds are usually a safe landing place. And most people, especially those that have been rejected, tend to find their way to us, right, which makes it even harder to have boundaries. But we have to learn that ultimately, we are not responsible for everyone else. And that we’re actually our first responsibility. This is what I believe is our body. Our first responsibilities is 3d body we’ve been given Why should say for our first responsibilities, our soul, but that’s kind of like natural. But the second is this body. And then out of there are the people that we choose to bring into our inner circle. And for me, the inner circle can be as small as your partner can be as small as your child can be. Technically even a pet, you know, like, it can be that small, if your capacity is quite diminished. If your capacity has grown, because you have really poured into yourself, your body is healthy and vibrant, then your inner circle expands. And you can have more time and availability for people in your life. But it is challenging to remain calm, to remain healthy to remain vibrant, without holding true to really strong boundaries. And I thought I knew what boundaries were like a decade ago. And then I went through a really hellish two years and realize that sometimes my boundaries are literally going to be my husband and I like that’s all I can do. Like that’s it. Everyone else like it’s, I had to drop. And that was so challenging. We can talk about if you want but having to learn how to communicate well, and I learned through trial and error, I did not do it perfectly. But now I know it’s so important to communicate well, like hey, I love you, I respect you. But this is all I have capacity for right now. And my first responsibilities to myself and my husband. And then and we don’t have kids at this point, you know, and then you know if that’s good, I would love to connect with you. But that’s the reality of my life right now. And being okay, that if people aren’t willing to go, I get it. Totally just reach out when you have capacity, you know, sending you love. If they’re not willing to do that. That’s a filter that lets you know that it’s time to gently let them go, or to just not pursue. And I’ve had to do that a lot in the last few years, which has been honestly really hard. There’s been a lot of grief, a lot of self reckoning a lot of realizing how much value I place in what other people think of me and how I make other people feel right. I love people so they love me back accept people so they sent me back I listened so that they will feel they’ll make me feel needed. And having to release those relationships left me very bare and honest and raw. And like okay, this is who I am without all that affirmation and all that those fake the fake goodness. But it was also really really pure, because it showed me what it really meant to hold a boundary what it really meant to let people go. There’s so much of that conversation on like Instagram and places like that I’m like, but doing it is a whole nother thing. It’s all On another level, you have to really gain a lot of self confidence, a lot of courage and be okay with making mistakes and messing it up sometimes. And you’re gonna hurt people’s feelings. But it’s not always as long as you did your part and you communicated, that’s not actually your responsibility, which is really wrestle with,
Catherine A. Wood 40:24
you know, I that’s this is such a hard, emotional and relevant topic like a couple years ago I ended a couple of business relationships which just were no longer in alignment, and I still have such strong feelings about those relationships, and I’ve done my work, I’ve blessed and release them. And I still, you know, I still feel incredibly sad. And I think this is something that the pandemic is really causing people to reckon with just how much capacity do they have, for the relationships that they’re in and their lives, which ones are they committed, to, nurturing, to maintaining, and to letting go. And it’s funny, you’re bringing this up, because I, you know, most days, I get texts from my family, and my husband. And brother, and I have a couple of best friends who I know are always on speed dial when I need them, and they’re pretty crappy at keeping in touch, which is fine, I know this about them, I don’t not take them personally, I know, you know, I may need to talk call them four times rather than one time when I need them. But when I get them, they will provide the support that I need when 1,000% and I no interest that. But like accepting the fact that you know, the people that used to be in my inbox every day because they needed something from me, or they wanted to acknowledge me for something or there’s this very kind of transactional dynamic, where we were both getting needs met from one another that perhaps was out of alignment or balance was some really challenging work that I had to do. And it feels like people are really doing right now in the, in this semi post pandemic world like just coming to grips with their with their circles and who they want in and who they want out. And, and I’m even thinking of some of Elaine Aaron’s work. And for those of our listeners who aren’t familiar with Elaine Aaron, she’s really the the therapist and author who termed the phrase, the highly sensitive person, it’s a beautiful book, highly recommend it. And she talks about this distinction in her book about, you know, sometimes when we’re too out as HSPs, we have to retract and withdraw and kind of like, go back into our room. And sometimes when we’re too, in, in our worlds too introverted to withdrawn, we need to put ourselves more out there. So as you were sharing, I was really thinking about kind of her distinction around being too, too out in the world and some of the work that that requires, but because I do think this is such a relevant topic, if you’re willing to share more about your journey with realizing this, like I would love to hear and I think it would be so helpful.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 43:32
Yeah. Is there something specific that you’re kind of thinking of?
Catherine A. Wood 43:37
It mean, what was what was your process in realizing that you needed to withdraw to shrink your circle? who hadn’t patted you honor yourself and others in that process? Yeah. And where do you find yourself now?
Jessi Michel Agadoni 43:59
Hmm. Okay, so for a little bit of context, to see, you know, kind of what was going on? I, we was this was all during the pandemic. So we basically found out our home had mold and asbestos, and ended up moving. It was a very stressful time, bought a home really fast, too fast. I learned and moved out to the country. And it was a very emotional decision. I’m a very emotional person. And I 100% say it now. It’s very much a reactive decision. I ignored all my warning signs. And it was it was interesting because it was like an old pattern of letting my husband’s needs dominate too much, and he loved the house. wanting to move into the country, which is beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it was not a good fit for me. And we needed to find more of a compromise and we didn’t. So I ended up finding myself in the middle of the country. And Wall country, it was like 30 minutes from the beach. Country like, Oh my gosh. I mean, I grew up like minutes, you know, like, I’m used to being able to walk to the beach, so wan you know, but for me, it felt far. And it was like, there is this big cultural shift in the town that I moved to and was like horse people and vineyards, which there’s a part of me that loved that. But I was very isolated. And, and I was still trying to maintain all these relationships with all these people that were like in the downtown city, which was like 50 minutes away. And just all these things, I had been really striving on connecting, because I was a new business owner, like you’re not new, but I guess I was evolving my business, and trying to connect with a lot of people. So I had my fingers in a lot of pots, I had made a lot of new connections, I had been really social, which I’m an introvert. So that was already a bit of a challenge for me. But when we suddenly moved to this isolate more isolated place, I felt, it just hit me. Like out of nowhere, like for a minute, I was like, am I depressed, like what’s going on, it’s like, so it was just so slow is a different pace, I was out of the energy of the kind of suburbia city areas. And really what happened is I got to face myself, and I got to become very acutely aware of my lack of capacity is the word I would use. And I just felt my body just said, you’re done. And I felt so tired. And then I had a choice to make, because I still had all these friends, all these people. And I had done some work over the years of releasing and letting go a lot of commitments. But I just had made a bunch of new friends, and a new bunch of new business connections. And there’s that transactional desire of like, I give you something you give me and I’ve never really liked that. Personally, I really like if it’s authentic, I’ll give to you. And if it feels authentic to you, then get back to me, but don’t feel that pressure. But I was really striving in my business. And so I was kind of allowing myself to dive into those. And I just kept harder and harder and sicker and sicker. And then I found out the house we moved into was super toxic. Lots of lessons. I really learned lessons a lot. And don’t we all know, yeah. Oh, gosh. But yeah, it’s always from different angles. And so I was I was super sick. And this is actually how I learned about mold and mycotoxin healing for now I do that for all my clients. It’s beautiful. But I was so sick. And I didn’t really understand what was going on. I just was like, I’ve not felt this sick and forever. And I just, I couldn’t do it. And so I just at first I just started dropping like I just wasn’t responding to people. I wasn’t able, like friends outside of work, I was just focusing on work, just maintain work. Anything else, I was just dropping. Anytime my husband wanted to get to their family, I would freak out because they just had no capacity. And so it wasn’t clean at first. And then I got some strong feedback from people just saying like, what’s going on? You’re hurting my feelings. And so it was like I kind of got woken up of like, oh, I need to what am i Oh, I’m doing this, I don’t even realize I’m doing it. So then I started communicating and being very intentional about it. And really understanding where I was at. and actively consciously started closing the doors and communicating to people hey, look, I’m in a really challenging season. Right now I just need to focus on myself and Josh, my husband, and you know, family here and there. And I had friends that were not okay with that. And that was so hard cat like, so hard because I they and it wasn’t it didn’t always feel like it was a place of malice. Like I didn’t feel like they were necessarily always angry. They were just genuinely hurt. But at the same time I had communicated and what they wanted from me I physically couldn’t give and they just no matter. I mean, I had like multiple hour long conversations with these friends. And it just couldn’t click for them. And a lot of it was because they weren’t sensitives they weren’t empathic and so we were just just different enough that they couldn’t put themselves in my shoes. And a lot of them were extroverts. That’s another part of it. Like they couldn’t understand why I didn’t have just like, well just couldn’t you just call me once a week like how was that hard? It’s just even just 30 minutes. Can she just text me but as an empath and Maybe this is true for you and your listeners, when I have someone in my inner circle in my worlds, they’re always there. I’m always thinking about them, it’s like I have a little string attached to them. And I’m always like, Oh, I wonder how they’re doing. I’m gonna send him a text, see how they are like, I’m very, when you’re in my inner circle, like you’re in my inner circle. And I’m thinking about you all the time. And I may not always tell you, but you’re always on my mind. And so if I allow someone in, I know that they’re going to be in my mind, and I can only hold so many people in my mind. And years ago, I used to do that with everyone, I couldn’t even hold a job. Because I was just constantly like Happy Birthday, let me bring that for you just had a baby, like, bring you food, like, I’ll plan that shower for you. Like I was the one that did everything like that was my work, I couldn’t even hold down a job because I would lose capacity for it, because I was doing so much to maintain all these relationships. So I pulled back from that. But this level of what happened was even more to where it was like, I literally, it’s just my husband and I and like my handful of five friends that are also sensitive that feel the same way. And it’s like we connect twice a year. That’s the best time of my life, but it’s twice a year, you know. And we’re happy, like, we don’t need to maintain lay. And again, that’s not everyone’s that way. I’m a massive hermit like, and I’ve learned that too. I didn’t realize how deeply I am a hermit. Human Design really helped me with that, too. I’m a six, two, so I have just, I need so much alone time, It’s bonkers to everyone, even my own husband’s like, wow. So I’ve really come to respect that though. And I’ve learned that in order to respect what I need, there’s gonna be a lot of people that are not going to understand. And so it really came to reckoning with having those conversations, having these dear friends cry, and, and just having to say, hey, like, this is all I can do. And leaving it at that. And sometimes, you know, it’s it’s just not not doing what they ask to have, like, I’m sorry, I told I told you, I can’t call you every week. So I’m not going to call you every week, you know. And if I think of you, I might text you. But that’s all I’ll have. And that doesn’t mean that we suddenly can get coffee, and hang out for three hours. So you know, I just means I’m thinking of you and I care about you. And I’m letting you know. So it’s been really challenging, to be honest, because I I know that I’m hurting people and that is as an empath. Like I guess our current right now that’s one of the hardest things to do is to take a step knowing that it’s the right step, knowing that it’s going to hurt someone, but at the same time, recognizing that they’re hurt, is their journey. And especially for me as I speak again, human design as a manifester. I’m here to literally be a catalyst. And so whatever action I take, if it’s done with conscious awareness, of course, I’m good intent, it will be a gift to that person, whether it’s what they wanted or not. And it’s gonna send them in the direction they’re meant to be sent in. And I have to trust that. So comes back to a lot of self trust. And honestly, experimentation, too, because sometimes I flop hardcat. And I’m like that. I did not handle that. Well. And I have to apologize and say, I’m so sorry, I did not communicate that well. I did not think about your differences. And I didn’t respect your differences for me, and that you needed more communication around that. But so I’ve done it well, and I’ve done it poorly. And each time I learned and I grow and now now I’m at a place where I’ve had so much beautiful alone time and growth over the last few years that I’m reopening the doors and like even doing these podcasts is like a reopening of the doors of like, okay, the hermit is ready to socialize. I have built up capacity, my body feels more healthy. I have my you know, speaking functionally, my adrenals are more on top, like there’s a lot more availability in my mind in my heart. And so I can now reach out. Yeah, and reconnect. And a lot of my friends are like, Oh, hello, you know. But it’s, it’s tough. It’s tough when I have friends that why I really don’t anymore. I have friends that need like constant communication. And I’ve learned that if I meet someone that’s that way that I need to be very honest at the forefront of like, hey, like, This is who I am. You’ve got to know that it’s not a lack of love. If I’m not communicating all the time. I’m probably thinking about you a lot. But if you need that, because some people do absolutely. And it’s not there’s anything wrong with them, but they need that physical in person connection in order to maintain a relationship and they need to be honest with that too. So if you’re listening in that To like you or not in the wrong, like, that’s beautiful, but make sure you connect with people that also need that. And to not take it personally, if someone isn’t built that way, it just means that we we just physically can’t do it. So yeah, that is that the depth you were looking for.
Catherine A. Wood 55:19
I mean, absolutely, and I so appreciate you sharing that, because I know our relationship journeys, as empaths and highly sensitive are very personal, and deeply impactful for us. And like, so necessary to share, because we all experienced them, you know, like, we all go through these unraveling things in our relationships, where we realize which ones we need to keep which ones we need to nurture which ones we need to let go of. And as impasse, right, like, we get to be responsible for the impact that we have on other people. And we are not responsible for their feelings. Yeah, that is something that we have to reckon with.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 56:09
It’s really hard. But that’s also where freedom comes in. And it does become easier over time. You find your words, you and our ability also to kind of anticipate and predict as much as it can be a downfall. Sometimes it can also be helpful, because you can sort of start to understand, okay, this friend is like this, or this person that may become a new friend is like this, I want to make sure that I’m honest and clear at the forefront, and doesn’t have to be dramatic, you know, and I’m like, okay, like, know that we’re friends, you know, like, you don’t have to do that. But it’s more just like, you know, if you start to notice that they really want to get together a lot, just I start to be clear, and I say Hey, like, you are so fun, I really enjoy you, I just want you to know that I’m a social hermit. So at times I appear very extroverted, and it can be deceiving. And I just want you to know that I’m actually someone that needs a lot of alone time. So if you don’t hear from me for a while, or I’m slow to respond, don’t take it personally, like, my love and care for you doesn’t change, I just might be like hibernating, and it’s just really natural and healthy for me. And then they’re like, cool, okay, because a lot of the times what it is, is they think they’re doing something wrong total, right. And so as long as they make that clear, I think it really helps. And that is something I do feel we are responsible for is making it clear who we are. But that unless we know who we are. So that’s always where it starts is understanding who you are, and what you need, and respecting and honoring that, and then trusting that you can live out of that and have
Catherine A. Wood 57:45
beautiful, healthy relationships. Totally. And I think sometimes we think we need to be able to articulate perfectly who we are, versus realizing that it’s like through the process. It’s, it’s through the mess that we discover the answers to those questions.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 58:01
Exactly. Yeah, I have all these terms for who I am now, simply because I I messed up a lot. And I miscommunicated and I, I absolutely hurt feelings. And I had I’ve had to apologize so many times and, and grow from that, you know, and that’s part of it. That’s going back to the perfectionism, that’s part of releasing, being the perfect friend, the perfect caregiver, the perfect partner, the perfect daughter, daughter in law, whatever it is, like letting that go. And just saying yeah, I because if you know that you can always apologize, you know, that you can change that really releases that expectation. And to know that you have value. We even when you make mistakes, that your values the same whether someone accepts you or not, whether you hurt someone’s feelings or not like your value is still the same. You’re just becoming a more beautiful and kind person through the experience.
Catherine A. Wood 59:00
Totally more human. Is that the goal, right, becoming more human, not more perfect. So as we wrap up, I wanna I do want to loop back to this question around your definition of what being a sensitive is because, you know, I noticed this a lot in some of your work that you really differentiate sensitive from natural sensitivity versus being a highly sensitive person. So what is your take on that? Yeah,
Jessi Michel Agadoni 59:27
so and I always want to say this, just so that it’s clear, I have so much respect for Dr. Elaine Aaron and her a creation of the term highly sensitive person. And for those of you that are new, it’s a term to describe sensory processing sensitivity, which is a trait and so I’ll kind of explain that in a minute. But since I work in the health worlds, the term sensitivity is used a lot to describe imbalance in the body like food sensitivities, or you have chemical sensitivity. So there’s this kind of negative undertone to the word sense hip and then highly sensitive like, Oh, you’re really out of balance, you know. And so I was kind of like, I don’t want to use that term, not because I don’t think it’s, you know, can be used well, I’m not grateful for Dr. Elaine Aaron’s work. But I feel like it’s confusing, and it creates this shame. And so I started using the term natural sensitive, because there’s also a lot of confusion around develop sensitivity versus innate sensitivity. And innate sensitivity is sensitivity you’re born with, it’s natural. And it’s that sensory processing sensitivity trait. So it’s something that will never change, you’ll always have it and I say, you can turn the volume up or turn the volume down based on how well you care for yourself. But it will always be there. And then there’s developed sensitivity, which comes from health imbalances and or trauma, right. And that’s what a lot of people are talking about. Right now, there’s a lot of discussion around this kind of sensitivity, especially amongst empaths, I would say, and an HSP highly sensitive people. But I want to make it very clear that there is a difference. Now, natural sensitives can have and usually do have developed sensitivity, right, you can have both. But that develop sensitivity is something we want to clear, it’s something we want to release, and we want to find balance and health, but you will still have that baseline of natural sensitivity underneath it. And that will be expressed differently in each person. So the work I do is technically for natural sensitives. But I have a lot of people that come to me that think they’re natural sensitives, but it’s actually developed sensitivity. And once we rebalance their bodies, they’re like, Oh, I’m, I’m not sensitive. And that’s beautiful. And that’s great. And that’s fine. It just means that the work that I do, they won’t have to do that for a long time. Whereas natural sensitives we have to live differently. It’s not season, we actually have to totally change our lives in order to be healthy, where someone that is just has developed sensitivity, they’ll change their lives for a season a moment to clear to create space for healing. And then afterwards, they can kind of usually go back somewhat to kind of cultures approach to living, they might have, you know, moments where they create calm and different things like that. But they’re a lot more resilient, naturally, they have stronger constitutions is another way to describe it. Whereas natural sensitives it’s almost like we’re aliens, like we came on to this world. And we, if we live like everyone else does, we are going to find ourselves in a state of disease. So we do have to live differently, we do have to make different choices. And we can live a really beautiful life. It’s not a limited life. It’s just a different life. And so that’s something I really liked to differentiate. And I found a lot of great response, like everyone loves the term natural sense is like it feels good, it feels optimistic, it feels healthy, it feels happy. I don’t. And it’s also when you’re trying to explain to family to friends, like hey, I actually am different. Like I’m not just weak, or there’s nothing wrong with me. This is just how I’m wired. This is an inborn trait, it’s natural sensitivity. It’s easy to explain versus like highly sensitive person. There’s a lot of confusion around Does that mean you’re like, there’s something wrong with you, you’re on the autism spectrum, like what’s going on, you know, so that’s really what it just naturally happened. And I so if you’re listening and that term just feels good to you please like use it. Like I’m not here to own it. Like it’s use it freely use it to help explain who you are, and to better understand who you are to.
Catherine A. Wood 1:03:47
So brilliant. I hear so much permission to own our gifts as a natural sensitive and to, to care for them right to like, support ourselves and being able to show up as our natural sensitives or a sensitive set selves, like more consistently,
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:04:06
right? Yeah, well, if you own it, it just, it’s something that it just is, right. It’s not an it’s not a negative thing. It’s just like, Oh, I’m you know, I have blue eyes. Okay, like, I’m a natural sensitive, okay, like, that’s just it’s just something it doesn’t have to be like this big thing. You can make it big or small. You can use a label or not used to label it doesn’t really matter. It’s just like a way to describe yourself if it if you find it helpful.
Catherine A. Wood 1:04:35
Yeah, totally. I mean, it kind of reminds me of how we started this conversation, right, like your journey, the healing work you did, and how that kind of I hear just a lot of carryover with being able to heal some of the challenges with our developed sensitivities so that we can truly embrace the gifts of our sensitivities.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:04:56
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
Catherine A. Wood 1:04:59
So As we wrap up, you know, I imagine so many of our listeners are going to be enthralled as I’ve been. Where do you recommend they begin, whether it’s on your website or your podcasts like, and but if they’re interested in this journey and in this transformation, where should they work? Where would you recommend they start?
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:05:22
Yeah, well, I think it depends on them.
Catherine A. Wood 1:05:26
That’s a very empathic response.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:05:30
Everyone’s unique. Yeah. So I mean, if you if this is the idea of Holistic Health is brand spanking new to you, then I recommend listening to my podcast, it’s called authentic, calm. And on there, you’ll get kind of an idea of who I am as a person. And then that might make you feel more comfortable. And trusting me in the process of holistic healing. If you’ve been on a long journey, and you have a chronic illness, you’ve seen everyone, all the practitioners, then I would direct you straight to my website, mira, Fleur wellness, it’s m er FL EU, our wellness.com. And my one on one care is very, very special and exclusive for those sensitives that have really gone through the wringer and want to be done. Because that is really what I’m known for is very efficient, effective, sensitive, focused healing, for the body functional healing. And we do lab testing, we do sensitive mentorship, we do like everything, we’ve talked on this podcast, you know, plus a lot of functional lab work. So it’s really holistic and well rounded. And six months of work together, it’s very intimate. And then for those that are just kind of like, I want to start on my healing journey, but I want to empower myself. And I like to work by myself, which I totally get some kind of the same way. And I just want to learn more, I created something called the authentic calm method. And it’s basically a lot of the foundational work that I do with my one on one clients over the last four years, I just created it into a method that you can walk through yourself, it’s 35 days, I always say it’s 35 days to calm, resilient body. But it’s for sensitives. And it’ll give you basically three layers of supports. And there’s a lot of a lot of amazing things in there. And I’m constantly adding to it. It’s a fun project for me because I created it, but it’s never done. So if you hop in, you have lifetime access. And I’m just constantly adding whatever I’m giving to my one on one clients, I ended up putting in there as well. So it’s kind of like getting one on one care without obviously seeing me and all the lab testing and stuff like that. But that’s a great way to empower yourself, which is always my goal, even in my one on one care is to not have you spend years and years and years healing your body, like there should be a short healing season that’s very focused, I require a lot of commitment. And then from there, you’re free, and your body is good to go. And you just spend the rest of the time doing gentle healing work and light healing work, not deep, dark healing for years and years.
Catherine A. Wood 1:08:09
So, you know, I wish everyone could see you on zoom as you’re talking about your offerings, because the level of just like commitment, and enrollment and candor, right, there is just an experience of self enrollment and your offerings that I think is really palpable. So I am excited to share you on the podcast. I’m excited to get to really have you here today. And as we wrap up. I am such a stand for empaths thriving on the world and in the world. And I believe that if more empaths prosper prospered in the world of business and relationship and health and life that we could truly transform the world of business. So I would love to hear what has supported you the most in becoming a prosperous empath.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:09:07
First of all, amen. And that’s I love it. I honestly a lot of my work is with entrepreneurs just because like I’m, I’m here for changemakers So, and I feel like as sensitives as empaths like we have the gifting that this world needs for that. So I would say the thing that is really helped me the most is like we’ve talked about creating calm and my body so that I can be resilient in my business because like I said before, I couldn’t hold a job. I couldn’t support myself I was constantly exhausted, I would take on four clients and then be like, drained. You know and so it’s it’s so important to be able to hold your space. So boundaries are a big one. But honestly the thing that has kind of stayed with me this whole time is actually a practice I sort of created It’s a blend of like acupuncture meets Reiki meet somatic meets hands on healing, like all sorts of things. But I call it the reconnection, and it’s in my method. But it’s as simple as this, I’ll share it, it’s simply placing my hands on my head. Yeah, exactly like that. And then going through my body, I go over my eyes, I go over under my chin, I go over my heart, and I move through my body in this fashion, I go all the way down to the abdomen, and I move through different parts, I won’t take you through the whole thing. But it’s, I moved through actually the different organ systems. So again, I’m always functional on the back end. But what it does is it grounds my body. And this loose structure of placing hands on these different areas of my body, I can invite in awareness, I can invite in healing, I can invite in a certain perception, I can invite in gratitude. And at the baseline, there’s actually so much that’s happening when you do this. But at the baseline, what I’m doing is I’m coming back into my 3d body. Because as empaths as sensitives, we like to live in the ethers, we like to live in the 45 D world, and we want to escape this annoying skin bone bag that doesn’t fully capture who we are. And so we try to disassociate, we try to disconnect. And that’s really what brings the disease forward brings that alarm mode for it. So if we can come back into our body, and remember, this is the present moment, I was placed on this earth at this time, for this moment for this person for this business for this intention, this vision or purpose I’ve been given. And it’s meant to be done in this body, the calm returns. And when you do that consistently, especially when you feel the alarm switching on, it builds resilience in the body. And so if you just did that, like every time you started to feel overwhelmed, every time you started to feel disconnected or worried or whatever it is for you, everyone has a little different expression, start to feel anxiety in the body, that will create that consistent health that you want. Like literally just doing that is more than enough. Everything else is a bonus. So for me, that’s I randomly put this together. Because I’m always playing with different modalities. And it’s something I did when I was in that moldy house. And I was absolutely at my darkest moment, losing all my friends, all of that, that that’s what this came out of that time. And it stayed with me and I do it. Not every day, I now do it like three to four times a week. And it’s more than enough. Now that I’m doing podcasts, I always do it before the podcast to ground myself. But there’s something really powerful in it. And whether you use mine or something similar, like find a practice that really resonates with you. And that you can just pull out of your toolkit every single time and pick one if you can, because it’ll become like a good friend that you there’s almost an atmosphere around it. That’s created just by doing it. You know what I mean?
Catherine A. Wood 1:13:19
Oh, that’s so brilliant. I mean, I feel more grounded, even just hearing you speak about it. Jesse, thank you so much. This has been such a joy and a delight and I am thrilled to have you on the podcast and to have this excuse to get to know you and your work. And yeah, I can’t wait to share this episode with my audience.
Jessi Michel Agadoni 1:13:41
Rob, thank you so much for having me on. It’s been a pleasure.
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Creating Transformational Group Containers with Kerry Dobson
Have you been thinking of adding a group program to your business offerings (or even investing in one)? This episode of The Prosperous Empath is for you! I’m honored to have Kerry Dobson, a coach who supports authors, coaches, and other thought leaders in crafting & leading their own group certification programs, on the show. After hosting over 100 professional groups in her career, Kerry has so much insight into what makes a group course successful for the leader and the participants via igniting passion and creating long lasting & impactful connections. Just by listening, you can hear the care and expertise she brings to this work. Your programs can be just as transformational as your 1:1 offerings, consider today’s episode as a resource to help you get started on creating your own!
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