Nov 21, 2023 | Podcast, Your Business
Empathy in Love with Brandon Dewyea & Tim Sokol
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About the episode:
Join me as I sit down with the incredible duo Brandon Dewyea and Tim Sokol. We dive deep into what it truly means to be an empath in love. Throughout our conversation, we uncover the raw emotions, the challenges, and the sheer magic of sustaining passion and equilibrium in a relationship. Have you ever felt that rollercoaster of heightened emotions? Or have you yearned for that perfect balance of intimacy and understanding? This episode is just for you. We talk about “organized fun,” the strength in vulnerability, and the transformative power of genuine communication. Whether you identify as an empath or just someone seeking a richer connection, I promise this conversation will touch your heart.
- The journey of two empaths in love with Brandon and Tim’s insights on connection and understanding
- The importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies and intimacy in modern relationships
- How to escape the roommate syndrome with “organized fun” and deeper communication
- Harnessing the power of a positive mindset and how intention shapes relationships
- How to empower your relationships by embracing boundaries, authenticity, and self-care
Connect with Brandon:
Connect with Tim:
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD
- The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
- Join us on Monday, December 11th at 12pm ET for our monthly Non-Networking Power Hour for Empath Entrepreneurs with our UNBOUNDED Mastermind Community for deep connections and meaningful support.
- Click here to view the Couples Check In Tool
Connect with Catherine:
- Sign up to receive my weekly digest on empathic entrepreneurship and hear from voices committed to spreading this message, sent straight to your inbox every Friday since 2016, here.
Work with Catherine:
- Interested in working 1:1 with Catherine or a certified coach on her team, or joining one of her premium mastermind programs? Schedule a low-pressure call to begin the conversation here.
Click here for a raw, unedited transcript of this episode
Catherine A. Wood 00:00
All right, Brandon. And Tim, welcome to the podcast.
Brandon and Tim 00:06
Well, thank you. Thank you.
Catherine A. Wood 00:08
I’m so thrilled to have you both here. I think the two of you are only my second time where I’ve had two people join me on the podcast. And last time they were business partners. So the two of you make my very first couple to join me on the show. And I’m really delighted for our conversation today.
Brandon and Tim 00:30
As are we thank you for having me here.
Catherine A. Wood 00:33
Um, let’s see. So by way of introducing yourselves, I would love for you ah, to share your pronouns. And then you know, Brandon, you are really the impetus for us having our conversation today. So maybe I’ll let you kick us off with an introduction around why we’re here. Okay,
Brandon Dewyea 00:55
well, she and her is great. Thank you for asking, and introduction to why we’re here. I’m gonna I in in like, a little bit about my story or why I reached out.
Catherine A. Wood 01:09
Yeah. Totally. I mean, so I, you know, I’ve, I’ve just been so inspired by you by the for the last couple months, because you’ve been in so much communication and connection. And you’ve really kind of, like, I want to connect with you, I want to share this with you, I think you should connect with this person on the podcast. And I’ve just been so inspired by your leadership. And so guess I wanted to pass the baton to you to really share a little bit around your story, and what inspired you to really want to come on the show to share.
Brandon Dewyea 01:45
Okay, thank you. Yeah, I, I have been listening to your podcast for quite a while. And I think it’s just amazing. And I think as empaths we’re really sensitive to all the things right, so how is their voice? And how do I feel when I’m listening to it? And is there something I can take away from it? Is there an experience and is it relatable. And so for me, you hit you hit all the boxes, which was really important. And it’s just, it’s just been such a wonderful to experience you in that way. And having come off our personal journey, which of course, we’ll go more into with being empaths, and a lot of just the personal and professional challenges that we’ve experienced, I just really felt like, gosh, we actually have some, some probably some really wonderful nuggets to share and pass on to others in life and be in a relationship or other. And so I felt like we were beyond the point enough of our journey to be able to, you go through something and then you kind of come up for air and get your bearings and start healing and Okay, now I’m ready to talk about let’s do it and pass it on. And I wish that hadn’t had gone through some of our things that we had some more resources to pull upon. So I think there’s something to be said, for giving back. I think thank goodness, more awareness is becoming brought to the surface around empaths and HSPs resources. Thank goodness, and I want to contribute. And I think that its power in numbers, and we all have to support each other on this journey. So yeah, reaching out because I believe in the work that you’re doing. And I think that so many of us can look back in our lives and wonder, Is that possible for me? Is that ever is that ever going to happen? Be at a relationship business, I just think it’s it’s, we I think we’ve all been there to some degree at some point in our lives. And that can be sometimes just a really empty line, lowing low feeling and scary. And so that was another reason why I just wanted to reach out and say, hey, you know, we’re a little bit of something over here. What do you think? And is there anything in your? Would you be open to exploring talking to me? And then yeah, I’ve just been pinging you with, what about that? I thought about that. But I mean, it’s cool to see other HSP networks, and oh my gosh, like how many wonderful collaborations because really, at the end of the day, we all need to move the needle forward. Right? And spread more and more awareness, and we all need the support. Oh, totally.
Catherine A. Wood 04:05
And I mean, I think that that’s just an such an important reminder that you know, when we’re experiencing something in life and business in our relationship and not finding enough resources or, or mentors to follow, we need to bring our own voices and then what a beautiful way to share what we learned by by sharing it by by taking up more space and, and Tim, I really appreciate you for for just jumping in.
Tim Sokol 04:39
Well, you’re welcome. As you know, when Brandon mentioned this to me, I immediately said yes, it was again our idea of sharing our journey. Not having maybe the same support and really wanting to push some of those ideas forth to others and help others it’s comes from from a really genuine and Good place.
Catherine A. Wood 05:01
Yeah, well, I think that that was really self evident from the first time I connected with the two of you. And one thing I really appreciated about chatting with the two of you, the last time is just that dance between how the two of you maneuver through your relationship. And I think I may have mentioned this the last time, but just this lovely way that the two of you lean back, and lean forward and give each other space and take up space and create space and are responsible for your space and, you know, apologize for interrupting one another and trying not to speak for one another, like, all of the ways in which the two of you so consciously, are responsible for the energy and the space that you take up in your relationship is indicative to me of the work that you’ve done on your relationship. And that is what I am just so excited to dig in today. Because I can’t tell you how many members in my unbounded mastermind community have shared over the years like, I just want my partner to do this work, or how do I get my partner on board? Or like cat? Like how, how do I get my partner to understand that he needs to take responsibility or needs to apologize or right. And, and it’s very clear that the two of you are both mutually committed, and really in it. And so I would love to hear what that journey has been like for you.
Tim Sokol 06:36
You hit it on the nail on the head, so to speak with saying about work, it was work, that was not necessarily easy. I think we mentioned this even prior is you have to have some uncomfortable conversations, you have to be willing to have some uncomfortable conversations in this. And and that’s part of it, that’s part of having the communication and it’s not easy. And I don’t think that I was necessarily, you know, you had mentioned these these wonderful attributes to our relationship and how we give those things forward. If you look back, you know, so many years back into our relationship, it may have been there, but not all the way there. And so every year, every month, every day, I think we add upon that, and as we’ve gotten better at that and, and it’s become easier. It’s been such a a wonderful path to take. It’s so much easier to have that versus the way that we were doing things and a lot of ways. So in a lot of ways I would urge couples to I know that you have to go through some of these uncomfortable situations. But if you have those tools, you’re going to find yourself in a better place years down the road. So
Brandon Dewyea 07:45
yeah, if I could build upon that, I mean, we actually, we actually literally were there. And I really have to figure out what year that was up to give that some more thought. But okay, even if that’s in your nose, I just had to do it want to do it. So we had a situation where we we’ve been together seven years. And Tim has always he has so many amazing qualities. And one of the wonderful things that I loved about him and still love about him is he gave me a lot of space to be me. And which just I mean, my belly just like softens, thinking about it. And I’m so lucky to find somebody like that. And I also in, in just in as you stumble through life, and you kind of figure out what’s working, what’s not. Or maybe I want to try this or try that. Aye, aye, aye, I had some ideas of maybe some ways that we could implement some structure in our life that might help us on a couple of different ways. And so I guess to me, if we take the emotion out of it, because I understand it to some degree, right? Which, regardless of what type of relationship you’re in, you hear the word like, can we try this? Or can we work? Can we just talk longer, and more often? It’s like, oh, God, how long is it gonna last? It’s gonna be painful and something about feelings and work. Right? And at the same sense, in all honesty, if we take out the charge of it, and the emotion of it to me, if we really simplify this, could it could is there another way that we could look at this and look at like, if you look at all the things that come up in relationships, whether it’s like, how are we handling the holidays this year, or, you know, the landscaping? Gosh, we’ve been trying your guy, and he’s pretty good, but I feel like he’s kind of dropping the ball on X, Y and Z, you know, can we try this guy over here for a bit and then reevaluate, like could it not be something as simple as that in terms of a not trying to simplify it, but in the in taking the charge out of it basically coming to your partner, which is what I did with Tim, I said, Can we try this? Like, I’m noticing XY and Z kind of isn’t working? I’m feeling a little frustrated. Seems like you’re getting a little frustrated too. I have an idea. Are you open to trying it and he was a little like, Oh, all right. I mean, he was really supportive. But there I could tell there’s a little eye roll right? But I kind of was like let’s just give it a go. And there was a viral there wasn’t there was When I saw it right now, it was in all honesty, I think it’s it’s it’s not, it wasn’t me saying, well, it’s gotta look exactly like this. And I’m sorry, it’s the only way it’s gonna go. It really was like, let’s just give this a shot. And if it sucks, okay, but we gave it and the really cool thing that we were able to do Cat is we came together, we gave it a shot, and then we were able to, which I think is extremely important in a partnership is you’re able to really break it down. Oh, what do we like about this? What’s working? What’s not, you know, what can we throw this piano like that? Let’s put it that great. And now all of a sudden, it became a partnership. And something that it it. It fueled us and helped us so much. And here’s the other thing. I mean, really, what do you have to lose? Because I think at the end of the day, we all want to feel heard, we all want to feel validated. We all want to feel safe. And I think when we think of hard things work, as Tim pointed out, the the feelings that can bubble up are do I feel safe to have a voice? Can I really say the hard things to write? Do I know it’s going to be received? Are we just going to end up fighting? And that’s I mean, again, I recognize I’m simplifying a little bit. But those I think are some of the things that kick up where if you can feel that actually felt pretty darn good. Like we talked about some housekeeping stuff, and how are we doing some logistics this week, we talked about some finances, we talked about some safe space stuff, I had to bring up some stuff with you that’s been bubbling up for a while. Now you have accountability, you have structure, you also have some, you know, it’s not going to go on for three hours. So you’re not feeling like this pain. And now all of a sudden, you start to feel like, wow, I can rebuild my trust with this person. And I have a voice and they’ve heard me and and now I’m feeling more and more comfortable to speak up about some of the hard things. And now I’m realizing, wow, when we don’t do that now we’re really realizing like the you know, the effects, right? And then you’re able to come back together and say, What do you think this is? Is this working? Is this helping us? Or is it hindering us? So how does that sound? Is that feel?
Catherine A. Wood 11:56
I mean, there’s so much of what you’ve said, I really, I really love. But one thing I just want to call attention to? And I guess I’m curious if you’re familiar with Marshall Rosenberg’s work the nonviolent communication, good? Because you really, you just hit the nail on the head with what that looks like. Right? It’s like, rather than leading with our complaints, we lead with our observations around what we’re genuinely noticing and how it makes us feel. And then what potential need we have or and it sounds like what need you also perceived in Tim and then making a genuine request. Like I just feel like that’s such a lovely example of nonviolent communication in in inaction because I really hear how in that moment of noticing what wasn’t working about the landscaping, that you really just led with curiosity and partnership, rather than leading with your complaints or critiques that, rather than, you know, making Tim feel like a welcome partner who could come to the table, he might have felt, you know, chastise or criticized, yeah, wronged in some way, which I think is often how it goes with, with high ambitious partners. You know, this isn’t working right. And but people hear it as not, this isn’t working. We hear it as you’re not working, you’re doing something wrong, rather than Hey, I noticed something. Can we talk about this? Yeah, very different energy.
Tim Sokol 13:29
If I may add to that perspective, the male perspective, as you mentioned earlier, and maybe the difficulty around that. And a lot of that goes on with what we’re taught in society, how we’re sharing our feelings. Is that manly? Are you allowed to do that? You know, are you going to, you’re going to be looked upon a certain way, you know, with your other peers, your other? You know, it’s something Well, I can’t tell other peers that are my other gentlemen friendly. That’s not good. I can’t share my feelings. It’s not about that. It’s about respecting your partner, your partner’s wishes, if they’re asking for something. If I ask something of my partner, I would hope that they would be open to it. As you know, she would be open to my things as very little to do with that. But I think that overshadows a lot of things. I think, I think that we talked about a lot about men don’t cry. Men don’t share their feelings. And it’s not necessarily true. I think a lot of I think a lot of when males hang up together in a situation, it’s not going to be like that always. There’s a very machismo or a very kind of a thing happening there. But, and it depends on your groups, and maybe I’m speaking in generalities, but that’s a big part of it. It’s I think that’s another layer to get through speaking to that point, and it becomes you know, I think what we’re taught in society, a lot of it
Catherine A. Wood 14:49
Well, to me, I’d love to like dig in a little deeper there. Because, you know, something I know about you both from our last meeting is that it sounds like it wasn’t always this way. that there was really kind of a moment where you consciously started partnering differently. My, my intuitive sense is that this was kind of led by Brandon, although I’m not 100% sure about that. Is that true? Let me actually let me check in. Okay. Well, I think that that’s, I mean, in my experience in my experience, this is that’s often how it goes. It’s typically the kind of the female identifying energy that brings, hey, like, I’m noticing something, let’s create something different. And I am curious, from your perspective, Tim, like, what did Brandon do well, that had you receive her needs her desire for reinventing how you do things in your relationships so openly? Because honestly, I think that, that is like the golden question for my clients, like they want to know, like, how can I talk to my husband in a way that he hears my love and my desire for partnership? And not that he’s doing anything wrong?
Tim Sokol 16:11
Right, what what? I think a lot of it was doing things, not all at once wasn’t, you know, she didn’t throw it on me, they know, we need to do this, we need to do that. I think it was gradual. And that was the best way to approach myself was let’s try this. And we’ll we’ll be getting into something that we wanted to share with you with something we call our wack weekly check in. And it started off small started off with one or two items that we can digest, we can work on, we can see if it was working for the two of us. That’s how it worked. For me. It’s how I was able to Yeah, there was some eye rolling. Is this really gonna work? Is this kind of, you know, is this one of those just things, but I also had to realize, maybe this is the reasons why my previous relationships hadn’t worked. Because of that communication? And because of getting into some things that deserve further conversation. And when are we going to have those conversations? Because if you look at your daily life, if I look at what I’m doing, and if I don’t schedule that time in, when is it going to happen? And I think a lot of couples can speak to that, if you’re not going to have those conversations about what happened, you know, oh, my God, you just I’m gonna give an example that doesn’t relate to us, let’s say, but let’s say you woke me up in the middle of the night, you do it every single time. What happens with that? If that keeps on happening? It keeps on snowballing. What does that affect at the end of the day, you’re going to keep on building with that, it’s going to end up blowing up at some point in time. And that’s what usually happens with, I think, couples, you know, things build up because we don’t talk about them. We didn’t want to talk about those things. Maybe it’s it’s difficult to say, I don’t want to hurt my other partner. If I say that, does that mean that I am saving simply saying something about our love? That’s an important thing, too. I think a lot of couples don’t distinguish the two of them, you can have an uncomfortable conversation. You can say some things that are pretty uncomfortable. But how do we do that? When do we do that? And we will. I definitely want to get into that sooner than that. But
Brandon Dewyea 18:20
but at the same spacing, what it was that was the I think that was really that was that is I don’t remember the other one that we started with. But I think it was because one thing that was happening for us is we would try to have tried to not necessarily wouldn’t necessarily feel like a big thing to maybe me that I bring up or vice versa. But they’re like walking by they’re getting out the door. And you’re like I can’t handle this right now. Like I need to go right timing, right. Yeah. Being able to receive the information, how we say it, how you receive it. And so that was a big catalyst for us starting so I think that that is well, in all fairness to Tim was like, do we have to talk about everything we spend so much time talking? But it was like
Tim Sokol 19:00
I actually remember something? No, actually no actually remember this other part where we will be in the kitchen for instance, I’d be making myself breakfast and she wants to talk about something that is difficult. I’m like, No. First, how about that? Or let me make something. We’re What have you been up for five hours? With her? This is a funny, funny, thank you maybe like, oh, man, did you get up? How long is the bench has been up for hours? I’m thinking about it. And the funny thing is, and we talked about this, and I hope I can share I can share this without her feeling this way. But there was there was moments when she was not saying good morning. And we were talking about this about saying please pause and it’s the attention of just saying good morning. It’s saying good morning. It’s saying hi. Something I said don’t just jump into because her mind is racing. It’s thinking about those things. I woke up I’m like having my coffee. I thought about this, this this this let’s solve it. No. Stop it. Stop there. And I didn’t also realize to my journey as being HSP has been a lot different than I noticed other people, or a lot of other people that have heard in their stories. My journey became a lot less through readings and identifying it was identified more through Brandon and actually through her mom, where, you know, you’re a, you’re an HSP, I think, and I’m like, I don’t know, that doesn’t sound good. Is that like some sort of a disease? I don’t want to have that. So no, I don’t I don’t have a I’m not an HSP. But reading further and and looking into some of it. And again, I practice more of it than I, I will be honest, more than I read about it, checking off those boxes and saying, Yeah, that makes sense to me. I’m an HSP, because of these different things that that resonates with me big time. And I did a little bit of a squirrely move there. And I’m, I want to get back to what I was talking about. But I don’t know if I’ll remember that.
Brandon Dewyea 20:54
I’ll try. So how it how it worked? Oh, yeah, receiving, yeah, something that could be said.
Tim Sokol 21:01
Getting back to our conversations, it became more of that it was, this is not the proper time for this, let’s, let’s get back to a proper time. So then it became a back and forth. So I think this the conversation started there. But it went back and forth and how it’s gonna work for us. No, that doesn’t work for me, don’t approach me then. Let’s now we just came, oh, my god, let’s come up with one day a week. And then it became, let’s add to that, that’s going to be helpful. Boom, boom, Bill, Bill says that overnight.
Catherine A. Wood 21:29
I love that Tim, honestly, I, I could have put my details from my relationship into your mouth. And it is the exact same dynamic as the two, I get up at 5am, my husband gets up at 7-8. You know, now he’s not, He doesn’t sleep in late. But I have three hours of exquisite self care and my morning routine, and prioritizing me and the dogs and I feel ready and grounded and present and like ready to take on the day by the time he wakes up. And he just wants a kiss and a cup of coffee and a good morning. And I think a theme that I hear both of us speaking to us this idea of consent, like we have to create consent in our relationships, where we’re both on the same page, ready to jump into a conversation available for hearing someone’s to do list or requests of us or complaints or needs, or desires or preferences any of it.
Tim Sokol 22:27
Yeah, that’s almost like we’re speaking, we were speaking a different language in some ways, you know, and we had to get on the same page with that. And it was it was being uncomfortable. It was saying some of those things that I don’t I didn’t want to say. And believe it or not, they even found even more boundaries after this past year. Where, you know, maybe it’s driving her crazy a little bit in some ways, like, oh my god, this guy found his voice. Now I need to put a cork in it. No, I’m just kidding. But really, it was it was finding some of those things. And it’s, it became uncomfortable for me. I really, I’m still struggling with it. I am still struggling with some of the things that I say. And but but but I’m not what I’m what I’m not afraid to say either, you know, and and again, if I say it the wrong way. Let me know about it in our safe space. So that’s that’s really important.
Brandon Dewyea 23:13
Well, for me, too. I think one thing that’s like you did good morning thing that you were saying. I mean, it was that was an interesting dynamic, because I remember just feeling like Did I not say the point? You know, I felt like a little like, did we cover that. But I really it was actually in all seriousness really helpful to hear. He’s like, I need to connect with you like that grounds me, I need to hold you for a minute where I’m like, but I got it. And it was it was but it was really and I was like that, okay, that’s important to him, we already felt connection to him. And I was so proud of him that he articulated that but all seriousness, I actually had to write it down on something that I need to pause, I need to connect with it. So that went on that was an example of something that went on our weekly thing I needed to see it and then he needed to see that I was working on it. So I could look at that and say how am I going with that? Have you been improving? Like any of us, right? Wait, did you put the toilet seat down or whatever? There’s all of those things in our relationship that come up, that we all want to feel like, do they matter? Are you working on this and having some of that structure in place? allowed us okay, the pressures off, I’m here, I’m ready to talk with you. I’m ready to connect. I’m ready to receive something that might be a little challenging for me to hear. But I recognize it’s important to you. So let’s get into it. Right and let’s talk about it. And no, we’re not leading, you know, no, there’s no distractions, we don’t have to get out the door like we are present. We’re also gonna have some structure and realize that we’re not going to be here for 16 hours talking about this. And we’re also going to get stuff done and there’s been times that that it hasn’t gone as well and it’s a hot mess. But you know what, we did it we came together and we connected and we were able to work through it.
Tim Sokol 24:44
We may have gotten through one topic for that matter, and that blew up. And I know specifically I was because of that one we start off if I’m if I may bring up a couple of those topics. One of those we start off with emotional check in and And I think it’s so important that we start with emotional checking whether we have one or not, it may be very brief, it may be very long, I may have gone through something, and letting her know right away. And that may take up the entire conversation and then blow up. And this is not working, let’s take a pause on this, let’s, let’s push this for another time. And we intentionally do those things. And it’s worked out great. And by the way, I’m so happy to say that you and it doesn’t make us feel or make me feel like I’m alone in this world to hear that same dynamic with you and your husband, and, and the morning and the and all of that.
Catherine A. Wood 25:33
It’s just to normalize it like actually think that that’s really normal for empathic, highly sensitive couples. Because we’re high achievers, we’re very ambitious, and driven and our minds race, right, we have highly fast operating minds. And the way in which we process information is different. You know, like, I process information, the best in the morning time, in the morning time, I am the most clear about everything that’s outstanding, in my mental or physical to do list that there is to get done. And so that’s just my tendency, but learning how my husband processes things differently has been a, a huge success principle for our marriage. And honestly, that wanted, that made me want to bring up this beautiful practice from the book, the success principles by Jack Canfield. I’m not sure if either of you are familiar with that book, but it’s a, it’s a lovely book with very kind of bite size, success principles from his work. And he shared a couple that have been hugely impactful for me, actually, I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared this. So one of his success principles was one Thanksgiving, he decided to write a journal entry to his wife every single day about something that he appreciated her for, or something that he was grateful to her for, because she shared some feedback with him that she didn’t feel appreciated. And that really hit home for me, because my husband has shared that with me as well. And so, two years ago, I took on not even two years ago, a year and a half ago, I took on that practice, and I wrote him a journal entry every single day for a whole year. And I gave it to him earlier this year on his birthday, and and it was so impactful for me because I think when we reorient our mind towards what we appreciate what we love, rather than what’s missing, or what we need, it just rewrites the energy flow. And there was a huge shift in my relationship. Nothing that was said, right, it was just simply a reflection of me being differently in the relationship. So that’s one of the success principles that I personally use. And then the second one is also from his book, he does a simple check in with his wife, again, I love when authors use personal examples, especially when they’re some of kind of the greats in the personal development field, right. But a second practice that he has is just to check in everyday with his wife on a scale of one to 10. How am I doing in our relationship? And then she gets to rate him, right? Rate his efforts. And then if it’s not a 10, the follow up question is, what do I need to do to make it a 10. And I was reading this book on vacation, and I checked in with my husband that day, and he I think he gave me an eight. And I asked him once they get a 10. And he’s like, I think if you made me more of those sandwiches that you meet today.
Brandon Dewyea 28:52
That too, is I mean, huge, right? It’s monumental. But I also think what’s really great about that is his his last two points, it could be anything, right? But the fact that like, oh my gosh, if I could just have some of those sandwiches, like it’s, it’s in fun. It’s also like, it feeds him in so many levels, and it’s such a small gesture, the more you can go into thinking, it’s gonna be huge, right? He’s gonna ask me to do something just dragon Gus and impossible where it’s like, really? that would that would do it. Well, that’s cool. And it just starts to build up your self confidence. Right? Yeah. So much more. So I think that’s so cool. Yeah, I need to, I need to read that book.
Catherine A. Wood 29:30
Thank you. So in line, absolutely. It will add it in the show notes. So if anyone wants to find that there, but it’s actually really aligned with your example. Also, you know, Tim shared that he just needed a good morning, in the morning and it’s like those things that we need. We overcomplicate them in our head or we make them so difficult in order to meet our partners needs when in reality, when we can gain that facility within ourselves to be able to distinguish what we need and then trust our partner Are with those needs, we are setting ourselves up to get more of our needs met.
Brandon Dewyea 30:05
Yep. Well said. Absolutely.
Tim Sokol 30:09
So, is it okay Cat, I would, I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to go through. If it’s okay with you, if you think that’s something that would be helpful, because you touched on the acknowledgments. And we actually have that honor check in. And it is our second item on our list. And it’s very important for us because it’s instant. It’s in real time. It’s, it’s, you know, for that week, you know, and it could be you don’t have anything, but it’s an idea to share. Maybe it’s an acknowledgement of my own self, you know, hey, I’m sharing when I’m, I’m going to say that I never used to really do that a lot, never used to share my own wins, it was more like, hey, I really appreciate you for doing this, that or the other thing, instead of saying, you know, I appreciate myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone, or, or, or doing something that made me feel uncomfortable, but I did it. And I had that success. And that was amazing, too. So maybe we don’t need to hit every single item. But it was just the idea.
Catherine A. Wood 31:08
What can we just back up? So is that the second step on your weekly check in? Or is this a daily check in that you also have
Brandon Dewyea 31:16
weekly? Weekly? Yeah, I did the emotional check in because it’s okay to share. And I guess you can? No, no, I would love for you to say we also Yeah, we had a start. And then we added the emotional check in because one day we started talking and you know, as HSPs, right, we we are feeling before we’re there, right in our bodies, and Tim just started, he just lost it. And he was just like, he started crying. It was it was like, I think I need to wow. And that’s when we start adding an emotional check in, you remember that
Tim Sokol 31:46
I was actually taking in a lot of grief my father had passed. And I think as that happened, that’s where I was at, I was thinking of my dad that day. So I was already you could have probably said anything good or bad. And I probably would have just lost it because I was thinking about him. So as we’re trying to do all these things were going into, you know, acknowledgments and we’re going over our weeks focus in intentions. We just couldn’t, I couldn’t I couldn’t even get past that
Brandon Dewyea 32:17
for so helpful for me to know that like, let me know what’s going on with you. Right? Like how are you feeling? Are you grounded? No. And what are you anxious? Or I’m this I’m that like, just allowing yourself to know what’s going on with your partner’s energy? And then also like, what’s coming up for them to what’s on your mind what stresses are happening at work? Or? Or were you feeling inadequate? Or were you feeling excited? Or? I mean, it’s just, I think a lot of times we can just be passing chips in relationships. And you also don’t have children? Right? Like, I mean, you throw them in Vexen. I mean, it’s like, busy and entrepreneurs. Yeah. Which has been really helpful not to take away from what you were saying and get to a point. But I think as entrepreneurs too, it’s, it’s really helpful to be able to hold each other to our greatness. And what are your focus is this week? What are your wins? Where you challenge? What are you working on? Where do you maybe need some accountability or structure? So it’s, it’s definitely a morph of a lot of things. But again, I think that also can be applied to people who are not both entrepreneurs or what have you. But even just supporting your partner, right? What do you have going on?
Tim Sokol 33:19
Do you think at the time, what where do we fit this in? Well, it doesn’t matter about entrepreneur. And I think I threw that in there. Because that was important to mention, but it’s just the idea of, you know, where do you fit this in in a day? And if you don’t create safe space time, when are you going to do it? Probably never, if you don’t actually intentionally create that thing. And if it does, it’s probably going to come on bad timing, like in that morning time when it’s bothering you. And you’ve been thinking about it for three hours, and I wake up and I’m having my coffee or vice versa. And then you spill your guts and is that productive. I wasn’t ready to receive it. She’s throwing it out there because she thinks it’s helpful. She wants to get off her chest, I’m not ready to receive it. And that’s not gonna work. So if we don’t work, can we
Catherine A. Wood 33:59
create? Can we kind of, I’m dying to hear more about this weekly check in I mean, my coach’s ears are ringing, right? Because this is actually and I didn’t share this with you previously. But this is a practice that I offer couples clients who are wanting to deepen their relationship and intimacy with their partner. This is a practice that I call a State of the Union, where we get to talk about a State of the Union relationship. So my questions are, how do you create the safe space? And are there kind of ground rules, ground rules or foundational steps that you’ve learned with time to ensure you have a productive and connecting weekly check in?
Brandon Dewyea 34:44
Yeah, do you want me to take this one or you want to add on? I think that it when the conversation originally came up of when we’re some type of face to face could be helpful for us. i The intention was We kind of the ground rules were it’s one benefit that I that I want to speak to because I think this is easy for us to forget, you can be so charged in the moment as something that’s just really pissing you off, right? And there’s something to be said for like how maybe let it, document it. But then by the time comes of when you’re gonna have your check in, does it still bother you? It Right? Is there still that charger? Is it worth it? Was it were there other things going on with you that maybe can help to defuse it? Or give you some clarity? And it’s, of course, it’s about taking ownership, right? What’s my stuff in this right? Am I just reacting? Or is there something deeper and as HSPs? We know that we’re ruminating and thinking and feeling all the time. And so taking the extra time to really sit with it is really helpful. And it does everybody? I think it does a disservice for us not to, in answer to your question, the safe space when I don’t remember obviously verbatim what I said. But when I broach the subject of this basic safe space, it was really coming from that place of the point of doing this is so that we recognize there might be some hard things for us to bring up and coming into that space of noncompetitive being open know that this is coming from a loving place. This is hard for me this is vulnerable. This is hard for me to bring up I’m feeling really uncomfortable right now I’m this is sensitive for me, really using that language. And knowing that I’m, it’s already hard for me to articulate this. So please be tender. Please, please put your put your compassion, you know, gloves on and, and hold the space for me. And so we we’ve, we’ve been we’ve been working that language that really helped us because it takes it took the pressure off and just knowing how hard it is for your partner to bring something up. And then also to notice some of the things that like as example he’s brought up or fired up in him, and you’re kind of sitting there going, Wow, that was that hard for him. Like it just makes you feel so much compassion. Right. Like, I’m so glad he brought that up. Oh my gosh, let’s get in there. Let’s talk about Yeah, thank you. So I had no idea I was doing that. Or thanks for letting me know. And you just you just, it just pulls you in. Right? And yeah, there’s some things brought up and you’re like, Oh, you feel prickly and you feel defensive. But you’re like, okay, and then there’s times something’s brought up like that even happened to us this morning. We were reached out we sat on the floor we did our morning check in and it got a little intense and emotional. And we I reached out my hand and chit grabbed his hand and like let’s just ground each other. I feel like my start crying and like, okay, let’s just get through this. Like what do you want to say right now? And and then there’s been some times where it’s like, this is feeling a little bit bigger than I feel that our time has for today. Could we come back to this? Could we could you this is important. I want you to know this is important for me to hear this. But could we come back to it? Would that be okay to do can we save this for next week? or what have you also feeling okay to because right because I could feel my stomach like getting a knots I’m feeling stressed about the time I’m getting a little hungry. Like, I don’t know that I’m going to be able to receive this and really give you my best to be present in this conversation.
Tim Sokol 37:56
And it prevents us from I think we should just coined this term. This is I think our term the virtual strangle, you want to take your partner and go like this, where she I think please me send push it down the stairs. But, uh, no. But, um, no, but I said the stringless use of the push down the stairs. So we’re even. But But yeah, so we don’t get to those points of feeling, you know, like, hey, this, this wasn’t all right. And you know, we’re not going to always connect on those points. It could be something from like, Hey, you’re making a clicking stop that, you know, to something that’s really hard. So we have everything on there for the safe space. And a lot of times recently, I have noticed that I want to sit with those things, I don’t always want to bring them up because I want to see how I feel and another, you know, few days a week. If it’s still bothering me, maybe maybe when the next day or next day and I’m upset or something, I would like to bring it up even sooner. So the check ins are there for a weekly check in. But it’s not like you know, a we keep to a weekly thing that’s really going to bother me, I’m going to bring it up in another way. But it’s going to come up in such a way that I know that I don’t want to be brought up in the you know, just any point in time during the day. It’s got to land well, then, too, so it’s it’s creating another space. And it’s just being really intentional about doing that. You know, I
Catherine A. Wood 39:15
so appreciate both of your vulnerability and willingness to have this conversation with me because I think you’re speaking to topics that are so important and so useful. And, and you you just shared an example Brandon that I think speaks to such a common challenge in in, in relationships. And this idea of like, how can we set our clients up to hear us open heartedly and one of the examples that you just so beautifully shared was like, Hey, this is really hard for me to communicate. Please be tender with me. Please, like bring your compassion Shouldn’t listening, this is hard for me to say, right? It’s like, simply by creating that container for whatever you’re about to say, you are already supporting Tim, in supporting you, you’re already presence in him to Okay, I need to, I need to be empathetic here, I need to be able to listen, I need to, you know, really try not to make this about me or take it personally. And, you know, we’re humans, and we’re sensitives. So we’re deeply feeling oriented, right? So we’re, we’re pre conditioned to take our partners personally, right? So you’re welcome. And by simply saying, Hey, this is going to be really hard for me to share, you’re already supporting him and not taking whatever you’re about to say, personally, which I just think is gold. And then also creating that loving out for yourself. Like, Hey, I know you need more from me in this conversation. Like, I don’t think now’s the time, maybe my energy’s not right. Or I’m hungry, or we don’t have enough time right now, especially with busy entrepreneurs, right? It’s just so lovely. There’s just permission and compassion on the front end, and on the tail end.
Tim Sokol 41:21
And there’s also, you know, we start the conversation first. So it may not go like you had said, it may not be solved in that moment. And maybe the next week after that, where, Hey, we gotta put a pause on this, is it okay to put a pause on us here, or I listen, I can’t take any more, I’ll just be honest with you, let’s just end this because it’s not going to end up in a spot where we want to end it. And we want to make sure that we’re also being, you know, sensitive to each other in that frame. So it’s not about solving it in that moment. In fact, sometimes we try in a very general sense to, to form like, Hey, listen, let’s talk about this for the next, let’s say 15 minutes, anything over that, I think we’re going to end up in World War Two. So let’s keep it within a certain parameter. Let’s add in nothing’s perfect. Again, our list was built because of what our needs were. And we actually think that our lists could be a great model for other couples. That being said, there’s going to be some tweaking with other couples, other couples may say, you know, no, that’s not important to us. We don’t, we don’t need to talk about that. I would probably, you know, argue on some of those, but for the most part, you know, you’re gonna come up with your own system your own, because you Every relationship is different, and you have different things that are important to you. So,
Catherine A. Wood 42:37
so we’re recording this on a Monday. So do you have your weekly check ins every Monday morning?
Brandon Dewyea 42:43
We do. Yeah, we’ve noticed that. If we don’t do it, like there’s been times because again, we’re busy entrepreneurs, right things happen. We have learned that if we don’t do it, we it we start to not feel as connected, and other things start happening. And that affects every day. And so it’s not to sound dramatic, but it really has been a massive, and that’s been also good restraint. By contrast, wow, we’re really realizing we that’s just non negotiable, isn’t it? Yeah. And there’s been times where we’ve maybe we strive for 1015. Every Monday, there’s been times where maybe moved it to five or something. But in general, it’s happened enough times where we’ve tried to be like, let’s just squeeze this in. Can we do it Tuesday? Yeah, she’s over it. Yeah, sure, will it and all of a sudden, something happens. And all of a sudden a week goes, it’s just not worth it. Like, we’ve just learned that we really need to stick to that as much as possible. I think a
Tim Sokol 43:29
lot of that was the safe space talk. It’s, it’s making sure that we have that because I don’t want to be upset with her with something that I couldn’t figure out. And now I really want to know the answer for I think, I think, I don’t want to say I don’t know how to be generous with guys want to know, you know, question answer. You know, sometimes there’s some fluff in between I’m, I want to know what I’m doing wrong, or what I’m doing, right? We’re not even that. Maybe is that came up wrong, too. But it’s just the idea of what’s figure out something here. And if not, then I’m going to be thinking about all week, and I’m going to be ruminating and then my thoughts are going to, you know, go out of control. I don’t want that. I don’t want that for anyone you know, because then it’s going to affect other people in my life. And I’m my business is built on, you know, keeping putting smiles on people’s faces. And so in doing that, I want to make sure that I’m always, you know, level in the way that I am. So I’m not feeling you know, man, I’m going to this event, but I’m not feeling good. And that doesn’t feel good. I want to I want to make sure that I’m going knowing that I’ve, I’ve talked to her about some things. And if it’s in that moment, and we’re leaving, let’s say for an event, and I’m still feeling that way, but at least I know that the support that hey, we’re going to talk about this tomorrow. I can put this on the shelf. I’m okay, we’re good. Let’s move.
Catherine A. Wood 44:43
So I want to I want to hear if there’s a certain time that you a lot for your weekly check in and then I’d love to invite you to walk us through every component and I know that you’re going to share it with us to include in the show notes so that our listeners can grab or download their own copy which I’m sure will be greatly appreciate it. But yeah, walk us through it.
Tim Sokol 45:04
And 15 Am Cat, tentative team,
Catherine A. Wood 45:07
and how much time do you
Brandon Dewyea 45:08
schedule an hour is best again. But to be honest, there’s a couple of weeks that we missed moving my mom everything and it ended up being three hours because things accumulate it and that was a that was a doozy. So we try to keep it to an hour, we’ve noticed that if we are doing every week, usually half hour to 45 minutes, sometimes an hour is a good that we can accomplish a lot. And if we’re doing it consistently, then then we’re all set.
Tim Sokol 45:31
One meeting, I just have to share this because I thought it was funny, we had one meeting where it went really long. And we were so emotionally exhausted by all this, that we took time off for ourselves, we made it a not a bad day, but it was kind of a let’s relax, let’s kind of still be in each other’s space. But let’s just bring the temperature down, let’s make sure that we’re, you know, we’re still loving, and we’re still remembering why we’re in a relationship. Because there’s a lot of heavy things that were happening. And so let’s give us let’s give ourselves some of that space. You know, we we had tons of things to do that day, as we always do. But this is more important. Because if we don’t do this, we’re not going to be okay. For tomorrow, our tanks are going to be depleted, let’s fill up our tanks. Because I think as HSPs we always need to have that time to fill up back our tanks. I know I definitely need that for my events, so I can feel like I’m productive. And I’m funny, and I’m whatever. We don’t do that. We don’t say that then it kicking the can down the road, and it’s gonna just hurt us later. So
Brandon Dewyea 46:33
beautiful. So shall I run through? Okay, and again, this is just a suggestion, we found what works well for us. And so a lot of this, of course, is self explanatory. So, yeah, I created a simple sheet, I gave it to him. Again, I think everyone has to come up with their own style. But we start with the emotional check in which we’ve kind of already covered. When we go through
Catherine A. Wood 46:53
prompts, are there prompts that you share with the emotional check ins or anything like that? Yeah, we’ve
Brandon Dewyea 46:59
kind of just say, well, we what we try to do separately is fill it out ahead of time. And that might be an hour before days before just hearing some thanks
Catherine A. Wood 47:08
for keeping it real.
Tim Sokol 47:13
For him, but at the end of the day, we’re human couple, we have our faults. But that’s that’s what it’s all about. And absolutely.
Brandon Dewyea 47:20
So yes, not necessarily prompts. Because we’ve been doing it for a bit, right. It’s so the emotional chat. Yeah, how am I feeling? What’s coming up for me? Gosh, I’m feeling really stressed about this meeting that I have coming up. I’m really upset about that argument that I have with my brother yesterday or like, Just where are you at? Right, and Gish is giving us a chance to kind of ground. And usually we have found it works pretty well. It’s to like one person kickoff, we just kind of whoever wants to go. And then we will usually do like maybe two segments, and then we’ll switch over the other person. So for instance, the first one would be emotional check in. The second one is acknowledge, like, if there’s any, and again, like Tim said earlier, doesn’t mean you have to put something in like, maybe I’m not feeling like I have anything to acknowledge you right. But in all seriousness like that, what you’re bringing up with your husband is the example. It does help to kind of ground me like what am I appreciating about Tim, I am appreciating that he did Blanc. And that just makes me feel so loved that you when you do this, and I want to acknowledge how hard you’re working through this thing. And so it’s just it gives us both a chance to kind of be present or thank you so much for supporting me with that thing last week, that was so hard. And then you know, so it’s just it’s just creating that space, right? And then usually we’ll go into my week’s focus and intention. So just allowing us to kind of figure out, what do you have coming up this week? What What are your and so that can tie in a little bit of accountability, focus. I think it can also help sometimes I’ve noticed in relationships, we can get snarly, right, like, is he even doing what he said he was going to do? Or you know, that’s sitting there for five weeks, and he still hasn’t done it. Like, we can make all these stories up. Right? Yeah, if we can understand what’s coming up for a partner and what the what their focus is, and what’s just where they’re at with their energy. And that I think could just again, give us the opportunity to have more compassion, right, and understanding what they’re going through. And then we have a section for financial so it just talks about like, what’s coming up? What are we anything, anything right trips, House Repair, anything we need to check in? i Hey, did you follow up on that thing, you know, I’m working on this, also, of course, is on tours. It’s a great word. We’re talking about our finances, right? Keeping that that energy around money positive. And hey, we’re so excited about this coming in and working on that. And this, that whatever, right feeding that versus that being a negative, if you will, and then we shift to items to address so that could be anything from like, Hey, what’s going on with the smoke alarms to well, what are we doing with the holidays? Like where are we at with that? What are we doing this year? So random stuff that can accumulate and then we go to save space and save spaces? We’ve kind of talked about a little bit today. Yeah, I got some stuff to bring up with you or No, I don’t. We’re listed long today. Let’s you know, sit down and get settled right? But in all seriousness, it’s not. If we’re chipping away at this each week, then you’re also not having all of these things accumulate. And also, I think sometimes it’s feeling into it, maybe I put something in my phone that I don’t want to forget to bring up with him. The day comes, and I’m looking at it and thinking, Yeah, this just doesn’t feel right to bring up today. But I don’t want to forget about it. It’s important to me. And so I’m going to save it for another time. And then check in with that, is it still? Is it still important? Is it still accurate? Is it is it worth bringing up? Right? Is it still bothering me?
Tim Sokol 50:27
And want to pause right there. I had, for instance, and this wasn’t this week, but I had to save space, things that are on my list one week, things during the meeting, maybe didn’t go as I had planned, or maybe she had planned. So I said, you know, let me just hold on to those two for the next time. Because I knew that were where it’s gonna go. I’m not I’m not out to, you know, whatever. It’s not about my needs, superseding her needs as well. And recognizing that, recognizing that even if I have something that I really have to get out, what it really wait, yeah, if you can, if you can push it to wait, and then do that. Apologize to no great
Brandon Dewyea 51:01
point. And then just some prompts, in terms of to do’s, right? So if he’s saying, Yeah, okay, gosh, Could you could you make the oil change? Or whatever? Yeah, I gotta write it down, right? Because, well, here’s the one thing that’s been really helpful, it doesn’t serve us for me to whip out my calendar, start getting on my computer, let me get that web address for you or whatever. Because now I’m taking time and energy away from our time. And that’s something that technically I can do. And I don’t need him to be there for that, right. And it doesn’t really support I tried
Tim Sokol 51:25
that it doesn’t work doesn’t work. Brandon does not like that. And just stop doing that. Because I needed your focus. And I realized, hey, this, she was doing the same thing. I would need that. That moment, maybe I was, you know, okay, that’s not great. But then we would talk about that. And here we are now where it’s, it’s a flowing system. So I
Brandon Dewyea 51:43
created a prompt for to do you do that stuff on your attempt? I’m just kidding. And then notes, just hey, what do I want to remember? I don’t know about you. But I’m always like, that’s really good to call that person to think of like 1000 things as you’re doing this meeting, right? It’s just a place to kind of document notes. So that’s a formula that’s gone really well for us. And it’s it I think after we just feel so it’s that balance of connectivity. It’s it’s softens, it takes the charge off a week, it helps us feel like we got this right. And we feel connected, and we feel loved and empowered and supported. And there’s been times where we’re like, oh, that was that was a little heavy. That was hard. But you know what, I love you and let’s do this, right? Like, let’s get into our week, and it’s empowering. Yeah. Would you say the same thing? I
Tim Sokol 52:27
would know, I would absolutely say the same thing. And, you know, again, this, this is really gradual. And, you know, at the end of the day, I feel like I am a guy’s guy too. You know, I have my ability, whatever I am sensitive guy, but I have those things, certain things I want to keep brief on so I don’t know how that was how that came up. But it was, it was the idea that some of these things are going to work for me or not. Or maybe I’m going to keep them brief or what have you, but being efficient and things like that. But initially, you know, that’s what I was getting. When we initially started this. I was hesitant toward these things. I didn’t want to talk about, you know, every single line item like that it does, it didn’t work for me. It felt really uncomfortable. That felt like, you know, Brandon is really well organized. I would say that I’m organized in a different way. You know, I would I always joke around. I think it was something from friends. Let’s have some organized fun. Here’s my clipboard, let’s talk about it, you know, haha, you know, versus my spontaneity, not to say that she’s not spying. And I’m not organized. And we share that and that’s how we complement each other. You know, she’s lovely. And that’s where I you know, I have those moments where, man she could be serious about something and I bring in some levity. And that’s what softens are, are moments of, you know, are and that’s where the virtual strangle came into place is that it’s okay to say that it’s okay to do that. As long as you don’t really do that.
Brandon Dewyea 53:55
So, but it needed to be able to put your own spin on it. But uh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Catherine A. Wood 53:59
I’m just I’m just imagining the title for this episode how your everyday Monica and Chandler thrive.
Tim Sokol 54:08
Here’s another episode because I know a lot of people like the office. But I was thinking about this right before the episode and our language, some can sometimes seem a little I don’t want to say it’s mechanical, like, Oh, this is how we come to speak. And it’s very soft and it’s there. Sometimes, there was an office episode where I think Jim and Pam are going back and forth and talking about the relationship. I respect how you feel, and I respect how you feel. And there was another guy listening he’s uh, I don’t know what your what’s your on, but I have some of it. You know.
Catherine A. Wood 54:43
I look back on I saw that episode.
Tim Sokol 54:48
Put yourself in that spot. And like, Man, I don’t want to sound mechanical. I don’t want to sound like I appreciate your feelings for this. You know, that’s how it first felt to me. It felt very, that doesn’t feel comfortable to me. I And I’m a real person, I want to have a real conversation. And that doesn’t fit within my, my whatever. But I realized it just how things kind of sound to you. And if it doesn’t sound too, right in your relationship, you’re not going to use that. But after a while, it became that, hey, I appreciate you for this, Hey, I appreciate you for that. Because, you know, I, at the end of the day, I don’t want to not appreciate her for those things. And I think that she would always be lovely in writing these little notes. Hey, thank you for doing this, Hey, thank you for doing that. I want to play catch up on that, let her know that I appreciate her too. Maybe I’m not catching up. Maybe she’s 10 to one on my notes. But man, I gotta let her know. Because I don’t want her to feel that she’s not being appreciated for all those lovely things that she does. That is
Catherine A. Wood 55:41
such a beautiful example to him. Because I think that many of us feel weird or inauthentic. Like when we start to use these sentence, or frameworks for a different style or ways of communicating. But in reality, at the end of the day, we all need models and frameworks in order to embrace authentically and naturally new ways of communicating or being with one another. So it makes complete sense. And I love that you spoke to this, the idea that it felt weird in the beginning, it felt formulaic. And with practice, it sounds like it became more natural, which I think is just like a beautiful place to kind of wrap it as we ended today’s conversation. And, you know, I just I just have been really appreciating this conversation even while we’ve been having it because I think that there are so many of our listeners, who will relate with this idea of not wanting to be a roommate with their husband or wife or partner, like not wanting to just be a business partner, but wanting to maintain that fire and that intimacy and that connection. And so I love the two of your willingness, again, to just share the ways in which you have maneuvered that path together and really met each other where you were at and invited each of you to lean in, to lean in more.
Brandon Dewyea 57:20
Yeah, thank you.
Tim Sokol 57:21
And I have to thank my sweetie, at the end of the day, she got me there thinking about these things. And I never thought I would be in a situation when I first started to be where we are now, and how our conversations are like, but it’s made our lives a lot easier. And also made my stresses a lot easier. Big time mindset. Big time.
Brandon Dewyea 57:42
Yeah. mindsets huge. Yeah, if I may add to that, I think that as, as you were talking, thank you so much for for sharing all that, I suppose you need. A couple of things came to mind as you’re talking, I think for the female mind, a lot of times, we’re just constantly spinning, usually. And so it can be really hard for us to shift out of the masculine energy and into the feminine. And let’s say be intimate with your partner and be more playful and fun. When you’re thinking about tabacon time this content, and I’m feeling stressed about this. And so by April, by being able to have a space where you can know. Basically, I don’t have to pepper him throughout the week with 50,000 things because I know that we’re going to have that time protected. And if we’re going to have that time protected, then we can tackle some of those just life stuff, right. And then also the important things that come up so that way his energy doesn’t feel drained. We’re also still getting stuff done, and then allows me to be able to show up and be more feminine with him or in that energy of a feminine energy where I can be more playful and be intimate. And I’m not thinking about like, are you going to take out the trash, or you do this or that and like, Oh, he’s like, I just want to kiss your baby. Like, you know, and but but but it’s life, right? And things accumulate. And so there’s something to be said for having systems and having some structure and it’s got to look different for everybody. And yeah, you got to find out I remember, I remember we even were like we don’t like the word safe space, like let’s think of something we did come up with something. And I remember what it was, and I’d love to get back to that. But he’s you got to find your own language around it and what feels good for you. And sometimes like anything new, right? You got to try something and give it a go. And we’ll be like this, scratch this, add that in. And there you go. And every couple is different.
Catherine A. Wood 59:20
Well, as we wrap and I just I’m noticing you know, we didn’t even talk about your businesses and I will absolutely include your your websites and where people can find you in the show notes for today. But But I I think that that’s indicative, right? Because when our relationships work, we work right when those those relationships that are so primordial and so foundational to our well being in our success and our self confidence when when they are empowered and well. It creates this ripple so I love that we focused here and stayed here to be honest but I’d love to end with my my final question that I asked all my guests, which is what has supported you each both collectively in becoming a prosperous empath?
Tim Sokol 1:00:15
Sure, or if you want to have one voice here collectively or either way, I’ll let me just start by saying that it’s been. It’s been mindset, we just I just talked about that it’s been putting the positive mindset out there, and to the world, putting that out there. And it’s almost in some ways, if you look at someone HSP are not it’s a goal setting, it’s putting that that language onto the world and, and making sure it’s going to come back to you. If you’re not putting that out there. If you’re not putting that positive mindset out there, then what are you doing? And that’s, that’s been a lot for me, I’ll keep in mind Briefe mind is positive mindset positivity. And thinking that because it’s not, you don’t have that intention. And that was part of and of course, the relationship. You know, when she’s up, I bring her up and down, and vice versa, we kind of make sure we level each other out. And that’s, that’s part of it.
Brandon Dewyea 1:01:10
Yes. I appreciate that. You brought that up, because I think as empaths you’re picking up on everyone’s energy and feelings. And that’s huge in a relationship. Right? He comes in and he’s had a challenge, and I just sit washes over me right now. I’m feeling it. And, and that’s, uh, yeah, we definitely, we had to figure that out. For sure. I think for me, it’s I in Yeah, we didn’t even really get into our stories and how we got here and the discovery and all the things. I guess my short answer is, I would say that, for me, what has been basically non negotiable now is the the importance of honoring myself care. So it’s boundaries, it’s, oh, actually do need to eat, I actually really do need that amount of sleep and I can’t, you know, I can’t rally and do the, it’s like, it’s just try that. I’ve had so many pivotal lessons that have come up that have really the universe really, you know, bringing out that sledgehammer and that blesses gets bigger and bigger. And it’s like, and now it’s just non negotiable, and really feeling, okay, okay, to walk a different path, okay? That it’s going to look like something different, and the universe is going to support me and hold me and connecting with other people that understand exactly what I’m talking about. And that’s been huge, absolutely huge. Because for so much of my life, I have felt like an honor to speak to this right? To this, I’m to that I’m not enough of this. And I’m like, where’s my space and feeling safe to be me? And the time that I actually started embracing that and nurturing that and what is really Brandon needs so yeah, I’m gonna bring my damn clipboard to the meetings. And you know, because it helps me feel organized and structured and, and it keeps me on point and not worrying about that looks weird to somebody else or whatever. It’s, it’s, that’s, I’m only I’m only going to pay for it in the end if I don’t do that, you know. So that would be my thing.
Tim Sokol 1:02:57
That’s what I meant to say. had so much more to say, but that was lovely.
Catherine A. Wood 1:03:09
I mean, I think you just kind of demonstrated the very thing about lifting your partner up and meeting them with the ballots. Thank you so much for today, grant. And it was such a pleasure. And gosh, I’m I there’s just so many gems I’m taking from today.
Brandon Dewyea 1:03:25
As are we thank you so much. It was amazing. Thank you
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Creating Transformational Group Containers with Kerry Dobson
Have you been thinking of adding a group program to your business offerings (or even investing in one)? This episode of The Prosperous Empath is for you! I’m honored to have Kerry Dobson, a coach who supports authors, coaches, and other thought leaders in crafting & leading their own group certification programs, on the show. After hosting over 100 professional groups in her career, Kerry has so much insight into what makes a group course successful for the leader and the participants via igniting passion and creating long lasting & impactful connections. Just by listening, you can hear the care and expertise she brings to this work. Your programs can be just as transformational as your 1:1 offerings, consider today’s episode as a resource to help you get started on creating your own!
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