13 Self-Leadership Books that Changed My Life (Part 2)

Catherine A. Wood 00:01
Hello, hello. Welcome back to the prosperous Empath cat here. Today is a beautiful morning in coastal New England. It is breezy and the humidity is low. The birds are out and chirping. You may even be able to hear some of them in the background, just because the windows are open and I’m hoping to head down to the beach later today for a dip. And I’ve just been having so much fun batch recording some of these episodes that are scheduled to air when I’m on maternity leave later this fall, and today’s episode is one of them. So last week, I shared the first half of my own list of favorite books in the realm of personal development, money mindset, relationship theory, just truly the books that have had the biggest impact on my own personal growth journey and my own success and and these are books that I frequently reference on calls with clients. Often send to clients, colleagues, family, friends alike. I think I’m I’ve probably had a love affair with books and literature for most of my life, because even when I was a closeted introvert, living in a extroverted world as a little girl and growing up in my parents bed and breakfast, I always found comfort and solace in books. I always found and saw myself and books have been such a huge part of my own growth journey since becoming a coach back in 2014 and you know, I talk about this a lot, but as coaches who are truly committed to our own craft, we can only go and grow with clients to the degree that we are willing to go and grow with ourselves first, because if I Haven’t had an insight or a breakthrough in my own personal journey in an area that I will never see or be able to reflect that same gap in a client. So these are some of the the top books that have helped me unlock new insights, deeper learnings and deeper levels of growth and self awareness and spiritual development in the realm of relationship, overcoming resistance, and a lot in the area of money mindset. So again, I shared the first six on that list last week, which we’ll link to last week’s episode in the show notes. If you want to jump back to last week’s episode, and today I’m going to share the second half of that list, and I wanted to share a little story by way of kicking off this list, because I was visiting a friend, someone really close to me, the other week, and she was just talking about some struggles in her relationship, and my heart was going out to her, because I heard her, I heard myself in her story, and I just felt compelled to say, oof, can I recommend you a book? And I was really heartbroken by her response, because she said, I don’t want to read a self help book. Tell my husband to read it now. I I totally get that because I was there too at some point in my own journey. And I think that the challenge in doing our own work is that when we’re willing to be truly vulnerable, truly open, truly curious, we start to see how and who we need to become in our own lives to generate and Create the caliber of intimacy in our relationships that we want, the level of success and prosperity in our businesses that we dream of, and the experience and satisfaction of contentment and joy in our own lives that we really crave. And I truly do believe that it doesn’t take another person in order for us to generate a breakthrough. It doesn’t require anyone else in our lives to be different in order for us to create a different experience of life. These books that I’m going to share with you today are some of the ones that have had the most impactful. These books that I’m going to share today on the podcast are some of the ones that have made the biggest difference in helping me unlock those deeper levels of insight and clarity to become that version of myself to attract the. Quality and caliber of life, relationship and prosperity that I’ve been looking for with that. Let’s jump in. First book on the list, atomic habits, an easy and proven way to build good habits and break bad ones. Now I’ve talked about this book on the podcast before. I am such a champion of creating healthy habits with clients, I think that having healthy habits is such a key to success. And many empathpreneurs and empathic leaders, we struggle with habits and being consistent because we have perfectionistic tendencies and when we relate to our habits as something to perform at or do perfectly or get 100% at or and when it becomes this zero sum game where it’s all or nothing, it is such a setup for disappointment and ongoing failure and fits And bursts and starts and stops. And the distinction that clear talks about in atomic habits, that I think is extremely helpful and profound is he shares the number one key that will support you in becoming consistent with your habits. And at the end of the day, it’s really shifting your relationship to habits, from being an externally driven or outcome oriented relationship to being an identity based expression of who you are. Now that’s a little bit jargony, so let me explain. I believe that we are living in and amongst an achievement epidemic. So many of us identify as high performers and type a if you’re listening to this podcast, then I imagine that’s you. And when we’re performance driven, we tend to measure our own sense of worth, our own worthiness as a human being by what we produce, and when we measure our own internal gage of who we are and our value based on what we produce, What we achieve, what we overcome what we create, the next goal, the next promotion, the next acronym at the end of our name, then we’re constantly living inside of this rat race where in order to be enough, we have to be in action. We have to be hustling. We have to be creating, producing, achieving. It is such a setup for never feeling like you’re enough, because any levels of success that you achieve in career, in your wealth, in your relationship, it’s always temporary, because then you’re always back to the rat race. Now, when you can shift that orientation towards your habits, from being one that you have to do perfectly score 100 ad do every single day, to becoming an expression of who you are, of how you take care of yourself, of how you honor yourself, of how you care For yourself, we can truly unlock and disentangle ourselves from that outcome driven orientation to being an identity based expression of who we are, our relationship with ourselves and how we tend to and nurture ourselves, that is the key in becoming consistent In habits. And I have never heard or read that distinction shared in as profound a way as I did when I read atomic habits. Can’t recommend it enough. The next book is worthy boost your self worth, to grow your net worth. Now this is one I’ve chatted about a lot in the podcast, because in the episode on manifestation, I shared one of the exercises in this book called The 50 desires list. That is one we frequently do in our unbounded mastermind, and it really helps you, kind of defy the confines of your own mind and what you think you’re worthy and deserving of having by challenging you to write a list of 50 desires, 50 things that you desire. And then there’s some, some some rules and protocols for what you can include on the list, like one of the one of the rules for crafting your list. That I really appreciate is that only five of your desires can be altruistic, so only five of your desires can be for the world, for other people, for your community. And I think that that’s really helpful for our tendency as empaths to be givers and to be focused on other people. So I. Of this exercise, we often do it together in a group and then read our lists aloud to one another, because there’s something really illuminating when you start to hold space for other people to share what they desire, what they want, what they dream of having and obtaining and even becoming in their own lives, because it helps everyone else unlock more clarity about what they want. And there’s a second half of this exercise, which I personally had never done before, until our most recent unbounded mastermind. We did it together in person, and we added in this the last section of this list.

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Can you go that way?

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Robot, can you go that way? Cora, will you take them and close the door? Do

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Come on. Come on. Luna, come

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here. Hey. I thank

Catherine A. Wood 11:49
you. Okay, we’re back. Okay. Let me say that again. Think at this point I’ve done this exercise maybe four or five times, like once a year, and then this last time we did it in our unbounded mastermind retreat out in the Berkshires earlier this summer, and there’s a second part of the exercise which invites you to categorize what area of life or what way of being this desire falls into. And it was actually super illuminating. I had never done this part of the exercise before, but what I realized, not only in doing it for myself, but also in hearing everyone else’s lists and their own categories, is that you start to realize the synchronicities and the similarities of your desires and how they’re aligned, like what similar areas of life that they fall into. So for instance, for me, when I was writing my list for this most recent iteration, you know, we were expecting, we were not yet under contract on a home. We were really wanting to settle I was personally yearning to create deepened community and connection, and not knowing where I was going to do that, because we didn’t know where we were going to live. And some of the themes that really emerged for me were so much of my desires were in the realm of community, belonging, home. And I think that that is really powerful because it can, it can help you to connect with your desires on a much more embodied level than just being something superficial, like a trip or a vacation with your family, or, you know, doing the Camino de Santiago, which I really want to do someday. But they can connect you with kind of the deeper reasons behind why these desires are important and that can help you connect on a more heart level, with the why behind the what, why you’re committed to what you want, which can really start to shift your relationship to believing that You’re worthy and deserving of having what you want. All right, next book. This is an oldie, but, but such a, such a worthwhile addition to the list. Number three, the big leap, conquer your hidden fear and take life to the next level. Now we have all heard of this book. If you are not new to personal development, and it doesn’t grow old. I think as we continually scale and elevate and grow in business and life and love, we’re constantly coming up against new upper limits. Yes, we are constantly Upper Limiting when we’re committed to growing and as we achieve new levels of success, we face similar similar devils, right? Like new levels similar devil. And I think we can become really tricked or seduced by how we each upper limit, and I just love Gay Hendricks explanation of the ways in which we upper limit and how we constantly have to allow success to be easier as we continually step into new iterations and versions of our zones of genius, because they are constantly evolving as we do. Number four on the list, this is my single most favorite, most highly recommended, book on relationships and relationship theory, and it’s called The Four Agreements, A Practical Guide to personal freedom. Now I think this book is particularly supportive for empathic entrepreneurs and leaders, because we tend to invest so deeply in our relationship, because we care so deeply about the people in our lives that we often can can lose ourselves inside of our relationships. Now, I would say the the agreement that I quote the most on client calls, and have had just breakthrough after breakthrough in my own life is the second agreement, which says to stop taking others personally, that everything others say and do is a reflection of their own world and their own experience, And when we release ourselves from taking other people personally, we create deepened levels of authenticity and connection and intimacy in our relationships. Now I’ll also say that one of the practices that has really helped both myself and clients over the years, in stop and stopping from taking others personally is to start and begin checking our assumptions with other people, because we live in a world, particularly as Empath preneurs, where we are constantly making up shit about other people. We are constantly making assumptions about what other people think, what other people are feeling, what we did wrong, how things are our fault, and when we can start to put those thoughts on a loudspeaker, stop assuming, stop trying to control our relationships, but begin to lean into deeper levels of authenticity and transparency with the people that we care about most, we create deepened levels of trust, rapport, connection, authenticity and intimacy in our relationship, and it can literally be as easy As Hey. I notice that I let’s just cut out that example. Haley, all right, the next book on the list, drop the ball, achieving more by doing less. By Tiffany doofu, Oh, love this book. So if you struggle in your relationship, or, I mean particularly if you struggle in Wait, if you struggle in your relationship, in the realm of emotional labor, or believing that, or maybe very reasonably, doing more than your partner does, or thinking that you just carry more of the weight, carry more of the responsibilities in your household than your partner, then this book is for you. This book has. Some really great practices and really tangible exercises to help you partner better with your significant other and learn how to drop the ball and carry less of the emotional burden of what your household and family requires of you. And there’s a story in this book that I really love, where the author, Tiffany dufu was talking about her own marriage and how she partnered with her husband. Can

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Catherine A. Wood 20:56
fly down? One of my favorite stories from this book is when the author Tiffany do, oh, my gosh, sorry, Haley, one of my favorite stories from this book is when the author is talking about her own experience in her marriage, where she was starting to really reinvent and recreate the household responsibilities and who did what in her Marriage, and her husband had been offered a position, a remote position somewhere in Africa, in his consulting work that he had that required him to move abroad for six months, and they had just reinvented their own household responsibilities, and he had been assigned checking the mail, so it was his responsibility To open and sort through all of the mail every day. And Tiffany was talking about this idea that, like she really struggles, that when her husband said he would do something and didn’t do it, she would always pick up the ball and complete or or fill in for him on whatever task he didn’t do. And the thing about that is that when we enable our partners to not hold up their end of the bargain and to not follow through on the things they said they’d commit to, then there’s actually no incentive for them to do so, because there’s always the expectation or the knowing that, Oh, it’s okay because she’ll always pick up the ball. And so when we’re trying to partner better and really reinvent the emotional labor in our relationships, we have to be willing to lessen our own standards, allow breakdowns, allow our partners to be faced with the consequences of breaking their own promises and breaking their own word, versus us saving them every time. So back to the male story. So when her husband traveled abroad, she was faced with this idea of ugh. Now the mail’s collecting on the kitchen counter. What do I do? The old version of her would have opened the mail and sorted through the mail and paid the bills, and that’s not what she was committed to anymore, and so six months later, six months she collected the mail, added it to the stash on the kitchen counter, and when her husband returned six months later, he really got it that she was not going to save him anymore, that he had dropped his own ball, and he had to reinvent his relationship to his word or create new agreements to handle his own breakdowns. And I think that is such an important lesson for all empathic entrepreneurs and leaders to learn, is that if we want our partners, our colleagues, our employees to step up to the plate. We have to relate to them as their word, and we have to stop saving them such an important but transformative a lesson. Love that book, alright? Two more the next book, The Body Keeps the Score brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before that the issue is in the tissue, and I really appreciate this book for all of the research and the data and the medical perspective. It brings. Things to how much of our own trauma and healing we hold in our body, and how much our body can unlock clarity and healing and the path forward and for empathpreneurs, you know, we’re so often deep feelers, highly sensory and stuck in our head, and oftentimes, our work, our journey, requires us to connect with our own bodies. On a deeper level, it’s such an access point to connecting with our own intuition. And I think this book, this book does a really wonderful job at explaining why it’s so important, why doing the somatic work? Why tuning into your body, your body’s knowing your body’s internal wisdom, is such an access point to not only connecting with your intuition, but also in learning how to trust yourself your insights and your intuitive decision making so much quicker and last but not least, the last book I want to share with you is one that we have introduced in both of our masterminds over the past two years, and it’s one I wish that I had read at the very beginning of my journey, I think I’ll be connecting with deeper levels of this book and the learning and wisdom from this book for the rest of my life, certainly as I enter motherhood. And I think that this book provides an entirely distinct approach to communicating in business, in love, in family and life. The book is called Living, nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Now Rosenberg has written a couple of books. This one is the practical implementation of some of his theory around NVC, nonviolent communication. But I really, I really love what Rosenberg stands for, and so much of his work is based on this premise that we live in a world, where are we? We all experience tragically unmet needs, where we all have tragically unmet needs, and so often, when we are disconnected from our needs, we pick fights, we criticize, we worry, we experience anxiety, we point the finger outside of ourselves, make it about our partners, our family, our friends, when in reality, our discontentment is often a reflection of our own tragically unmet needs and Also our like tragically disconnected relationship with what we need and what we want. Rosenberg provides a framework for how we can start connecting with our own needs and emotions on a deeper level, and a pathway to deeper intimacy and authenticity in our relationships through connecting with ourselves more honestly and open heartedly. I can’t recommend this book enough, and with that, I have shared with you the 13 books that have made the biggest difference for me over the past decade. Again, if, if you pick up one of these books, I’d love to hear from you, if one of these books is one that you’ve been meaning to read and you get inspired to read it from the podcast, send me a message and let me know I truly think that

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Catherine A. Wood 29:06
truly believe that these books have the possibility to change your life, and I hope you enjoy them. See you next week. Bye.