• Aug 13, 2020 | Your Work

    Your Excuses Are Also Your Gifts Part 2 of 2

    Last week, I asked whether you knew what your go-to excuse was? I shared two of the primary ones I hear in my line of work.

    This week, I’ll share two others.

    But I find the question I’m even more curious about is whether you’re practiced in having compassion for your go-to excuses?

    Because we need both.

    We need to know both how we let ourselves off the hook AND be responsible for calling ourselves out and in for it when we do. We also need to give ourselves permission to have our excuses when we need to call on them.

    Sounds contradictory, right?

    Let me walk you down memory lane for a hot second…

    I grew up in a Bed & Breakfast in a beautiful oceanside town-by-the-sea. Think Gilmore Girls-esque, that was my hometown.

    I grew up living where I also worked. Chamber-maiding, answering phone calls, responding to guests’ questions. You get the idea.

    Needless to say, I didn’t learn early on healthy boundaries around work life balance.

    How could I?

    I ALSO acquired a litany of entrepreneurial skills which have helped me immensely in growing my business!

    But, I had to unlearn some things so that I could have more freedom from the hustle and grind mentality.

    And I believe we all need to do this.

    We need to both recognize how we let ourselves off the hook and give ourselves permission to do so when we need it!

    If you missed last week’s blog about how money and time are the two primary ways in which we hold ourselves back, you can find that blog here.

    I’m going to be honest here, I have a *bit* of a story around this third excuse… I’ve certainly avoided it big time in the past!

     

    Excuse #3: Fear of Commitment

    The third excuse that I often find holds us back is resisting fully committing. It can be a sneaky one because we can justify or logically explain away why we should avoid fully committing and our excuse may sound reasonable. This excuse may sound something like:

    “I can’t fully commit to this guy because I’ve only known him for a year and what if he breaks my heart.”

    “I want to be a full-time entrepreneur but I really need the security of my 9 to 5.”

    “I want to join this gym and regain my strength but I just don’t have the flexibility in my schedule these days.”

    I find this excuse a bit sneaky because we can explain our way out of committing to most things if we want to. And the question you really have to ask yourself is what are you afraid of committing to?

    Ultimately, a fear of commitment is really about a belief gap in trusting yourself to do so.

    As you grow your muscle around trusting yourself, you will grow your ability to to commit and follow through on what you say.

    Begin transforming your disempowered relationship to commitment by examining your relationship to promises.

    This week, consider ONLY making promises that you are willing to keep. Look at the games you create in your life and begin to create only winnable games for yourself. Do you say you’ll work out 5 times per week and then only work out twice per month? Start smaller. Promise yourself you’ll work out once per week, find a workout buddy for yourself, and then notice what it feels like for you to keep your promise. Celebrate that! As you begin to give yourself more bandwidth to have your words become your actions, you can play a bigger game.

     

    Excuse #4: Not Enough Energy

    I have to admit that this is not an excuse that I am well acquainted with, at least on a conscious level. I am well practiced in muscling through to get tasks done, and this is not something I’m particularly proud of…

    But what I have noticed similarly is that when I am tired and muscle through, my work takes me significantly more time to accomplish. This excuse may sound something like:

    “I’ve been working nonstop recently and I never seem to get ahead or get caught up.”

    “Everyone seems to need me to do something for them and I never have enough time for myself.”

    “I can’t take time for myself in the morning, I have too many obligations demanding my attention.”

    All my fellow recovering workaholics, know this. If you find yourself continually exhausted, having well-being breakdowns, or feeling tired, I want you to take a closer look at your self-love game than anything else.

    Sister, you need to take time and space for yourself so that you can give from a full love tank to others.

    I’ve written lots before about self-care and morning routines. Those are certainly areas to explore.

    Another practice that may not come to mind naturally is to take a closer look at your capacity for allowing support. I wrote a great piece for those of you high performers who love doing everything by yourselves and are overly responsible. This blog is for you.

    Now more than ever, we need to honor our excuses and take our power back from them. We get to give ourselves permission to give in to our excuses without being controlled by them.

    It’s a conversation about both personal responsibility and self compassion. Which do you need more of this week? Take stock and apply liberally!