Jul 03, 2020 | Most Popular, Your Business

Dear Workaholic, There is Another Way. Love, You

What I’m about to share with you is something that over the years has both filled me with shame and something that I have absolutely transformed my relationship with.

In the past, this personality trait has provided me with a sense of self-worth, something I’ve been deeply embarrassed of, and more recently, something that I have a lot of self-compassion for.

Some of you have likely heard me share it before…

But I believe given the times we are in, it bears repeating (now perhaps more than ever).

So here it is: I am a (recovering) workaholic.

You may laugh reading that because, who isn’t, right? If you’re subscribed to my newsletter, there’s a good chance some, if not all, of this blog will resonate for you as well.

You live to work. If not for your job, then at least for your side hustle or your passion project that you hope to turn into your career. You likely love your work or at least love the oodles of external validation for a job well done.

But it is likely often at the expense of your personal happiness and well-being. Or maybe you don’t yet really know what that even means for you outside of work.

You haven’t quite figured out how to master your time and get more done while spending less time on it, so that you can truly breathe and give yourself some much needed space and mental energy to discover what it even is that brings you joy and satisfaction outside of work.

This was me too, for many many years. I worked around the clock because I loved what I did. I always served in leadership roles (hello high school class secretary for 4 years and both student body president and treasurer of my college, anyone?). I also worked in international development and in the public sector, so my efforts were always for the common good, thus directly tied to positive reinforcement, external validation and not surprisingly, my sense of self-worth.

This was modeled for me for much of my life. I grew up in a Bed & Breakfast… We were always on call, ready with a smile and helping hand. I really didn’t know anything different.

But here’s the thing, I have had to work through a lot of internal shame around this default way of being as I faced my own unhappiness and discontentment.

Because let’s face it, I was addicted to my work. And, I was addicted to doing it perfectly (often at the expense of my physical health, my emotional well-being, and my relationships).

And while there are many things to be addicted to these days… Instagram, our phones, food, YouTube videos, alcohol, shopping, sex, drugs, stealing, working out, the news, the list goes on…

…some, simply are just more socially acceptable than others.

I believe that our work is one of those areas.

When we work hard all the time (often to our personal detriment), some of our efforts are directed to meet our own need for external validation and approval, our need to please others, or as a distraction from facing whatever it is we can’t be with in our own lives.

And, because our addictive habits to work hard are often reinforced and rewarded (whereas if we were alcoholics our loved ones and colleagues would likely NOT respond in the same fashion)…

We  hold on to the same addictive, unsustainable, joy-sucking, unhealthy ways of being and living.

And we chock it up, when we’re feeling down, that at least we’re doing good in the world. That at least we’re working hard.

Are you sorry for yourself yet? I know I was, for many years. Until, I realized this truth.

I was being a martyr.

I was working around the clock and I was sacrificing my own needs for the common good and for the needs of those I was hired to support.

But let’s not get it twisted, I was certainly gaining something out of this dynamic. I got to help others, absolutely, but a big part of my workaholic tendencies were at the subconscious level. A big part of my efforts fueled my need to please others so that I could be liked. A big part of my efforts to martyr myself served my own needs to feel good about myself through my self-sacrificing habits.

I imagine there may be a part of you doing the same thing. And the truth of the matter is this:

You ONLY have this one life to live.

You only have this one body to nurture.

You only have this one divine chance to experience delight, pleasure and wonder.

You only have this one comfort zone to break yourself free from.

To live your life fully.

To be a joy seeker and a dream crusher.

To take the best care of your human and spiritual body that you can.

To love yourself and the people in your life fully and to the best of your ability.

To live with no regrets.

And so, when I tell you that you do not need to suffer and be a martyr, in order to be content with yourself and your life. And in order to make a lasting impact.

I really do mean it.

Because I have been there, I have endured that unsustainable way of living, and I have come out on the other side of it.

And as hard as it may feel to believe for you, I am even more present to my impact and my capacity to contribute now than I ever have been.

For when we allow ourselves to know ourselves, and I do mean to truly know ourselves and what brings us inner joy…

…We are more free to contribute to others, to take greater risks in the direction of our intended impact, and to model for others what it means to live fully and wildly.

  • Put down your addictions.
  • Face the part of them that is within your own realm to control and change.
  • Stop allowing your excuses to be your truth.
  • You are only fooling yourself.
  • I promise you are the antidote to your suffering.

 

The next time you notice yourself experiencing similar patterns of low energy, overworking and feeling under-appreciated, here are 4 practices to try instead and begin breaking this pattern:

Boundaries

Begin creating clear boundaries around when you are available to and when you are unavailable to help others. Since most of us are now home rather than in an office, you may find this easier to begin implementing now (that your colleagues can’t just waltz into your office whenever they need you)!

Set an email auto responder, letting your colleagues or clients know when they can expect to hear back from you. In my email signature, I let folks know right off the bat when my office hours are and when they can expect to hear back from me. At the end of the work day, close your office laptop and door, and avoid reviewing office email or texts until your next workday start time.

Delay Responding Immediately

If you’re anything like me, you love saying yes to other people and find dissent very challenging! One of the most supportive practices for me has been delaying my response time. This allows me to get connected with my own intuition and what serves me directly versus serves the needs of other people.

The next time someone makes a direct request of you, thank them for thinking of you and let them know you’ll get back to them in a couple of days (or however many days you need).

Ideal Schedule

Creating an ideal schedule for myself has been the single most life changing practice for me in aligning my time with my highest commitments. Download my ideal schedule template here. You can also find the most current iteration of my own ideal schedule here as well as an example.

Once you know how you would ideally like your schedule to look, practice integrating a new item into your actual schedule week by week. Perhaps this week, begin integrating a blocked-off time in your day to eat breakfast, and then next week, schedule in 30 minutes each evening to read before bed.

Take Yourself Out On a Weekly Date

When I began writing my book Belonging last spring, the working title of my book was “I Just Want to Date Myself.” I had realized that work was one of the biggest tactics I knew to avoid spending quality time with myself. And when I found myself both working in a job I immensely disliked and being broken up with, my tactics began to lose their appeal real quickly. Taking myself out on a weekly date is one of the best ways I know to begin discovering what brings you joy and meaning outside of your work. You can find an excerpt from that chapter here.

May you know this, your lovability is not up for debate. Your work is not a reflection of your inherent worthiness as a human being. You are divine. You are loved. You are worthy.

ARE YOU READY TO TRULY CREATE YOUR PURPOSE-DRIVEN BUSINESS ON YOUR OWN TERMS?

Inquire about our UNBOUNDED Mastermind & Group Coaching Program.

Get ready to think bigger, dissolve limiting beliefs, & welcome an upgraded mindset to become the architect of your non-negotiable dreams. Eliminate once and for all the hustle-and-grind mentality & step into a higher consciousness that magnetizes clients and opportunities to you. Join our community of heart-centered CEOs and expand your high-vibe network with aligned partnerships, business collaborations and lifelong friends.

Catherine is a Master Certified Coach and bestselling author of Belonging: Overcome Your Inner Critic and Reclaim Your Joy.

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Mindful Spending & Navigating Lifestyle Creep with Cris Caruso

In this episode of the Prosperous Empath®, I’m sitting down with financial advisor and UNBOUNDED Mastermind Alum, Cris Caruso to talk about a phenomenon that many people have experienced in recent years: lifestyle creep. Cris has been in the financial services industry since 2004 and a financial advisor since 2008. Beyond that, she has pursued additional education in understanding how our behaviors shape financial outcomes by earning the Behavioral Financial Advisor designation from Think2Perform. She also earned the Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor credential prior to 2015 as a way to support her LGBTQIA+bclients and continues to use this knowledge to work with unmarried couples and non-traditional families. You’ll appreciate her unique experience throughout today’s episode as she speaks on lifestyle creep, or lifestyle inflation, which is overspending on things that you don’t actually need as your income increases. When you’re early in your career, your spending habits focus on must-haves like housing and groceries. But as your income increases, it’s easy to lose track of what is a necessity and what are simply too many luxuries, and to just keep buying more. Cris and I discuss both values-based and practical strategies on how to identify the areas of your life you should spend generously on and where to be more mindful to reach your long-term goals. How do you live in alignment with your money, especially as an entrepreneur and an empath? You’ll get an answer to this question as you listen to our thought provoking conversation on purposeful spending, the importance of allowing yourself to have fun & fabulous experiences, and more.

Visit this episode’s show notes page here.

The Prosperous Empath® Podcast is produced by Heart Centered Podcasting.

Check out this episode!



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